RHP

RHP User

F38

Blurred Lines 🙅Done

May 28 2015

MY hearts got a bit of healing to do now... I took no advice about a guy I was seeing on here. I wrote a forum 'my two weeks of heaven and hell'... I tried to take peoples advice... But didn't. Ended being in a controlling 'relationship' with a married man who claimed he loved me. I wasn't allowed to see other people... Even though he would tell me i should date (then punish me with 'radio silence' for days when I told him I had).And he only flew in and out for one night every few weeks. And when he was here or when he asked me to fly to Sydney... I was totally available. So he tells me he wants to have a threesome for his birthday. This is not the first, second or twentieth... More like the 50th time he's suggested it. I guess over time he became more insistent. So I agreed to finally have one with him which was planned for Wednesday night (just gone) with a woman he had slept with before being with me. I've never had a ffm... Only a mmf with two guy friends. So I was petrified about being naked in front of another woman intimately. Not to mention.. I didn't know how it would all work... I started to doubt myself and my ability to be just a participant in a threesome with someone who said he 'loved' me but was married ...with someone who had conditioned me to believe we were in a relationship when the logical side of my brain knew better. Over the weekend a gf of mine asked me to have drinks with her bf and her at a hotel, I did. I spoke to her about what he wanted; my fears, trepidations.... She told me she'd been with girls before and so we started playing around while her bf watched.. He and I didn't do anything... He just paid attention to my gf while she went down on me.. Then watched as I went down on her. I woke up feeling more excited about the threesome... With 'married man'... I decided to tell him... Said I had fooled around with a gf and wanted to tell him because I kind of felt guilty not having asked him before. Which is the kind of control he had over me... Even though I was technically still single... I never slept with anyone other than him in the past five months. Loyal, honest and devoted to man who still sleeps with his wife (when he can bare it, as he tells me) and was sleeping with multiple other women around the country. He seemed ok about it... Until he phoned Monday night... He grilled me about the evening until I told him there was a guy involved just not with me . To say 'married man' lost his shit... Is an understatement... He then unceremoniously hangs up on me and tells me "please; take this as fact. Nothing good can come from us speaking tonight"... So I don't message or call until Tuesday evening... He's checked up on my rhp profile a few times... So I call... No answer... Message no response. Radio silence... From the 39yr old man (going on 7yr old errant spoilt brat child) who thought he had complete control over me... And when I try to feel more comfortable about an act he has suggested we do with a stranger, by messing around with my friend... And I didn't ask his permission... Well he's 'shaking with anger... I have never felt this anger before. I can't speak or even think of you right now'. This post was inspired by freyas 'heart' post... I haven't eaten in four days... I am so bloody anxious about this situation. But hoepfully venting here will allow me to stop thinking about the situation and focus on me and ny health.One thing I do know: Totally open to love with someone who isn't married... Who isn't a puppet master... Who doesn't try to condition me or control my life. Who wants to be with me and only me ...who cares, spoils and adores me... As much as I am willing to do in return. Xoxo, hopeless romantic. p.s sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes... I'm exhausted and typing on my phone! - Posted from rhpmobile

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Young Beautiful Free !! I said FREE You have so much to look forward too ,without this man . - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You are dealing with a narcissist. I know because I was in a relationship with one for 15 years. Walk out now, or you will be left with no self esteem and become damaged goods....like me

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Tell the loser where to go. Stand your ground and don't settle for anything less than what you REALLY want or deserve. Be strong girl, open your heart to a positive experience and it will come to you when the dust has settled and you are in a better place. Hugs LG

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    A couple of good friends,tell them you need their support for the next few weeks..phone them when you need to..find a counsellor you can talk to,don't do this alone...you have been emotionally abused by this man..you know you should stop seeing him but need help to do it..Try to not have anymore contact with him at all..he does not care about you and you need to take care of you..sometimes we meet people and see them as we want them to be,not who they really are..you already can see the real him...now be strong,don't let him back in..hugs xxFreya

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I don't see you make excuses for this man's behaviour, which I think is a good start. However, the fact you felt guilty, and especially you calling him after his angry tirade tells me how much control he has (yes, present tense) over you. I think the reason you are so anxious is because you aren't finished with him yet. Once you do are, the constant feeling of being on edge will go away in my opinion. So make the decision to choose you and love you and both block and delete his number. You say you want to be spoiled and adored, but frankly I don't think you believe you deserve it. Only when you do, and accept nothing less, will you meet the guy worthy of you. It might take time, and you might need assistance. I hope you don't think there's anything wrong with admitting you can't do everything alone, that and asking for help can be great signs of strength. Look after yourself x My 2cts

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    you seem nice... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That's horrible. You need to never see this prick again. Also, as a general rule of thumb, if someone wants you to do something you really don't want to do, and they don't respect the fact you don't want to do it, then they don't respect you. Cut that idiot loose.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    We don't call him a narcissist, we call him a c**t. This man is NOT a real man. A real man does not try to coerce you, to guilt trip you, to force you, to manipulate you or try to mould you into something that he wants. Take yourself on a holiday or unplug from the situation. Go sit at the beach, or go for a walk in the forest. Spend some time with animals/nature. Get a massage. Anything to take your mind off where you currently find yourself. Then go for your favourite food! If you have a shoulder to cry on, use it. Also, as Freya said, there is no shame is seeing a counsellor or phychologist, it can even be covered by health insurance or medicare. From your profile you seem like a lovely girl and I wouldn't want to see you become 'damaged goods' like Koko has mentioned. Too many people find themselves with the wrong man/person and the long-term issues that result can make it difficult for any future relationships, even when with the right person. Block him, put his number on the screened/blocked calls of your phone, and/or do something symbolic like printing out his profile on a piece or paper and burning it, or writing on a piece of paper that you will no more to do with him, and sign it. (This kind of thing is actual counselling advice). Be well x

  • DynamicCouple36

    DynamicCouple36

    11 years ago

    Cut him loose/out of your life. He is married and obviously likes his bread buttered on both sides. He will never leave his wife for you and as a result there will be just one loser, you. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You can do better. You are attractive and intelligent. Just be positive and stay focused and the right person will come along. Someone who appreciates and respects you. You don't have to compromise for anyone. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I agree with what Freya has said, get support to get out of this abusive relationship. The Women's Information and Referral Service can offer you links to support services such as counsellors. Their contact details are : 372 Spencer St, Melbourne VIC 3003 PH: 1300 134 130 Good luck.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I just wanted to say I think many of us are damaged goods in one way or another, and there is not a thing wrong with that. :-)

  • Hottie1

    Hottie1

    11 years ago

    Is not his behaviour but your awakening and realization, which has come about in a gut wrenching, heart breaking way 😢 You do not deserve this, it's how you go from here that determines your future. Love you enough to feel the hurt, pain and disappointment of his behaviour. Use these as constant reminders for the way he tried to bring a beautiful lady such pain and bitterness. You have a lot to give, don't let this married man destroy you or the possibility of a wonderful future with a love you do deserve. Hugs to you, Mary xx

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    What was it that attracted you? I am sure you know, if it was the cheating and his personality you should speak to a psychiatrist if you wish to avoid getting involved with someone like that again. But I don't think you will. My gut felling is that something does not sit right with your story but I can see nothing to indicate you are not telling the truth. But that said i suspect there is missing information that is very applicable to this situation. You have our sympathy, no one should have to deal with serial cheater, but you went in with your eyes wide open. You also knew he would not like the fact that you played (your girlfriend's boyfriend sounds like one very frustrated man, good on him for keeping his pants on). You told Mr married man knowing full well his reaction would be what it is. That puzzles me, and the convenience of the motel room with the girlfriend does also. But what the hell, all i have gut feeling so have to take it as is. If i was you I would simply cut all contact with the married man he is poison and can never be trusted. Dont answer his calls, or reply to his messages. He will soon enough give up. You are young a pretty, which you most likely know, the boys should be falling over them selves for an opportunity, it will not be long till you meet one that you like. I hope he will be a good man to you and make you happy.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You are a beautiful woman who deserves better than a narcissist. Stay away and you will realise in time that you dodged a bullet and that there are men that respect women, aren't selfish and are deserving of your affection. Sounds to me like you gave this ungrateful guy more than he deserved. You will heal and there will be nicer much more appreciative and caring guys waiting at the other end. Keep smiling. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    11 years ago

    I am sad for you honey, you deserve so much more. What I'm going to say to you is going to be hard for you to do, but you need to dig deep within yourself and walk away now, don't look back, block his number, block him on here, block him on whatever else he can contact you on, stop all contact with this man from now.... Broken hearts take time to heal, spend time with people that care about you, cry uncontrollably, get it all out, then pick yourself up and someone worthy of all you have to offer will find you....PM me if you need to talk to someone......💋

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    No man has the right to have control over a woman as no person has the right over any other. Great advice from all the women and lovinit said something very important, no contact whatsoever this will just enforce his control and continue your pain. And remember YOU are not the one at fault in any way. Big hugs and take care of yourself Cherry

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Oh gorgeous thing! Sounds like you really find yourself in a bit of a downturn after involving yourself with this guy. The good news is - you will bounce back even stronger and more brilliant than before because experiencing this situation equips you with a some hindsight and lessons you can use in your future. Totally agree with the ladies that have previously posted. Stop contact with this man immediatley. The more you enter into contact, the greater the chance you leave yourself open to manipulation and emotional torture - two elements you don't need in your life. Go through what you need to and find the inner resolve to claw your way back up to a position of power and victory, a place where you control your direction and the people who can influence you. I don't speak from experience as I have never knowingly involved myself with partnered or married person but surely nothing good can come from a situation where a person remains in a previous relationship (emotional or contractual) whilst pursuing another. Maybe that's something you have learnt through this? Of course, I don't know about this persons situation, if the marriage was open or closed. I'm just making an assumption from the way in which you have written the scenario. Best of luck to you! ~KK x - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Dont walk..... RUN away from people who are not available, not sincere and not honest.. if those three traits are what you seek, expect and demand of others. You are better than to deserve anything less than a level playing field. BIG HUGS....onwards and upwards for someone more deserving. DG PS... I wonder if he's reading this.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Piss him off, he's not worth it. You deserve better than that arse hole. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RedHotCoast

    RedHotCoast

    11 years ago

    Imagine if his wife found out about all this.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    ...some time to consider (if not recognise) whatever it was that not only drew you to him in the first place, but allowed it to continue. Simply being aware of that is half the battle - if not, chances are you'll be drawn to the same kind of person for the same reason(s) at some point down the track.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Run away and don't look back. Sorry if his like this now (in shirt time) imagine what or rather how controlling the relationship will become over time...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    She is absolutely on the money - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I can't believe I'm reading this... Coming from a guy who has for the last 13 years been trying to undo the damage that was by my wife's previous " partner" I feel very sorry and upset for you. PLEASE!!! Leave this "man" and get as far away from him as possible... He is nothing but poison and he will ultimately destroy you emotionally and mentally. I have had good read through your profile and you look like and seem to be a very beautiful person inside and out. Very caring, honest, loyal, bubbly and " looking for a puppet master" those are the attributes he is preying on and that is exactly what he is! A master of puppets ( no reference to Metallica intended). You said that he is married.. Do know anything about his wife? I.E does he treat her the same. Seems to me I bet he would. After attending numerous counselling appointments with my wife thanks to her former partner all i can tell you is this, most likely he is very intelligent and articulate, insecure man with self esteem issues and worst of all he more than likely knows it causing him to take it out on you. From what I have read he also seems to be a "bottler" of emotions so when he does "pop" or give you the"radio silence" again most likely you are not only copping his wrath from the initial implosion but from what ever else he has suppressed. This might sound extreme but.. These traits can and most likely will progress into some form of domestic abuse whether it continues as is or becomes physical and or sexual time will only tell, but drawing from my wife's experience.. Who's relationship started off very much the same as yours but ended up with her being assaulted and other things by him numerous times..... Leave! You deserve so much better for yourself and as hard it will be to do. Only you can make that happen and I really hope you do. For everyone who read this post and wants to comment... The reason I have posted all of this is because these issues were the cause of great strain in the early years of our relationship and hit has struck a deep heart string.. NO man has the right to abuse women FULL STOP!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Meander' I don't see you make excuses for this man's behaviour, which I think is a good start. However, the fact you felt guilty, and especially you calling him after his angry tirade tells me how much control he has (yes, present tense) over you. I think the reason you are so anxious is because you aren't finished with him yet. Once you do are, the constant feeling of being on edge will go away in my opinion. So make the decision to choose you and love you and both block and delete his number. You say you want to be spoiled and adored, but frankly I don't think you believe you deserve it. Only when you do, and accept nothing less, will you meet the guy worthy of you. It might take time, and you might need assistance. I hope you don't think there's anything wrong with admitting you can't do everything alone, that and asking for help can be great signs of strength. Look after yourself x My 2cts Meander you are so right :) It actually took the death of my wife's then best friend for her to gain the strength resolve to leave that controlling fool. Cherrylips13... It's time for you to be totally selfish and do what is only right for you, in an emotional and physical sense.. Please only yourself and no one else, Mr Right wont be far away, in the mean time ;)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    is the worst kind of idiot, get far, far away from him. as he said, nothing good can come of this, not just the little bit of playing around, but anything to do with him. i sure as hell hope i don't see you in the news because of him. ps - not all guys are like that, there's so many to choose from who will treat you right

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You look and sound lovely. A relationship, no matter how much or little is involved, requires respect from both sides. It seems to me that the respect is all one-sided. He does not deserve you. WALK AWAY! NOW!!! He is going to break your heart more than you can ever know. There are hundreds and hundreds of men who would love to be a part of you. Give one of them a chance sweetie. You deserve it. Warm hugs and big kisses. MrsSAF

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    The way you have framed your OP and described the feelings you are having now, I don't think that you're quite ready to let this man go, which in a sense is understandable if this is the first time you've experienced this type of situation. Although not with married / partnered men, I've been in similar sorts of situations and I know that anxiety that you talk about. It wasn't until I finally recognised the situations for what they were, and that the men who caused me that anxiety were not worth my time, that I could properly move on and get them out of my head. I also realised that I was stuck in a cycle of repeating the same sort of pattern with the same sort of guys, and recognising this and how unhealthy it was for me allowed me to call a stop to it and start focusing on myself and what was best for me. As others have said, the best thing is for you to cut off contact with this man, but I do recognise how bloody hard that can be at first. It will get easier though, particularly once you fully realise that you have no reason to feel guilty and that this man is manipulating your heart and your mind. I'm sure you'll get there, and the experience will make you smarter and stronger for the future.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'xKiwiBredx' ...some time to consider (if not recognise) whatever it was that not only drew you to him in the first place, but allowed it to continue. Simply being aware of that is half the battle - if not, chances are you'll be drawn to the same kind of person for the same reason(s) at some point down the track. ..... Listen to yourself? ..... this is not happiness .. this is misery .... choosing the path of the 'victim'. If the power play is the attraction, then there are lots of healthier ways (and kinder people) to explore it.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'xKiwiBredx' ...some time to consider (if not recognise) whatever it was that not only drew you to him in the first place, but allowed it to continue. Simply being aware of that is half the battle - if not, chances are you'll be drawn to the same kind of person for the same reason(s) at some point down the track. ..... Listen to yourself? ..... this is not happiness .. this is misery .... choosing the path of the 'victim'. If the power play is the attraction, then there are lots of healthier ways (and kinder people) to explore it.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    .... trigger finger is playing up ...lol

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You are play mates.... If it doesnt work for you, go. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You're young, sexy and you're heart is in the right place. You might lose this if you stay with him. Leave him, learn from your experience and don't look back. I am sure there are a million and one (single) guys willing to treat you kindly - as a minimum.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Great writer too btw. Initially I sighed when I saw your post due to its length. But it was written really well. I quite enjoyed reading it.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    RHP is the last place you should be. I'm sorry to hear that this has happened, but as you yourself say, you need to start thinking about rebuilding your emotional and physical health and this is not the place to be doing that. You don't need the temptation of seeking out another similar guy on here. Start living your life on your terms and practice some genuine self love. Look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why you got involved in the first place and why you continued to believe his BS. Take care and best wishes to you

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    This peanut 'loves' you. To him, you're a plaything to be used whenever it's convenient for him - any return emotional investment he says he has is bullshit. And unfortunately he's now got you to the point where you apparently have to ask permission to play with people, and risk his wrath if you do. Hanging off his every word. I stress this is not your fault btw, it's just the way some of these morons operate. And don't think for a moment he hasn't done this before, or has another woman somewhere else in exactly the same situation. I'll put money on it, because men who do this are serial offenders. There'll be others falling into the same trap after you. Top advice from the ladies - block, don't return a few calls. Then listen to the vitriol on your voicemail and it might make the necessary decision to cease all contact with this fool easier. You might not think so now, but you can and will pick up a better fish. You need a barramundi, not a puffer fish. Turf him immediately. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    He messaged me... I deleted it before reading it. Blocked him... Deleted. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Twisted_Mister' This peanut 'loves' you. To him, you're a plaything to be used whenever it's convenient for him - any return emotional investment he says he has is bullshit. And unfortunately he's now got you to the point where you apparently have to ask permission to play with people, and risk his wrath if you do. Hanging off his every word. I stress this is not your fault btw, it's just the way some of these morons operate. And don't think for a moment he hasn't done this before, or has another woman somewhere else in exactly the same situation. I'll put money on it, because men who do this are serial offenders. There'll be others falling into the same trap after you. Top advice from the ladies - block, don't return a few calls. Then listen to the vitriol on your voicemail and it might make the necessary decision to cease all contact with this fool easier. You might not think so now, but you can and will pick up a better fish. You need a barramundi, not a puffer fish. Turf him immediately. - Posted from rhpmobile You can still love someone and treat them like shit. It's called being a see you next tuesday. As eloquently explained in the Simpsons, some people are just jerks. MARGE: Gosh, I thought he'd be happier in his true habitat. ZOOKEEPER: Oh, I think he is. MARGE: Then why is he attacking all those other elephants? ZOOKEEPER: Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs. Simpson. - Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks.

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    11 years ago

    Strength, dig as deep as you need too.....💋

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I agree with all the above, you do deserve better, but why continue to go after a married man? And then you come online with self pity and expect forumites to comfort you? WAKE UP GIRL! You are single, go after a single guy that will respect you and possibly have a relationship with? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??????????????????????????????????????????? Why are so many girls/women drawn to married men? It happens more then you think. You need counselling. you need to get off redhotpie, go out for the night and meet a guy!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I hope that this has made you stronger. There are some great guys here, which I truly believe I am one of them. You do what you know is best for you. J

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Well done for putting up your post in the first place... takes guts to put yourself and your pain out there for all to see and comment on, even though sometimes writing it all out can help you to see the bigger picture in your mind. Well done also, for finding the strength to block/delete etc. Keep strong :) I don't have any advice for you over and above what other posters have already said. I'm sorry you've had to experience this, but I get the impression that you're a smart girl who's just made a couple of bad decisions lately, and that you will learn and grow from this. Having your heart broken is not much fun, and I hope the pain doesn't last too long. Take care, and look after yourself. Much love, Astrild xx

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Any wonder 'married men' get such a bad reputation ! Shut the door and walk away, you most certainly deserve better than the way this individual has treated you....

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    And it's not fair or right. But I agree with Want This. Sorry, but we all have choices. For instance, you could have chosen to eat something instead of writing a lengthy forum topic. Sigh, please don't get me wrong. I totally empathise. I have experience with 'unavailable' men. Hurts like friggin' crazy and totally does your head in, but you knew. Right? You knew where it was heading long before it got there? Maybe, maybe not. You are young. Find your strength. Learn from this experience. Oh and there is nothing wrong with airing out the closet. It's good for the soul xx

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Cherrylips13 can U please message me ?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I agree with kokoflamingo. The guy is a narcissist at best... Sociopath at worst. I know from experience too & am feeling your pain. Please walk away and get some counselling to help as these guys are real head fucks. I'm happy to chat to you if you want x - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Ahh the narcissist personality. They cant love anyone but themselves, but will love the fact that you fall head over heels for them. They feed off that. And dont think that you are the only other woman, the woman "he used to sleep with" that was set up to have a 3some with you is more than likely in the same relationship with him as you are. Has he let you two ladies speak to each other? After all, you will be being intimate with her. But being the game player that he is, he would get off on bringing you both together and you both think you are "the one". Do you realise you are in the power position here? You always have been. He cant manipulate you unless you let him. He knows that. When he gets upset and "punishes" you with silence or sharp words, he's showing he is losing control over you. because he knows you have the power. Use that power now to realise what youve given of yourself over the last 5 months was wasted on a manipulator who just gets off on the game. Its a very sub/dom relationship. The one who feels the weakest is actually the strongest. Show your strength now.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Forums are for venting... I didn't come here for pity... I know I've made some stupid decisions lately... Which I have taken responsibility for. I knew what I was getting into and from the sounds of it you seem to that I deserved what I got. Cheers for kicking me when I'm down. We all make mistakes and I've never ever claimed to be perfect. I came here for constructive advice. Thank you for your input. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    he will most likely try every trick to "keep" you. Anger followed by sadness, then apologies etc. He may tell you how much he loves & needs you etc etc. Do not believe a word of it. I see you've blocked him. Be strong & keep him blocked xx - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Kudos to you Cherrylips for your post which has no doubt caused you a lot of anguish. You have realised that you do not deserve to be treated in the manner which this egotistical manipulator has tried to do... Take the time (either on this thread or by text) to thank him for showing you exactly what you are not seeking in a relationship. (casual or otherwise) By thanking him, you can further release yourself from any feelings or obligations. This may sound a little weird at this time ....you are fortunate to have experienced this at the age you are now..... it allows you to take a little time to process the hurt you are feeling, learn from your mistake, then move on to enjoy the rest of your fabulous life.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Thank you so much ... All of your advice has been heard and I'm feeling like I've got control back! Yes... I totally get that I shouldn't have been in the situation in the first place. I regret it... But it has indeed shown me what I do not want it my life. I'm passionate ...I don't want someone to squash that! Taking my little butt back to the beginning... Working at loving myself more... It's true 'you accept the love you think you deserve'. I've got a bit of work to do!. The relief I feel now is so overwhelming... Back to free and happy Cherry Lips! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Well done. Now stay strong and DON'T go back. Always go forward..xxThinking of you.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Yep you fell in love and now you have to mend your heart. You know as well we all do he is a very insecure man who needs to control. I wish you well in the future xx

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Young, gorgeous and free. Get out now and live! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Cherrylips, From my study of psychological responses, this guy uses a form of manipulation called Gaslighting. It's a form of control used by narcissists to manipulate the reality of another person- usually a loved one, to gain advantage over the other. I can speak for hours about this topic & how it gets used by other people- the little mind games people play & how to identify them.... I bet if you spent about 50-60 hours of deep study about this topic, Gaslighting, you'll be VERY WELL ahead of everyone. -Good luck with your own research- I hope you pull through this.....

  • QLDtwo4fun

    QLDtwo4fun

    11 years ago

    Perhaps it time for you to seek some professional counselling so you can understand yourself. Even when you escape this guy, making the break from manipulative people can be hard, and you will need support.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    There's also a really cool B&W movie made in 1944 which VERY subtly explores this topic. It's actually called Gaslight, which gave birth to this psychological condition. My flatmate tries to gaslight me all the time & it's quite hilarious when you can SEE IT COMING- I've given her the name of what she does, given her plenty of examples of how she does it, watched as she's looked this stuff up, issued her with an "I know what you're doing woman", and she STILL tries it on (sociopathic tendencies methinks).

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Interesting that you took the same path 'married man' took in your response. When I said 'my gfs boyfriend and I didn't do anything'... I mean that we didn't have sex... There was touching and kissing. It all happened after a few too many drinks... And he didn't keep his pants on...My gf was going down on me ...he was behind her... Would you like me to go into further detail? In response to the 'so is the convenience of the motel room'... My gf is from qld... Where I am originally from... They were here for the weekend. Yes I knew he wouldn't approve of the playing... But I think you're missing the point... He got angry at me for doing somethinf that he was expecting me to do with him. He realized he didn't have total control over me and lost his shit. I expect I'm not the first and won't be the last woman he does this to. I also know that I was really vulnerable when I met him... It was the beginning of a new year...I was single... I was lonely and in a new city. I wish I hadn't been such an easy target... But I realize I was and need to learn from this. It never felt right and I tried to end it so many times. I've just got to learn from this and run away when red flags pop up in the future. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    He needs you more than you need him. You have done the right thing dumping and blocking him. You are young and attractive and will have no problem finding a guy who will devote his entire attention to you. I Have seen similar controlling behavior from a friend going through a divorce. He will try any excuse to get you back under his control, including fake self harm and pity. Don't fall for it. Scum like this tend to be cowards, if he try to give you grief take it to the authorities and he will fold. Just take it as lesson learned and move on. Cheers Khal

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    You don't have to justify yourself to anyone on here. Some people cant see beyond negatives. A word of advice tho. RHP is not the place for a healing heart. Remember you're still vulnerable and there are many sharks on here. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Loving your eloquent and respectful responses to the less than supportive posts here.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Everything happens for a reason. Even if its just for a lesson to learn what we dont want or need. It only lasted 5 months, some ppl stay in a marriage like that for yrs. you are lucky that you listened to your head and common sence before it got too deep in your soul. Youre young and have so much life experience ahead of you. I really hope he reads this forum post and sees that you are way too over him to take his crap and he will slink off with his tail between his legs. But then he's a narcissist,so he will be too busy preening in the mirror and looking for his next conquests. Feel sorry for his wife... If he actually has one. More likely he just uses that as a cover so he can say hes busy. Just my thoughts. Good luck with it cherry.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    As others have said, get away from the arsehole (won't dignify him with the man) and stay away. If you ever happen to bump into him again, kick him square in the nuts!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    ...he's married but has a hissy fit about you playing with someone else? Ppfftt. Plus he's in another state.... Which is a state of selfishness in my opinion

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I too have been in numerous emotionally abusive relationships. I feel your pain! They knock the wind and confidence right out of you. You begin to doubt your own convictions and beliefs. Please don't allow it for a second longer. Hold your head high! Smile :-) Know you deserve the best! Know you are a lovely person! Move on and dont look back. Leave him in your dust! Be strong! Great people will come your way I promise. Keep smiling and please keep believing in yourself xxx - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Had a similar experience on this site with a man , and have now got the strength and blocked all contact. Empower yourself and do this first step. You deserve to be be treated with respect, dignity and love. Believe it !! I don't think this is a site for finding love. It's a quick fix- move on and you will grow stronger and wiser- and dump guilt!! It's a wasted emotion!! Xx Roxy - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I have been where you are ... worrying about what I did wrong, and why the man I loved was angry at me when I was just trying to do everything I could for him. That was the problem - it was all about him. A few people have mentioned the word "narcissist" and I think that's appropriate - he sounds like he is the kind of man who needs to be in complete control, and when he isn't, he is enraged. Take care of you. Spend some time with people who have your best interests at heart. You need to take care of you right now. xoxo

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I really do have an amazing group of supportive friends and my family has been amazing too. It's proved to me that I just lost my way a little... And realized it before he gained complete control on me. Onward and upward... Can't thank all of you enough ...those who have responded with advice and support... I am so grateful. And those who have PM'd me with words of encouragement... You're so lovely! Hope everyone is having an amazing weekend! 😘😘😘 - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Clearly this is totally unacceptable by him, the support here and self belief you have leave the tool out on his own. Perhaps you taught him something to. I feel for the wife though also and hope the wife is unharmed by the tool. No one should hassle, harm or hurt anyone in anyway. Professional conversations make a huge difference and provide clarity of mind, your heavy heart would lighten to. Use the force Padawan. You were a better person them him from the beginning as he brought the wrong attitude with him. Your on higher ground and you'll rise above this. Peace be with you.