Last‑Minute Cancellations & Silence After… Is It Just Me?

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  Deetsy

  one month ago

  Hi Voluptas, I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. I personally think it’s disgusting behaviour on their part. I’ve had my fair share of last minute cancellations, and it does suck, but it’s never been so close to a meet time, and it’s always been for genuine reasons, where we have continued chatting and made time later down the track. My let downs are generally during the initial chatting, where all is going well and then it just stops and they are never to be heard from again. With those, I just figure it’s their loss and move on to someone else who seems more genuine. Hopefully it’s just a run of rotten cocks, and the delicious healthy ones are on their way.

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  RHP User

  one month ago

  Sadly, consistent rejection is part of the game for all of us on these sites. Sucks when it happens but then you balance that out with the good times and realise it isn’t anything personal, it’s just what it is. Keep persisting.

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  JustAManNextDoor

  one month ago

  First off, it’s definitely not you. If someone cancels at the last minute or simply doesn’t show, that’s entirely on them. Anyone who’s spent time in the online scene has probably come across this at some point. It’s a frustrating part of the landscape, along with a noticeable lack of consideration and respect for others. Personally, if I take the time to get to know someone and make plans to meet, I show up. Whether it’s for a relaxed coffee or something a little more exciting, there would have to be a very good reason for me to cancel. Life can occasionally throw the unavoidable at us, of course, but cancelling just to go out with someone else is, frankly, poor form. I’m sorry you’ve had a run of this lately. Hopefully the next person you meet is a little more reliable… and worth the wait.

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  Nightglider

  one month ago

  Firstly, I’m sorry this has been your experience. Be assured though that there are people who match your standards in communication and respect. It often takes time to find. Also, it’s definitely not just you, that behaviour is widely seen as disrespectful. Your time should be just as important as the other parties time. While the lifestyle involves more fluidity than traditional dating, it should not be an excuse for a lack of basic respect. In my experience, I have found that silence is a very loud form of information. When someone goes quiet or rushes the connection, they are showing you exactly how they prioritise others. I rarely rush into meets because taking a bit more time before agreeing to a date allows communication patterns to emerge. Those who are looking for the best option on the night usually do not have the patience for a steady lead up and they tend to weed themselves out. I also pay close attention to the validations they have received and the ones they have given to others. You can often spot a serial flaker or someone with a transactional mindset by looking for clues in their history and how they talk about their experiences. People who rush for an immediate hookup are often the ones most likely to cancel if something better pops up. It can also depend on what you’re looking for I feel. If you both are more into ONS more casual than ongoing connections, it possibly lends itself to the looking for the best option on the day approach too. Not always though. By the time I actually agree to a meet, I have usually seen enough consistency to feel confident they will show up. It’s not fool proof. As some are expert liars and talk the talk very well too. It might mean fewer dates overall, but the quality and respect levels are much higher. Don't let their lack of manners change your standards. Hoping you have some better luck ahead.

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  MsSuperFoxy

  one month ago

  Not all unmet expectations are disrespect. That’s just part of this space. But last-minute cancellations for a “better option” and going silent after meeting someone? That’s not mismatched expectations, that’s just poor form. And flat out saying one's cancelled to go see another couple isn’t having "honest intentions". It is tactless and unnecessary. Pure stupidity. No one owes ongoing interest. IMO once you’ve met, basic ettique should still apply. BUT then again I will ghost if I have no further interest in them. It’s time wasting and fatiguing explaining myself, especially if Ive told them at the end of the met and wished them well. Ms Foxy

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  nightingale8

  one month ago

  Last minute cancellations do happen, have experienced a few and it’s not even just the young guys lol. I try not to take it too personally as they don’t even know me. People make all sorts of assumptions based on pictures. It is deflating though, especially as meeting people is a fairly rare event for me. If they’re cancelling to tell you they picked someone/people they thought were better, gosh that’s a bit unnecessarily cruel and lacking awareness. Who does that! That’s a dick move.

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  Fuckmywifexxx

  one month ago

  Some people like the idea of connecting but don't have it in them to follow through. Often titillated by the concept.

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  Voluptas

  one month ago

  I should of added that I had already met both these men before. We’d had previous encounters, so this wasn’t a first time situation or someone I didnt know. That honestly makes the last minute cancellations feel even worse!!! because I thought there was at least a level or attraction and basic respect. And after all of this, I’ve realised I need to tighten how I meet people and how much effort I put in before someone has actually shown they deserve it. Being ditched within an hour of planned catch up, especially by people I’ve already spent time with, really does feel like a dick move... I also want to say thank you. After reading through everyone’s thoughts/advice, I’ve genuinely taken so much of it on board. It’s helped me slow down, breathe, and look at things with a bit more clarity. I really appreciate the kindness and perspective people have shared, it’s made me feel a little less alone in all of this. ♡☆♡

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  Hunter6386

  one month ago

  Definitely not just you babe. Imo it’s pretty poor form to cancel for a ‘better’ offer. I agree also that the lack of coms after is discourteous. I can understand sometimes people need to cancel for a genuine reason but ghosting after that imo is ah as you say ‘discourteous’ to say the least. Need to be a tough cookie to play in this space, it’s not for the faint hearted that’s for sure! Keep your chin up babe and move on. There is no shortage of men on here!

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  Lookng_4_fun

  one month ago

  It’s would be nice to have a type of uber rating to get rid of flaky single guys because we have met a small percentage of great guys and the rest and for new single ladies/ couples it saves wasting time.

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  Restlessgirl46

  one month ago

  It’s definitely not you…happened to me many times and now I’m saying no 100 more than I’m saying yes..being super selective..it’s helped ..but yes many on here will tell you exactly what you want to hear ..then move on to the next conquest…it’s definitely not for the thin skinned and faint hearted. It is tiring but try cultivate an easy come easy go attitude and the diamonds will appear eventually

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  EarthQueen

  one month ago

  Canceling last minute can sometimes be valid. Cancelling to say I got a better offer is a dick move. Usually people like this show some signs previously of being a dick and sometimes women are just too nice, too accomodating, let things go, make excuses for it. Often previous experiences or relationships have taught us to be this way and we need to unlearn it. When I started here I was waaay too accomodating. I actually cringe when I think back, but it was a learning experience. Maybe expect more for yourself and don't compromise. You don't have to be the nice girl, you can call out BS and be the ghostee if necessary to leave a situation you don't like. You don't deserve crumbs, you need to get the whole cake. Tighten up your boundaries and make sure it's worth your time and energy. If you need a break take it.

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  Zpaset

  26 days ago

  I've had the same experience. Great conversation and then silence or we meet up have a great time and are invited to meet again then silence. I take time to become comfortable with new people but can perform well the first time, even better the second time tho. I'd like to find a local couple or single to become regular intimate friends. I realise that I am competing with 100 other guys but I am kind, respectful, attentive, genuine and false modesty aside decent at sex and amazing at oral. Getting a chance to prove myself is tiring and a honest it was great but we're looking for something else or some constructive criticism or feedback would be very helpful in growing and learning would be greatly appreciated.

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