F108

Learning Curves

November 23 2018

I am on a learning curve. I have shared in another thread about my daughter breaking up with her partner for cheating on her; I never trusted her and always knew she was opportunistic. .Because of the breakup, my daughter needed to find a new housemate she found one through a friend; my daughter did know him already through her friend; he was a great housemate; unfortunately, he became quite unwell and needed to move back with his family; fortunately, there were no lease issues as that was put on hold by the agent/landlord..My daughter has already managed to find another housemate who moved in the other week; her new housemate is transexual I have visited a couple of times over this last fortnight, this is why I mentioned I am on a learning curve ... Rather than typing, I will share some messages between my daughter and me on Tuesday before I went over for a visit. I met her new housemate last week and slipped up a few times hence my daughter's gentle reminder ....My daughter -- Don't forget to work on your she's and hers .Don't worry, ___ wasn't upset, she knows you aren't used to hanging around trans people lol.Just me reminding you lol.Me -- Yep I have been reminding myself often and doing a lot of self-talk about trying my hardest to say she, not he.. My daughter -- Good on you mum. Don't worry; even I have to remind myself and be careful not to slip up. It happens lol.I did once. But have managed not too since.Me -- I don't like slipping up, I even get my knickers in a bit of a knot so to speak if I forget peoples names when I am out and about..My daughter -- I know mum. I know you don't mean anything by it and so does ____. What have your own experiences been with slipping up so to speak while on your learning curves how did you navigate what advice helped and what worked for you? There is no one answer or solution we all plod along as best we can and find our way, for the most part, we work things out. This thread can be about anything that we can all learn from.. My current learning curve is a work in progress I am and will continue to work very hard to be mindful. If I do slip up, it would never be on purpose. Cheers :-)

Comments

SxcMissM

7 years ago

It is a learning curve my daughters housemate her prefered type is transgender And when i first moved to Melbourne i was aware of trans people but i had never met any coming from regional NSW, that changed very quickly as we had a visitor come stay for a while who had completely transitioned but wasnt as girly in stature and some features were still to me a bit male like and i slipped a few times not on purpose but just from what we are used to. There are so many pronouns that people prefer to go by that it can be quite confusing to you. Don't feel bad it is a learning curve and one you will get your head around i am still learning but it is getting easier

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RHP User

7 years ago

My daughter is very much in the non binary world and I have to work on the terminology too. After she's and hers I need to say the non binary "they" but her trans man friend was definitely a he... It really is a learning curve isn't it.?

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RHP User

7 years ago

Is sharing a house with a man..housemate only..who is pro Donald Trump,Tony Abbot,anti immigration,anti the Me Too movement,thinks climate change is a left wing plot,and makes negative comments about women I am very conflicted about all this and after some terrible arguments I no longer respond to this crap. On the other hand he is very intelligent,kind,loves my dogs ,so has many redeeming features. Co - existing with someone whose opinions and politics are so fundamentally opposite to mine is definitely a huge challenge..hugs Q

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Rubyt25

7 years ago

not an easy situation for you, hope this might be helpful I think you are doing this already btw.Not sure if you feel he may have Narsisitic traits none the less this method still comes in handy. I'll just post a bit of the article you can google if you want, there is lots of info/ articles about The Gray Rock Method online. Cheers :) Can’t Go No Contact With Your Narcissist? Use The Gray Rock Method Instead. BY A CONSCIOUS RETHINK ON 21ST SEPTEMBER 2017 There is a narcissist in your life. It’s unfortunate and you no doubt wish it were not the case, but it is. There is a narcissist in your life and you have little choice but to interact with them. Are you doomed to live the rest of your life as a pawn in their never-ending game? Do you have to endure their abuse? Will they always have a hold over you? Quoting 'Quefenta3' Is sharing a house with a man..housemate only..who is pro Donald Trump,Tony Abbot,anti immigration,anti the Me Too movement,thinks climate change is a left wing plot,and makes negative comments about women I am very conflicted about all this and after some terrible arguments I no longer respond to this crap. On the other hand he is very intelligent,kind,loves my dogs ,so has many redeeming features. Co - existing with someone whose opinions and politics are so fundamentally opposite to mine is definitely a huge challenge..hugs Q

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RHP User

7 years ago

You may be right,he certainly has self esteem issues and I could choose to ask him to leave but I am not quite there yet. I can't change his behaviour,only mine. Hugs Q

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RHP User

7 years ago

My daughters...are my biggest learning curve with them being my teacher.... They’re a patient bunch up until recently, and I’m not really one for talking about an issue in depth. I’m a identify, formulate a plan and just go with it kinda guy....they however are not. Pulling back to gauge responses and effectiveness over an extended period of time is my lesson so far....

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countrytouch82

7 years ago

Q... Just wondering by what definition/s you regard this person as intelligent and kind in general, considering his position and thoughts and apparent words about women? Loving dogs isn't a redeeming feature at all. Like I read once on a woman's profile, she commented that she knew some complete assholes that like dogs. You are right though, you cannot change his behaviour. It seems though, you can change his location :p PS Welcome back :)

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