F46
Friend with benifits
November 19 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
I was in a situation where the other person did get feelings...however I may have been guilty of spending probably to much time with this person...lesson learned on this occasion. Also there was serious communication issues on my part which didn't help and so it did end badly. My advice is communication...talk openly with the other person and if the feelings may not be mutual then maybe rip the band off and end it quickly. I also think there should be some distance with a fwbs...nothing wrong with good sex and a few social meets but no over txting, ringing on the phone...just keep it simple I guess.
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AKAHunk
8 years ago
I've had several FWB's over the years, and although a couple of them have stated that they did have feelings for me we'd been very clear from the start what the go was, so it wasn't an issue. As long as you communicate exactly what you're after/not after, and as sting78 said, keep some distance and not get too personal, then there shouldn't be any major problems.
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RHP User
8 years ago
It totally works - if everyone is on the same page, and communication is open and honest. I don’t think “feelings” are something you catch, but if you’re talking about romantic feelings developing, I guess you’d deal with that in the same way that you would if you were in a platonic relationship with someone you weren’t having sex with and they started to develop feelings for you. I don’t think there needs to be any specific rules, apart from what works for you and whoever else is involved in your various relationships. My FWB’s are friends first. I can ring or text them if I need to chat, or if I find a good meme to share with them, or if I need to tell them how much I love the book I just read. But I also have space too, and I’m happy to give them theirs as well. If I was in a relationship you describe, Sting, with drinks and sex but not much communication otherwise, I’d consider that a Fuck buddy rather than FWB situation, and that’s not what I’m After at all, so that wouldn’t work for me. I need a connection with the people I’m going to sleep with. It doesn’t have to be romantic, but it does have to be personal. That’d what FWB means to me, anyway.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have a fwb who I met from Rhp. We're both in the lifestyle, we openly talk about what we get up to, we're both very career focused so probably don't hang out as much as we'd like to. It's seems to work pretty well :)
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RHP User
8 years ago
As long as it's open and upfront from the start, it works well. If feelings start to develop then you need to discuss that asap. - Posted from rhpmobile
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FeistyFatty
8 years ago
Ive been lucky enough to have a couple to quality FWBs since starting my journey. Never had an issue as far as becoming too close or developing feelings as I'm happily married so, for me, I'm far too pragmatic to let feelings ruin my life. I have genuinely cared for these men and vice versa and we've always chatted candidly about our lives and partners and other playmates etc but that's where we leave things. Like everyone else has said, starting off with clear boundaries and a clear understanding of the "relationship/arrangement" is paramount to its success. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I had one FWB that lasted four years until I pulled the plug but it was by far the best "arrangement" I've had! There was never any danger of us falling in love because we weren't each other's type. Right from the start, we were very candid and frank about what we wanted (companionship and sex). We ended up kinda like a bf/gf and were very involved in each other's lives, keeping on touch v frequently by phone or msg'ing. We knew each other's friends and I knew his family too, but we never confused that with love and we never wanted a "commitment" from each other in the typical, stifling way. Yet, we were exclusive. Best FWB ever! 😃 A not-a-relationship relationship that provided a gf/bf experience when appropriate, never in each other's faces because we both loved privacy and me time, and all needs are met including emotional and psychological! And sex on demand! Woohoooo! 😄
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RHP User
8 years ago
And rules are essential, but.... don’t make rules your not prepared to honour. Saying one thing and doing another just makes you another lying shit.
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RHP User
8 years ago
ive had several FBW's over the years and most of them lasting over 3years......there doesn't have to be any rules, as long as there is a lot of totally honest communication
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RHP User
8 years ago
Having been fortunate enough to have had several exclusive FWB’s over the last few years, I feel that it can be the perfect arrangement with the right person. Personally I prefer to have sex with someone actually like and I can connect with and can communicate with in between play sessions. A good connection and good communication makes it much easier to fulfil each other’s desires and fantasies without the need for a full on relationship. Being fiercely independent but also a highly sexual woman I find having an ‘exclusive FWB’ has served me very well, as my sexual needs are being met by someone whose company I enjoy and where there is a level of mutual respect. I have even had a ‘couples profile’ on here previously with one of my sexy FWB’s and we shared some very sexy experiences, something my current FWB and I are hoping to explore together when the time is right 💋
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Chaucer
8 years ago
I think that as with ALL relationships that communication is the key to success. FWB need to be aware of how each other is feeling, or how they may be constrained by time/work/family/health. A booty call is all good & fun, but if you end up too tired to work too often, it can cause problems. That first word - FRIENDS - is the most important - you have to remember you are Friends first. Being a FWB means that even though it's not a gf/bf arrangement, you are still open and respectful of each other & discuss things that impact each other. One of my previous FWB is still one of my best friends. Unfortunately, I went through a period where I had a dive in my libido and she didn't, so we agreed that she should find another FWB to look after those needs. but we still like each other & respect each other's feelings as well as each other's needs. In fact, we are chatting on messenger right now while I type this Chaucer
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have been looking for someone who is interested in meeting and seeing where it goes. Looking to find a FWB and enjoy getting together and exploring limitations and experience pushing each persons boundaries to extreme pleasurable climaxes. In a safe comfortable environment and hang out for a drink and enjoy the company - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Would you like to enjoy a spontaneous encounter and go for drinks and something to eat now while chatting??? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Having ongoing FWB-like relationships is pretty much all I do. I'm a lone wolf who never wants to get into a traditional big-R Relationship altogether, and everyone who gets involved with me in any way knows that from the start. On the other hand, I do like a fair bit of connection and genuine friendship with the people I get intimate with, so the kinds of relationships I've ended up with are naturally something quite FWB-like, mostly with independent women who also don't want a primary life partner at all. Catching the feels is not a problem when you're both on the same page with what to do with those feelings. ie Just enjoy the warms and fuzzies, and don't make drama... I've never had one of these relationships turn sour. They've waxed and waned in various ways, but never blew up in a super negative way. The friendship always remains a solid baseline. My experience probably isn't really applicable to most people though. Navigating these things is completely different when you DO actually eventually want to settle down into more of a traditional monogamous relationship. When you consciously want to remain living solo and essentially "single" forever like me, it's just a different lifestyle and dating landscape. Not to mention that I move in the polyamorous community among people who do this very very well. :)
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RHP User
8 years ago
The problem I have with 'exclusive fwb' is if it's exclusive, it's a relationship isn't it? Also exclusive for who? If they're not wanting a relationship with you/me/whoever, then it's unlikely they wouldn't be having fun elsewhere, just not disclosing that. Being fwb as opposed to in a relationship usually allows freedom, with that freedom I think or IMO they would have other partners. The difference to me, and one I'm struggling with atm, is fwb can include going out with them, as opposed to just meeting for sex, as with ongoing fb's. I have only had fb's and although some were amazing, I did like them, love them with with them intimately, I now want to be more able to get out and open up the heart more. Being honest, casual sex has been great, but it has recently started to feel empty. Different if I had a partner already and fb's or fwb's or poly were added, but as a single, sex alone just doesn't appeal so much anymore. The one exception is random RL, meaning just happening across one or more who appeal and playing straight away. That's actually where I'm putting most of my focus now, online I'm finding a pain. But exclusive and fwb in the same sentence, my honest opinion is they tell you what you want to hear
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RHP User
8 years ago
to add to that, the line in the sand where it crosses over to a relationship can be in a different place for both. Exclusive fwb is kind of like removing them from the market, or vice versa. The only time I've gone exclusive was my own choice because they satisfied me, but never expected them to be. Purely my choice
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RHP User
8 years ago
There is rarely a use by date on the underlying friendship, however the sex may stop if/when you become involved in other situation, and/or find a partner etc. Some people like rules, others may just communicate and take things as they come. Life is rarely predictable enough to match up with your desired outcomes. Sometimes you just have to play it by ear. The amount of sex involved can vary widely too. Some people call those as FWB who others would call f-buddies, that is, sex nearly every time they meet. Others hang out as friends, have holidays, coffees, dinners, entertainment etc like a quasi-relationship, with some sex involved. Some see their friends up to several times a week, some a few times a year or less. My longest FWB in duration (about three years) has been with someone interstate, communication is quite regular, but in this case the "benefits" are very rare, about once a year on average. Not far behind that in duration has been with a couple. In that case, there are certainly close feelings and intimacy, but it can never go beyond a certain point, because of course it is with a couple. I can't exactly bring her/them back to meet my parents... Aside from one play party for me this year (that included intercourse), it's also therefor happened to have been exclusive. We both do our best to look out for each other, myself to find opportunities for them to meet others (another couple), and vice versa (for a single woman). We do worry about being hurt if/when it ends, so my focus is on meeting someone from this type of community, who understands the nature and importance of pre-existing friendships. I have had another fwb in the past for about six months (still have communicated afterwards, but not seen each other for a couple of years now and I have little expectation of more). In this case, I perhaps felt more for her than she did for me, as she happened to tick my relationship boxes (single, no kids, dog friendly - also had a dog and our dogs got along!) But I never really got in depth responses from her about her feelings if any for me. But it was also after the end of a long relationship for her (not an unusual situation it seems). So perhaps only being not the right time. Our general life interests were also quite contrary, for something further. In general, FWB seems to be the option people take with those who you are not quite compatible for something further, or one or both not looking for anything further (yet). If it happened that the both of you would get along wonderfully and happily in an actual relationship, I wouldn't see the problem of moving that way. Sometimes one or both are essentially jaded from previous relationship/s. However, I have known the circumstance of two jaded people falling in love, in part because of the commonality of their jadedness :P
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' The problem I have with 'exclusive fwb' is if it's exclusive, it's a relationship isn't it? As per my above post, I have been exclusive with a couple. Technically I am exclusive, while the woman is not quite, as she obviously still has her partner/husband. So this is one case where a FWB is exclusive, but obviously not a (traditional) relationship. Exclusiveness within a group may sometimes be called polyfidelity. There are many types of relationship, FWB could be seen as a sub-category. I would agree that two people in an exclusive FWB are in a "relationship" of some sort, in that they have ongoing relations with each other, just not the normal definition of a relationship (two people in love, and/or committed to each other long term), where each goes after each other with knives/lawyers etc when it ends :P
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RHP User
8 years ago
As you stated above. FWB often means you're still "in the market". Or you're sick of the marketplace and happy enough with who you have for now :)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Would love a fwb to enjoy some extra weekend fun with from time to time, but we seem to be too alternative thinking to connect with anyone on our level that would appreciate enjoying those benefits. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
☝️👍 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I get exactly where you are coming from and appreciate that ‘exclusive’ and FWB in the same sentence could be regarded as a contradiction. I suppose ‘primary FWB’ might be a better term ... meaning that we are each other’s primary playmate, playing together as often as time permits, open to playing with others together as a ‘couple’ and yet still not restricting ourselves or locking ourselves into a ‘traditional’ relationship (which to be honest scares the fuck out of me as I’m scared of getting involved with someone who will try and control me, or cage me - good luck with that ) I’ve had both ‘exclusive’ and ‘non exclusive’ FWB. I guess the key point in FWB is friendship, and enjoying each other’s company outside of the sexual element ... rather than a ‘fuck buddy’ where in my mind there is little to no mental or emotional connection, no hanging out together, but more so purely physical... or as I call it ‘blow and go’. Yeah no thanks - not for me !! It definitely is each to their own, and the key for me is honest and open communication so no one gets hurt. We’ve probably all been there and done that and hopefully learned from the experience. Always good to get different perspectives and I find most of your comments insightful Xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thank you. I respect your thoughts/words, given your experience. Fwb with a couple would have been amazing. Given they have each other, and with normal time restraints, easy to see how that could very well be all they need. Exclusive for you would need to satisfy you to balance all of that, it obviously did for you to go exclusive. I think the key thing is not number of partners, but finding the good ones, the ones that do satisfy us. Not easy to find any ongoing 'relationship' in whatever form, so the label itself is not that important to me. Regular intimate and meaningful sex is something I don't have right now and I'm missing it. I just find people have so much baggage. I love easily, very happy to leave the past and open up my heart, but I find potentials are very guarded, too much so. In the process of protecting themselves from hurt, they miss the here and now. Anyway, that's a bit deep lol
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thank you. Yes it's not easy to define. Have a read of my post above to countrytouch, I'm now looking for something similar to you. Bit different in the sense that I wouldn't need them to be exclusive, but certainly would have to give me a LOT of their time. A girl has needs 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
Exclusiveness with a FWB is not always a literal decision you make. I know some people may find it easy to find multiple play partners, but not all, some have no one, and sometimes it has taken a long time to find that one person. Sometimes each other is simply the only contact each has been able to make, thus far, or for a particular period. It doesn't mean you are in a relationship, or are off the market, or would reject any other requests to meet, date or play with you. You might start considering it as more towards a relationship, if you start declining any other offers. In my case, I have not made any new private sexual contacts (parties/groups aside) for quite a while. So the FWB with the couple is exclusive by default. But of course I am extremely grateful for what/who I have. However one benefit of trusted exclusivity - chosen or circumstantial - is the same as that for a relationship: you can both play naturally for a while (after testing). And if the FWB is quite attractive for your physical interests, as well as being a very lovely person all round, then you may not take yourself off the market (so to speak), but may choose to be more selective when seeking a second partner, than you might if you had no one at all.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yes, agree with everything you said. Big plus being able to play naturally. Being selective as well yes 👍
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RHP User
8 years ago
A lot of great opinions it is good to hear others points of views l to thing they work and are a great alternative to the normal everyday relationship.I guess l have been calling my situation fwb but now l can say it more fb,we don`t hang out or doing anything together it is just catching up at least once a week for sex(use to be fortnightly till the last 6 months ago).Has been on going 4 years,we do have deep and meaning fulls and discuss our lives ect and have made plans to do more but never have.He was first to tell he`s family and friends about me which surprised me at the time,l told few close friends after that but not family.We both had brief relationships with other people last year ,we didn`t catch up at all over this time.l was very open with him that l was talking to someone else but in general don`t really discuss if we are sleeping with anyone else.We were both very eager to catch up once said relationships finished at first it was same as old time just more often.Then at some point convo`s were being had and he was saying things like seeing each other but everything was still the same.(around this point my family found about him).I started questioning what l wanted and how l felt but didn`t mention anything to him as the fb situation was fine with me and in fact worked great from the start.He has since asked what we are and how l felt as he has been thinking about it.I bit the bullet and told him l do have feelings(surprising myself as l said it)while he said at same time it just sex for him ...made the moment a bit awkward.We both agreed after so long it hard not to have some feelings but left it there,continued on with mind blowing sex as always.Haven`t seen him since not sure if he is giving me space or just avoiding me been 3 weeks.Why do thing have to be labelled and be complicated if your enjoying what your doing and not hurting anyone then why change it l say.Hopefully to hear from him soon or will be on the hunt for new fb or maybe friend fwb. l don`t mind the casual hook up or one off here and there but would rather be sleeping with someone on regular basics without all the extra drama ect from a relationship.
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
Quoting 'justseeing'I bit the bullet and told him l do have feelings(surprising myself as l said it)while he said at same time it just sex for him ...made the moment a bit awkward.We both agreed after so long it hard not to have some feelings but left it there,continued on with mind blowing sex as always. That must have been a bit difficult for you? Re. him saying that. Can most people seperate themselves this way? I think if someone said that to me after that period of time I would be instantly turned off. I'm not sure I could have continue to have mind blowing sex ongoing for four years without getting some feeling for the person. In my experience I just lose interest. Thoughts? I'm not judging you OP for your decision/situation it just interests me the way some people can seperate sex and emotion? RE. Finding and keeping a FWB this is my problem with it. I can't get the right mix of connection that works for me. I don't expect exclusivity but I do expect a level of caring. I can't just do the meet up/ hook up. I want to touch base/check in with each other in between. Flirt a bit etc. Not constantly but just enough that I know we are thinking about each other. I guess again it comes down to communicating what you want like Sexy_Vivacious said. Guess I'll just have to keep practising/looking. ;-)
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have a couple of FWB's, and I'm much more comfortable with the married woman than the divorcee. The divorcee is respectful of my marriage and I do know that she would like to be in a closer relationship with a man. I have told her that I will step away when she finds a man she wants to get closer to. We have discussed our arrangement and these days we have more coffee dates than play dates. The married woman will not leave her marriage and likes to get laid elsewhere, unfortunately she lives a long way away and has a suspicious hubby. As with most things in life there's a trade off somewhere in the equation.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' I think if someone said that to me after that period of time I would be instantly turned off. I'm not sure I could have continue to have mind blowing sex ongoing for four years without getting some feeling for the person. Extremely hard EarthQueen more so him agreeing that after so long it hard not to have feelings but stopping short of saying he has any himself in someway l think he my have but doesn`t want to say Now l feel he s avoiding me more then giving me space.I think anyone over this period of time would have some kind of feelings.The question had been on my mind for a while l though l wanted to know but at he end of the day l didn`t.Hopefully it blows over and things go back to how they were.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Do yourself a favour and get away from him ASAP. A co-worker was in an FWB situation and she started to develop feelings for the guy. He was clear that all he wanted was an FWB. She stayed on for too long, he acted like a bastard and she got hurt.
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chris6163
3 years ago
looking for stories for this following writing just anything with FWB i lack expirience in such things im just trying my hand at writing Friends with benefits. Has its social effects Friends with benefits. Has its social effects all friends in disguise, will be your demise both felling comfortable, will you be dis-mantable your next serious, kept them mysterious filling your vial. Are you in denial having two many too partner, which will be your fastener decision not easy to make, which will be your cake Friends with benefits. Has its social effects Friends with benefits. Has its social effects this will not be fun, picking only one time for introducing,, time to make the choosing hesitating another week. Stating to feel like a freak serious is your next , they want unprotected sex Friends with benefits. Has its social effects Friends with benefits. Has its social effects have they past the test, or like the previous rest
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