F60
Giving up something
November 23 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Had a good mate for many, many years. Hooked him up with a girl as he was hopeless at getting them. She decided she no longer like me and persuaded him to ditch me as a friend. As a result I too was not invited to his wedding.........or later on.......his divorce party
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RHP User
10 years ago
Drinking, my sense of humour and spontaneous sex. :( Obi1
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precious142
10 years ago
Why anyone should have to give up anything or anyone for someone else....it should be their choice to make, and not be forced into for anyone else's sake. My ex had mates I couldnt stand, luckily they didnt live close by so he got to see them (by himself) once or twice a year... and he chatted to them as often and as long as he liked - as long I wasnt in earshot!!! There are ways to work around these sort of issues... I'm specting it has more to do with jealousy - they are jealous of the existing friendship and shared experiences, especially if you have been mates for many, many years langton11....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not on purpose though, she was controlling and I was unable to spend time with a mate I had known for over 20-yrs. We basically disconnected for nearly 10-yrs until I split up with the ex last year. Would have lost a good mate if he wasn't such a good mate. So no, it was not worth it. You have to be able to have your own time with mates or friends (and she also should be able to have time with her friends, even if it is alone if they don't get on). Again, in hindsight, should have known better.
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RHP User
10 years ago
yes and every time it was the wrong decision. :( when you are forced to change it generates such negativity and resentment it ends up a relationship strain...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Friends, my social life, my real self. So when he left, I had to start all over again. Luckily, I had a couple of friends over here in Perth that saw me through those first few months and made me get out and live again. I joined RHP and have met so many great people and have a fantastic social life again. Im back to the person I was 17 years ago. And now, I control my life, Ill do what makes me happy and see who I want to see. It might sound selfish but I am in such a good place right now that Ive no intentions of changing things. I haver a great child who wants his mum to be happy, he is a diamond of a boy. To all of my RHP friends, thank you for being you! xxxxx
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RHP User
10 years ago
I wont say what it was because I am so ashamed of myself for falling for such a narcissistic player.But if you have to give up people or things to please a partner it is destined for disaster.It is just control freaks trying to exercise their power over you. And they are very good at it.Of course it is hard to see at the time and hindsight is a wonderful thing. But it is a hard lesson I have learned and hopefully will never make the same mistake again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
But I was the mate in this case. I was once in a relationship with a Christian who wanted me to give up my Wiccan ways. Apparently, Wicca scared him. He lived in England and was planning to move here, so I thought, as he was making a sacrifice for me, I didn't mind making one for him. I packed all my gear in a box and put the box on the top shelf of my wardrobe, pushed right to the back (I'm short, so this would have made the box out of my sight). In this case, no it wasn't worth it. It's a part of me and I learnt that I can pack my tarot cards and crystals away, but it's still a part of me and makes me who I am. The contents of the box came back out as soon as we broke up, which happened before he sent his visa application.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I ordered a 3 piece feed from KFC and they short changed the wifes 2 piece feed by a piece. I gave her my wing piece cos it was the smallest just to keep her happy. Was it worth it? Hell no! If I could get that piece of chicken back I'd be a hell of a lot happier today. I think that moment I lost a piece of my soul I'll never, ever get back :(
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
and never again. I lost a lot of friends in my last long term relationship, not so much because he didn't like particular friends of mine but because he was regularly very anti social. I would expect that any new person in my life would be able to cope with me seeing my good friends and if they don't like them they don't have to join us. Simples really. I would never give up a good friend for a person I have just established a relationship with. If the new bloke has voiced anything along the lines of not wanting her to see her good friend, or any derogatory comments about the good friend, however subtle the comments may be.... anything really that could raise a red flag about him being controlling then she should rethink her new relationship. Those sort of things can be key indicators of an emotionally manipulative and/or abusive relationship in the making.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I gave up my virginity. Yes it was worth it :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Shes young though, and all dizzy in love. I think we all need to learn our lessons in our own way.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Seems to have given up people. I just remembered that my brother chose to give up a sport that he enjoyed playing for yrs because his girlfriend( who became his wife) didnt like the amount of time it took him away from her on weekends( even though it was something he did when she met him. It must have been a sacrifice for him because he still brings it up years later.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Very hurt when someone who I thought was MY friend chose my ex husband...I had a friend whose husband loathed me and took the opportunity at an event that many of my clients attended to tell all and sundry what he thought of me.My friend didnt exactly dump me but I wasn't allowed to meet her at her house.,,my ex's new wife wouldn't let me see or talk to him ever again..if only she knew what a lack of interest we had in each other poor petalxxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
In my marriage, I had to give up a lot - friends, plans, and my own identity. In the break up, a lot of friends have chosen him over me, which hurt at the time, but I'm glad now - is much rather not have people like that in my life, no matter how much I once thought they meant to me. I wouldn't change things though - I am who I am now as a result of all of those choices. At least one friendship I was forced to abandon has come back into my life, which makes me happy. I do wish I'd learned the lessons from this earluer, so I could value myself more, but some things take longer to get than others. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
That's hilarious, i'd be equally devastated and don't know i'd ever rexo - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Didn't finish, i meant i don't know i'd ever re - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Shit, if i had to share my whopper lol there, i've finished - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
people and multiple sports to try and make my recent ex happy. It lead to resentment and hence our parting ways. Learned today there was no going back even though a small part of me wanted it. Meant I would have had to give up this scene. Kind of heart wrenching to realise it's done and dusted but my mates have been massively supportive. I now have some free reign to build the life I want and no compromise on giving up what makes me happy.
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MissBishere
10 years ago
Completely lost my self... He was a terrible controlling manipulative person and it took me ages to wake up and get myself out. never again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' Shit, if i had to share my whopper lol there, i've finished - Posted from rhpmobile You have got all flabbergasted about a "whopper" But what did you have to give up ? or, did you have to share the "whopper"
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RHP User
10 years ago
the whole whopper herself then finished off with downing a large cock.......um...........coke.........no it was probably a cock.
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Katkat
10 years ago
when I was young & naive only 18 then but u learn from your mistakes & yes me & my bestie are still friends for 20 years & we have been through thick & thin. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Can we all donate some money to i_ Touch so she can buy a new phone. That way, we wont have to all give up column space in our lives to enjoy her posts....... Send the money to me and i will be sure to pass it on.......no really i will.
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RHP User
10 years ago
We could do a "go fund me" thingy
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sweetgem
10 years ago
The closest stupid thing I had done when I first got married was to cut down on the number of times I saw my own friends! I literally only caught up with my friends twice or three times a year, which was significantly less compared to before I got married! I thought it was worth it at the time as I had just got married and wanted to build a home of my own. But it turned out to be a hell that I had fallen into and I kicked myself for thinking too naively after I got out! Therefore, my answer to your question, willowtree_2, is NO! No, I have not given up on anything or anyone for a partner and I won't ever do that in this life! It's so not worth it in my own experience! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
When I got married, I gave up sex, or so I was told. lol
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RHP User
10 years ago
Wow, the man who ditched on you at the event, he's a live one! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thanks guys for the i_touch phone fund lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
No i meant i couldn't share or give up part of my whopper haha you'd have to fight me for it, i'm like a dog with a bone lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
we've nearly all got a story about a decision that we'd change how we dealt with it.... But I notice one thing so far from the responses..... It still hurts....it's still seemingly a betrayal to most I'd say.....but I don't understand why?? We all made that decision at the current point of our lives....how were we to know it would go pear shaped??? Forgive yourselves a bit eh?? I have given up my dream of becoming a policeman....would I do it again??? Fuck yes....but only if it were in the best interests of the relationship..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'delving' the whole whopper herself then finished off with downing a large cock.......um...........coke.........no it was probably a cock. Yeah I think you're probably right the third time
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RHP User
10 years ago
Do we put the interests of others ahead of our own?...not just partners but friends and family...It's very easy to become a doormat when we think we are acting in the best interest of the other person when actually what we are doing is enabling their poor and selfish behaviour...I ended a sixteen year friendship when I realised that I had been manipulated for years,bullshit compassion as another friend said.xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Had to give up on sex for a long time as he completely lost interest in it. Not happening again, especially if my new partner refuses to acknowledge it. My ex was in complete denial about his zero sex drive.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' We all made that decision at the current point of our lives....how were we to know it would go pear shaped??? Forgive yourselves a bit eh?? It's because it doesn't matter whether the relationship would last or not....it's a mistake to give up significant parts of yourself, to 'lose yourself', for another person. Yeah sure compromises are necessary in relationships but totally giving up friends, hobbies, sex, etc. is not healthy for you and as we can see it usually leads to resentment and bad feelings. I haven't had someone ask me to give anything up, I willingly and naively did it at the time until I basically lost my own identity. It's taken me years to deal with the fallout and start to build myself back into my own person. I'll never make those mistakes again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Stir........ does someone need a hug? Love you Bro....Platonically..... Don't make it weird.
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is one of the saddest threads I have read. I do hope you all got back what you felt you had to or were made to give up. That is the one of the things that set us apart from other animals, the ability to do what is not the best for ourselves. Been a few instances in my life where someone wanted me to do something I wasn't willing to do but I would not go along with it. I hope I never do find myself in a situation where someone I care deeply for gives me an ultimatum, to me that is so very selfish.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Obi1Kenietzsche' Drinking, my sense of humour and spontaneous sex. :( Obi1 Sounds like me so I ditched the partner...eventually.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've seen couples split and supposed friends take one side or the other.. Only natural that you will like one personality more than another , but it really sorts out who's fair dinkum and who's all talk. I'm very lucky to have 1 genuine friend among many all my life.. and we're still thick as theives . We've been friends since well before kindergarten to now with only one hiccup in all that time, which was a major hurdle. " His wife," she is the most poccesive jealous person I've ever known... Despite all her efforts , she only ever temporyily succeeded in driving a wedge , but you can never break a fair dinkum friendship ...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Oh I didnt want to make it about sadness. But there is always positives that can be found in any bad situation, and we grow from it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't think it's sad,it does add to our sense of self,something that sometimes we struggle to find xxFreya
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Naughtydouble
10 years ago
A good friend will accept the sacrifice for the greater happiness of the friend and when all else fails a good friend will lend a hand and pick u up 😊
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RHP User
10 years ago
Its all about compromising, give n take but letting each person have their freedom without control.If either person tries to control...that is very selfish and to me if that happened...which you can see in public has happened...,Id rather be single as I am, sometimes a bit lonely but...choose my friends both men n woman and am in control of MY own life.Steve
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Quoting 'Stirry' We all made that decision at the current point of our lives....how were we to know it would go pear shaped??? Forgive yourselves a bit eh?? It's because it doesn't matter whether the relationship would last or not....it's a mistake to give up significant parts of yourself, to 'lose yourself', for another person. Yeah sure compromises are necessary in relationships but totally giving up friends, hobbies, sex, etc. is not healthy for you and as we can see it usually leads to resentment and bad feelings. I haven't had someone ask me to give anything up, I willingly and naively did it at the time until I basically lost my own identity. It's taken me years to deal with the fallout and start to build myself back into my own person. I'll never make those mistakes again. and reply to Stirry's commentThis is what I'm struggling with at the moment. As mentioned above I gave up friends, sports, socialising all at different times trying to make my ex happy. Decisions all made with varying levels of shrugged shoulders. The resentment built over the years and with a wife who was isolating herself from me led me to snapping and us separating.The pain I have now is that she still can not/will not acknowledge any of my sacrifices. I kind of feel ripped off and betrayed in a way. My emotions are raw at present and on top of all the other shite going on it's really hard to reconcile with what I thought was doing the right thing with the resentment I feel for her.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! The new 'relationship' who suddenly wants you to ditch your friends, interests, and hobbies you had before he (or she) suddenly popped up into your life - spells one word! DANGER..... Bright Neon Siren Danger! They don't like 'friend one' - so you give them up. Then it's something else, and something else and on it goes. Before you know it, the person - aka you, and has morphed into something even you no longer recognise. Someone doesn't like your friends, values, way of life and vis versa - run, fast! You are totally ill suited. Some relationships seem to be about people who think they can get their claws into you, and if they can just change this, tweak that, a bit of photo-shopping here there and everywhere, and you'll be the perfect picture and just 'right' for them! If you don't like what you see in a person - please move to the next shop front!
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RHP User
10 years ago
those things that are dear to you simply because another human being can't see past their own wants, needs or desires. We're here for a short time, make the most of what really we really enjoy.
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RHP User
10 years ago
that read so much better in my head lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I gave up a career that I loved. For someone. The shit thing was we broke up soon after
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't have much of a social life to give up But I am NOT giving up my dog, so if you're not dog friendly, we won't get along long term :)
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tylannister
10 years ago
I gave up a lot for my marriage. And in some ways, it has only been through being single again that I've realized just how much I gave up. It should have been an indication early on that something was wrong when I fully integrated with her social circles, but she nearly outright refused to spend time with mine. I gave up hobbies and communities of friends with them to try to conform to her values and sense of propriety. In a lot of ways, this sowed the seeds of the downfall of our relationship. Losing those connections with friends and with community was unhealthy for me. I lost my individual motivation, my personal ambition, my drive - and with it, my self-confidence. I threw myself into a life of trying to be the perfect father, the perfect husband. I thought I just needed to do more for the family, when in all actuality, I really needed to do more for me. When my ex told me she was no longer attracted to me, she attributed a big part of it to the fact that I didn't have the drive that I did when we first got together. I didn't have that personal confidence and ambition. But since then, I've re-discovered my passions, re-discovered my hobbies, my communities, my friends. I've found people who value me and love me for who I am, for what I do, and the friends I keep. My drive has returned. My confidence has returned. I have goals and plans for me - not just for my family of my kids and I. As the Ball Park Music song says, "I've got my mojo back. I don't know where it went. But now I feel good. I feel one hundred percent."
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'tylannister' I gave up a lot for my marriage. And in some ways, it has only been through being single again that I've realized just how much I gave up. It should have been an indication early on that something was wrong when I fully integrated with her social circles, but she nearly outright refused to spend time with mine. I gave up hobbies and communities of friends with them to try to conform to her values and sense of propriety. In a lot of ways, this sowed the seeds of the downfall of our relationship. Losing those connections with friends and with community was unhealthy for me. I lost my individual motivation, my personal ambition, my drive - and with it, my self-confidence. I threw myself into a life of trying to be the perfect father, the perfect husband. I thought I just needed to do more for the family, when in all actuality, I really needed to do more for me. When my ex told me she was no longer attracted to me, she attributed a big part of it to the fact that I didn't have the drive that I did when we first got together. I didn't have that personal confidence and ambition. But since then, I've re-discovered my passions, re-discovered my hobbies, my communities, my friends. I've found people who value me and love me for who I am, for what I do, and the friends I keep. My drive has returned. My confidence has returned. I have goals and plans for me - not just for my family of my kids and I. As the Ball Park Music song says, "I've got my mojo back. I don't know where it went. But now I feel good. I feel one hundred percent." They are attracted to you for how you were when you first met, then proceed to change you to how they want you, then don't like you anymore
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RHP User
10 years ago
I know what you mean, it's a bizarre thing, huh! Its sad that so many of us have had these experiences, but I think that I've learnt a lot from mine, and they aren't mistakes I'd make again in this lifetime. I think I'm a better person now because of what I've been through - I certainly have a greater appreciation of the people in my life now who value and appreciate me for who I am, and who wouldn't expect me to give up any part of myself again.
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