BDSM for dummies

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  twowithnolimits

  7 years ago

  Agreed discussions and perceptions are sadly misinformed (although you yourself ignored us when we contacted you despite having over 40 years of experience to share with you!) This is a visual generation and therefore a lack of quality film & tv on the subject is one issue (compare with the LGBT present in every show). THAT film at least brought the subject into the mainstream, but it did not do it justice and now sadly everyone "knows about bdsm" :-( There is a spectrum of D/s relationship but to be successful there must be a melding of the physical, emotional and psychological. Some studies have shown that bdsm is more prevalent amongst professionals and intellectuals, perhaps this is due to the necessity for creativity? You can fake an orgasm, you cannot fake a role. Misconception is obvious when you talk to many RHPers who display their fetish interest in bdsm, many clearly have no understanding of vague labels like soft bdsm, hard bdsm...maybe RHP could ask us for better fetish labels to avoid confusion? To some "soft bdsm" is wearing a blindfold and "hard bdsm" is when you add the fluffy handcuffs too! LOL The fact that art. literature and society in general has recorded bdsm activities for as far back as any other form of sex/power dynamic should imply greater acceptance and respect. Unfortunately the present feminist political culture seems to refuse to accept the notion of consensual anything and this is a big impediment to public acceptance. TV viewing patterns and movie attendance however show that their is indeed a "silent majority" of interest, even if the reality is too much for most. I recall one magazine survey in Australia that found Australian sexual interest to be sex, oral sex, anal sex, bdsm, ....everyone accepts the first 3 publicly but not the fourth place-getter, why? An interesting, if potentially controversial, topic.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  It is a little hard for people to understand..it’s hard for me to understand sometimes. If a man hurts me or stands over me in a threatening way I literally fall to pieces, I don’t like being scared for my safety AT ALL. But pin me to the bed, put a hand over my mouth & tell me to be a good girl while you have your way with me and chances are I’m gonna be half way through an orgasm before you even get in, lol. I’m not into excessive amounts of pain & degradation but I love it when a man knows the right time and place to assert his manliness, it’s the only time I’ll allow and enjoy complete vulnerability. Imagine, putting all your trust in another human being and instead of getting fucked over as so often happens in life you just get fucked & end up with an amazing orgasm instead...yes thank you!! To that end maybe it’s got something to do with having control over the situation....for once I get to say “yeah go ahead, make me your bitch” and I get to enjoy it. Not like when the tax man makes me his bitch against my will, that’s not fun at all!!

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Our first taste of BDSM was this is not for us!We then did a full day workshop with a Melbourne based company and that changed our mind.We like sensual BDSM and it can be a great part of our play!

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  BungCpl

  7 years ago

  We would love to know more about the Melbourne based workshop sweetnsensual We are keen to explore this part of our lives more so keen to hear about options for exploring if they are out there

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  What I have learnt is to be very careful of those who call themselves a DOM. Some just want to use you. Some just read a lot and then gain a fetish for it with no actual real life experience. I find these men use it to prop up their own low self esteem. Sad but true. I'm not sure why they call themselves a DOM, when in fact they just kinky. Most lie too. I recently came across one here on RHP. He had no experience in RL and really just into kinky role play. He had all the bells and whistles he had collected, so seemed authentic. However he didn't have the psychological experience. I have had some involvement in the scene. It varies from what you actually want. Never expect a romantic relationship with a true experienced DOM tho. Not initially anyway. Their role isn't about romance. Its about getting the best out of you, to be the person you want to be and can. Same with a Mistress. Your boundaries are tested and this is where you learn more about yourself and you do gain empowerment. Unfortunately now days lines have been crossed with the release of that ridiculous movie. Now every one thinks a slap on the ass and being held down whilst being fucked is BDSM. Hahahahaha it isn't. That is just kinky or role play. NEVER confuse the two. Roleplay and BDSM are very different.. My 2c

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  nightingale8

  7 years ago

  Following this with interest. Especially insights from the ladies x

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  twowithnolimits

  7 years ago

  Quoting 'inspirit' What I have learnt is to be very careful of those who call themselves a DOM. Some just want to use you. Some just read a lot and then gain a fetish for it with no actual real life experience. I find these men use it to prop up their own low self esteem. Sad but true. I'm not sure why they call themselves a DOM, when in fact they just kinky. Most lie too. I recently came across one here on RHP. He had no experience in RL and really just into kinky role play. He had all the bells and whistles he had collected, so seemed authentic. However he didn't have the psychological experience. I have had some involvement in the scene. It varies from what you actually want. Never expect a romantic relationship with a true experienced DOM tho. Not initially anyway. Their role isn't about romance. Its about getting the best out of you, to be the person you want to be and can. Same with a Mistress. Your boundaries are tested and this is where you learn more about yourself and you do gain empowerment. Unfortunately now days lines have been crossed with the release of that ridiculous movie. Now every one thinks a slap on the ass and being held down whilst being fucked is BDSM. Hahahahaha it isn't. That is just kinky or role play. NEVER confuse the two. Roleplay and BDSM are very different.. My 2c I especially like the realization that the dom is your dom and not your romantic, romance may follow over time, i have had many long term D/s relationships, some develop some do not, neither is wrong. sadly the BDSM PC movement has made it easy for some people to regurgitate the same S@$#$ and sound "authentic" , in reality the true doms walk their own path and the true couples define their own relationship. these days you see people collared after a week! you see people telling other kinksters the correct way to live their lives (yes all you single male doms who own no one that includes you... )! others don't know the difference from a bit of bedroom submission to living an actual slave lifestyle.. nice pic up on THAT film btw lol

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  The experienced people who are laughing at people who dont really know the ins and outs of BDSM. Im sure you were green at one point before venturing into the lifestyle. I have done a lot of things I would never have imagined doing since I joined RHP. We live and learn. All of us.

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  countrytouch82

  7 years ago

  It comes across from some here that BDSM limited to the bedroom or play only, is not "real" BDSM but rather just being kinky or role play, that it must be about your 24/7 relationship. I was under the impression that it can be either. If you are in a D/S or other such relationship then that's fine of course. But BDSM includes three main categories and a multitude of various kinks and character and relationship types, an ongoing D/S relationship is just one of, albeit the most spoken about and referred to, if not the most common. What happens if you class yourself as a switch? Activities regarding B&D, S&M etc? A spanking or flogging session IS BDSM, roleplay is often also BDSM. I think what people mean is that some of these things are NOT a D/S relationship dynamic, but they are still BDSM. I've been hanging with Fetlife social crowds for quite a while now. Yes, I don't have the psychological experience except what I've learnt from others and from reading, which will never occur until I find a partner as such. And yes, even if I felt as a dominant, I realise the experience and awareness needed to truly call yourself a Dom as opposed to the wannabes or 21 year olds that do. (But like I said, if anything, I'm more submissive if not a Switch perhaps). Is a Switch is a genuine term, or is it just also roleplay (as it's hard to extend to an ongoing relationship dynamic).

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  Tara72

  7 years ago

  are two sides of the same coin... both must be earned. Submission is the gift of the submissive to the Dominant. It is not "taken" by the Dom simply because he acts in a dominant way. It is an exchange of control, of power... an arrangement entered into equally by both parties through prior consent and negotiation. What happens then is whatever you want it to be... pain is just one small aspect but is portrayed in the mainstream as being the whole game. (Indeed in some dynamics where one is a true masochist, giving pain is the reward and withholding it is the punishment). As the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility... if the Dom is assuming power and control then he is also assuming responsibility, for both the physical and mental wellbeing of the submissive. It can be a fine line between "sub space" and "freak out" and the Dom needs to remain aware of where their sub is. Also if the sub has had their physical movement restricted in any way (hands bound, for instance) then it's up to the Dom to guard against falling injuries etc. This is the "noblesse oblige" of the Dominant.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Thankyou for everyone sharing their views and attitudes and knowledge. It’s so interesting when there’s so many dynamics and “labels” and each story and sessions are unique. @ twowithnolimits - I’m sorry if I hadn’t responded, my only excuse would be I disappeared from the site for months and only viewed the forums. I haven’t caught up with replies in a long long time and usually respond to people who match for a meeting. I sincerely apologise . I would be happy to chat from time to time if you like, I’m certainly interested in learning and discussing more. Especially now more than ever! I have finally found my Dom and ecstatic. @ soulhunters - that’s a shame, I don’t feel that anyone is laughing at anyone, we’re all “green” once, I agree with you, hence my motivation for writing this post. I wanted a platform for newbies or people who lack the understanding and judge those who have an interest in this lifestyle. There may be some one on RHP who’s interested but afraid to explore or discuss due to misconceptions. But the comments about the dangers of wannabe Doms are very real and newbies should be educated and made aware.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I myself have found there is fucking someone, there is making love with someone, there’s even being kinky with someone, but for me as I have recently found my extremely special submissive. There is a far grater connection and an internal thread that seams to threngthen the connection. Being a sub or a dom is far more then buying a cheap cat o 9 and cuffed from eBay. It’s a mentality a mentality that can grow, strengthen and add to a friendship/ relationship. When I tell most people I’m a Dom most laugh and say so you like pain and whipping people. But most have no idea about the mental connection that comes with it. If this is something that spark your interest than run with it find someone you are conflating with and explore ever part of it. Go as far as you want or are comfortable with. How knows you may be like me and make a living from it.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  GCmilflover - it’s the deep mental and emotional exchange of a D/s relationship that I seek as well. Sounds like she’s a very lucky girl 🍀 D/s has the potential to run so much deeper than a vanilla relationship. So many people think it’s about spanking and hair pulling and being a bossy boots. It is sooo much more than that. Communication is a major factor as well. Safe. Sane. Consensual. 🙌 The three cornerstone rules all people in the lifestyle learn and respect and adhere to. I feel much safer with my Dom once trust and rapport are being established. Too many players and fakes will not have your best interests at heart ❣ they will selfishly take take take then ditch you like an old rag. A true Dom would never dream of doing that to his girl. He is a gentleman first and foremost. He is self assured and comfortable with his direction and sexuality. He feels confident in expressing and communicating his desires. Everything is a mutual pleasure, a mutual exchange, a mutual direction for both he (her) and his sub.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Hi BDSM is out there and some Swingers are Kinky or exploring so I now/we have started Swingers meet Kink some 3yrs back at party's and also do exhibitions at party's. We are Swingers, Daddy n Sub/Switch and love our Kink. BDSM Etiquette is so much stronger then the swingers scene. We actively promote etiquette at our party's. We will chat about BDSM to others when approached openly and provide a safe place for you to play.

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