F39
Guys Mind Games
December 21 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
I guess being bi is like a two way bet when the guys let you down :) Sorry being frivolous there... but I'm sure there's an incredible number of nice guys who would die to meet you. It's sad really that there isn't a more effective way people can be matched and meet. Online has so many advantages, but then what you see is not always what you get. Nor is there any guarantee that the right bloke is using the same avenues for his search. Finding that allusive soul mate is everyones ultimate quest... other than maybe being rich or win lotto... same thing. It's my experience that no matter what size or shape there will be someone who will want you... but its who you really are that matters most... I know some very popular BBW who are like men magnets because of their magnetic personalities. Regarding the fickle nature of some guys... A lot depends on their time management... how much time they have for play compared to work... and what extracurricular activities they engage in. How much they like you, how much they are attracted to you, how much they lust you compared to simply enjoying your company. In other words... what is their agenda? If you need to look for alternatives... then the first part of this reply will apply. Best of luck Funchick finding that someone special...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Have a nice conversation with them through here, then they give you their phone numbers and/or their msn, you speak for a while back and forth, then they go cold turkey.Fucking ridiculous, it's just as well I don't have time to spare lately.
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RHP User
16 years ago
You say you dont hear from him for a few days? This suggests that he DOES stay in touch. Not everyone (men and women included) wants to text/call/msn every day. Infact, someone contacting you daily can be annoying and makes them seem needy. Personally, I wouldn't do it nor expect it. My suggestion is NOT to sit around waiting for him to call. Have a few prospects under your belt, carry on with your life. If you feel like a toy then perhaps you need to rethink what signals you have sent out to him and what it is exactly you are looking for. Best of lluck Joanna
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RHP User
16 years ago
he just wants to see u wen he feels like it and that wud mainly be for sex..my advise move on or at least get urself a cpl of others so that way u dont hav to rely on him and dwell on his mind gamesp.s I HATE GUYS THAT PLAY WITH UR HEAD ...I wud prefer honesty from the start
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RHP User
16 years ago
It's definitely frustrating and I can understand how you feel. My read on the situation is that you're not the only woman he's interested in and those periods of time in which he's not contacting you he's getting the goods elsewhere. I agree with HotazIce - put yourself out there so you don't need to rely on him. That way your needs are met whenever you need them to be and not just his.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think if a guy likes you he won't play mind games, and usually tell you how it is. If it's just for sex he'll string you along probably until he's over it or does find a girl he won't play mind games with, then you'll be left behind... I always say if the effort isn't in it to start with then it probably won't progress, both making equal effort is good because it shows both are interested. I think you should play it by ear, and see other boys.. that way your not waiting around for something that may never happen :) Good luck
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RHP User
16 years ago
Muppets like that enjoy the power or making some one come when they want them to instead of keeping it at least fun for both parties.If he's playing games cut him loose move on, as brooke_m said You'll be left behind when he decides he is bored of playing his games. its just a pitty the ones who play mind games fuck up the fun for everyone else Best of luck and merry christmas
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RHP User
16 years ago
I agree with Joanna in that not everyone wants to text or call daily and disagree with the others that say he only wants you for sex. I'm not totally discounting that theory, it might be true, but i think it depends on the content of the messages and calls. Does he every text or call just to see what you are up to and how you are going or is it always if he only wants to meet up? If it's only to meet up then i think you could assume he's only interested in getting a bit from you...If he calls or texts sometimes just for a chat and to touch base then he's obviously genuinely interested in you as a person and wants to see how you are. The best advice i can give is that if you are confused where you stand with him...Ask him! Let him know how you feel (maybe try to bring it up casually so it doesn't come off as a whinge) and say you just want to know where you stand so you can decide if you're wasting each other's time as you've got other offers you've been putting off because you were keen on him or something along those lines. If he doesn't change and he still is making you feel that way, that's not the kind of feeling you want to get from someone you're involved with and you deserve better. Good luck hun!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hear Hear to all those encouraging u 2 increase your options. The pity is it sounds like what ever level your connection is it aint bassed on mutual honesty, which quite frankly is easier to do than lies and bullshit.Set your self a level and never limbo for anyone else.If its truth your wanting in your life, heads up, get tuff, set your standard & dont lower it! U have to sweep the crap out 2 make room 4 whats good, new, & true
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RHP User
16 years ago
Ok, i understand you're situation completely...I really like a girl and i try to text her every 2nd or third day to see how she is... but sometimes i start thinking she's getting pissed off at me for all the annoying texts so i stop for a couple days..But i do think you girls need to get in touch if you're really interested too..I mean both parties should try to keep contact instead of it all falling on one person.I think a much better option is to call her on the phone... less complicated.If it is just a 'lets get together and fool around' kinda deal... forget him.Sometimes I'm embarrassed to say I'm part of the male human race, some guys are like pigs.my 2 cents.Steve1603
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RHP User
16 years ago
Sorry, but I don't think you should have to tolerate mind games regardless.If they want to string you along and you don't mind that, fine. However, I don't think its fair or considerate and I won't do to others what I won't like done to me. Be straight up, tell them what you're thinking or where you see things going, then let them make the decision. If it's not going to work out, you can move on and part ways on good terms at the very least - maybe even making a new friend in the process.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey Funchick They play their mind games...as part of their cyber game..the thrill of the chase..to boost their ego..or to score..its a game...as these ones arn't interested in us as a person.....hey if a guy can get sex for free...why pay for it....their not interestedif they are genuine..you would hear from the guy..not just when he wanted a booty call....then whimp out.and because we women let them do it because..we tend to give them the benefit of the doubt...Kick em to the curb..i dont give them a 2 chance..because as i see it if they were really into use...they'd be up frontshow us respect...and stay in touch...regularly...like friends do...xoxomumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
People play relationship games even when they do not know that they are doing it. Guys do compete for the attention of their lovers, friends and potential lovers and friends. It is inherent in being sociable. Having friends can be really hard work. You know, being friendly when you really dont feel friendly at all and so on. Some guys will pretend to be your friend or at least will suddenly beriend you because you are friendly with a certain someone that they are interested in. It is kind of like being used as a portal for grass cutting. The extent to which guys will go can be extreme. For example, I've had straight men pretend to be bisexual for a chance to take a poke at my lover, or undercut me from a potential lover. Yep, it's all a nasty game and you really can't trust anybody! Relationships are really hard work. The minute you take someone for granted and back off the attention you've been lathering on them, that's the minute they get distracted from you and start to take advantage of the spares they have up their sleaves. You've got to pay attention all the time and ward of all competitors like an animal.. hehe. Keeping a "a spare on the hook" is a very common activity for men and I've felt the brunt of this from women too. Don't despair though funchick because you are not alone on this torturous game. Unless we remove yourself from the field we are all sufferers and all of us are players. For sure some of us just need to toughen up and play smarter. My experience has been that leaving our hearts on our sleaves for others to take a poke at is a really amateur way to socialise. Pity really. Pro_guy
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RHP User
16 years ago
i would just love to send messages and texts every day...but sometimes i can't...maybe i'm hanging out with my son...and i don't wanna be interrupted...so i turn my phone off...maybe i'm working so hard digging holes, fencing, roofing, whatever...that i cannot afford to be interrupted...maybe i have an animal going through a difficult birth...and i need ta focus on what is happening because the baby is more important to the mother...sheesh...doesn't mean i'm not interested...if i had lost interest...i would be the first to say...decency and respect are high priorities on my list...so before ya go and dump da guy, why don't you ask him what's going on...and give him time to answer, hey...but i think a week gone by with no reply or message of any sort means ya just found another user and abuser...so i hope that is not the case...i have had one woman do that to me...not very nice...she could have just answered a message of mine with a simple...errr....not interested....cheersjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
You're not the only girl he is seeing/texting. Simple as that. Sorry... Sounds cold, but its true.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'd hate to say it but women are just as guilty as the guys.I've had women not bother returning my email,saying oh yeah i like you but never meeting up,emailing you and sending you flirts,then nothing.I'm actually going to let my membership run out and delete my profile because i'm now getting bored of it all.
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RHP User
16 years ago
but with a female, meet up for drinks the other week, all seemed well, then went quiet...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Having been part of the RHP community for nearly six months (I think they should award badges for staying on here for so long), I"ve come to assume that all men will play mind games. It's very sad. I didn't assume it at first and got totally fucked up. My head is a lot clearer when I'm not on rhp but then there's the temptations that RHP offers that draws me back like a drug. But, it's not just the men. Women play games too. I know how to play them, I choose not to. I much prefer the honest, direct approach. If I'm not into you, I'll tell you. But, I will also keep my options open until I feel reasonably confident that the guy is being honest and open. If I'm in contact with several rhp guys then I"ll be open about that. I'm not going to let a guy think he's the only one if he's not. I'm not desperate for a man. I like men. There are many many wonderful men out there. The search is a very tiring marathon. You need to stay fit and healthy (mentally and physically) to see it through the long term. I choose to believe there is an honest wonderful man out there... somewhere ! Good luck, xx Ms Saturn
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RHP User
16 years ago
hi there funchick. sorry to to see that you have worked yourself into a lather about the people who "play games" as you say. there is an easy solution. DONT TAKE IT ON. are you that bereft of self esteem, that your image of self, is determined by how quick the responses are on this website? you really need to overhaul your idea's, and learn to love yourself, faults, idiosyncrasies and all. and if you do this, then no interactions(or lack of) with other people( be it in cyberspace, or in the 3 dimensional world) would ever be able to undermine your sense of self. another point. i can only speak for myself here (you can only ever be yourself. everyone else is taken), but i'm assuming that most people on here are hungry for NEW experiences. maybe, just maybe,you gave away too much info about yourself too soon, and you took away that element of mystery for these people "playing games" with you. mystery is the key, to keeping things interesting, wouldnt you agree? there could be any number of reasons why someone has stopped their correspondence with you. but it would be counterproductive and futile for you to waste your time worrying about why joe bloggs isnt messaging me anymore. there is so much life and experience to be enjoyed and had. why limit yourself to worrying about what some random dickhead (who you dont really know) thinks of the idea of who you are( they dont know you either) look, i've been on here for two weeks. i've flirted and messaged a lot of people. not everyone gets back to you. but it doesnt mean they dont like me. THEY DON'T KNOW ME!! so therefore it would be ridiculous to take it personally. people have busy lives. or maybe i'm not there type. who cares? at the end of the day, you have to like yourself. all good experiences in your life will stem from this ability to look at yourself, and genuinely like what you see. hope this is helpful for you christopher =)
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RHP User
16 years ago
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RHP User
16 years ago
Often girls who say "no mind games" or say they dislike mind games, will indulge in mind games themselves, thereby contradicting themselves... obviously they don't consider their own behavior to be mind gaming.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I agree with Ajaccio, hell yeah we play mind games, its all about the upper hand, if we dont and are honest it will be the girl that starts playing the games, someone has to have the upper hand, the guy has to have it at the start or you girls will get bored and move on, dont start spouting crap about your sick of it and you wish we were honest, when we are you think we are needy and lose interest, as annoying as games are, you girls want us to play them so you can be swept off your feet or some crap, you crave the excitement of having something that doesnt come easy
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Ajaccio' Often girls who say "no mind games" or say they dislike mind games, will indulge in mind games themselves, thereby contradicting themselves... obviously they don't consider their own behavior to be mind gaming. that's a BIG generalisation...clearly ya have had a lot of experience with that...which is horrible bad luck...must make ya feel all shit inside...i hope ya get ta meet some of the ones who don't do mind games...they are sooooo hot!cheersjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
sorry to sound harsh....but he knows youre a sure thing...so hes gonna call you when all of his other hot dates dont work out. How do I know this??I was once you....waiting...waiting...waiting.Til one day I said....yanno what??Im not sticking around waiting any more.Fuck him hon...he aint worth it.Nobody respects a doormat.Just my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'hotstuff84'I agree with Ajaccio, hell yeah we play mind games, its all about the upper hand, if we dont and are honest it will be the girl that starts playing the games, someone has to have the upper hand, the guy has to have it at the start or you girls will get bored and move on, dont start spouting crap about your sick of it and you wish we were honest, when we are you think we are needy and lose interest, as annoying as games are, you girls want us to play them so you can be swept off your feet or some crap, you crave the excitement of having something that doesnt come easy I am a bit confused hotstuff84, "it will be the girl that starts playing games", "you girls will get bored and move on"???? Do you perhaps mean "it will be the other girl that starts playing games", and "you other girls will get bored and move on" since you state that you are Female, I am just assuming that is what the "F" on your profile stands for.
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RHP User
16 years ago
There is no straight forward answer to this. Both sides sometimes play this game either intentionally or unintentionally. The likelihood of this happening is dependent on the character of the person doing the playing. Both parties should try to set guidelines as to what is too much or too little attention in the first few conversations and respect the other persons desires. Everything in life is about give and take, you just need to make sure your expectations are known. Ultimately if the person makes you feel uncomfortable, sad or angry, try to express this gently and if it is received badly move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea; unfortunately most of them are guppies rather than marlins... but keep fishing. (No insult to guppies' meant). Life is too short for pointless games.
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