F57
Needing advice
May 16 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I've been on and off this site for some time now and I don't think i've ever seen any profle that says 2 months or 3 months it seems to be always 1 month+ so maybe it's possible. If it is his then he obviously needs to express that aspect of his personality and if the rest of the relationship is worth salvaging then it would be great if you two can talk about it. You never know. There's no reason why you still can't have the relationship and allow him to be who he want's to be. But I'm no relationship expert. Hope that helps
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RHP User
14 years ago
As far as I know, one month is as far back as Rhp captures. Point 2....cause and effectorPoint 3....Some guys just can't keep it in their pants, no matter how good they have it at home.Can I ask a question....Are you annoyed by his viewing of porn?Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
14 years ago
does no one believe in trust any more?? and what about communication??? did you ever think he is being honest with you?? if it says he hasnt been on for over a month then he hasnt been on!!! RHP only go over a month, they arent going to tell people so and so hasnt been on for 5 years try believing the man...get off the fucking site and sort out your relationship or fuck the man off and do him a favor...stop being an untrusting paraniod bitch Hugs roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
If he has to be secretive about something as harmless as porn then one of you is in a relationship with the wrong person. 1) how old is the computer the handle came up on? 2) how often is the history deleted? I don't know anyone who has a computer 5 yrs old so if the info came up in auto complete on a 2 year old computer then he must be lying. Apply logic and reason and see what comes of it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
meet Felonius! I have two laptops and one desktop that would be closer to ten years old, still work and I use them for very particular applications. one even runs 98se.I also have one laptop under 12 months old, and another two desktops under three....lolCheers Felonius
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RHP User
14 years ago
apart from the Bi part.. I thought I had been sprung..... cavey
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RHP User
14 years ago
Roxy thanks for your honesty and yes I do now feel paranoid.. Felonius the porn didn't bother me it was the lying. But I think I will take roxys advice and give him a break and sort our relationship out.
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RHP User
14 years ago
de ja vu....... been there done that ....too bad too sad, now Im addicted, get out there and have fun, isnt that what lifes about
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RHP User
14 years ago
...you made me spill my tea (again) - bugger! :-) It's always sad to read posts like this. I don't have any answers for you (so sorry) but hope you are able to resolve the issue soon. KK x
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RHP User
14 years ago
always hard, I don’t know you, your personality or your husbands, so hard to say what you should do can only say what I would do if on the other foot Would do as you already have, confront your partner, but no matter the reply you have to stay cool calm collective or it will go no where, you also need to know inside if you want it to go on if the worse case scenario Then find out the reasons and if they can be corrected or allowed to play if open about it. Truth!! is biter with me, I hate lies, if confronted with a direct question I would either answer it truthfully or not answer I would not tell a lie, nor would I want a blatant lie told to me, if this is the case then in my eyes the relationship has no where to go if grown on lies. If you’re thinking of ways to see if he is telling the truth to you there are ways to know the actual dates he came on here depending on your computer setup and browser mainly used. However I feel no matter what others say until you have some concrete evidence of either he has or has not been on here or told the truth or lied you are not going to relax or let the issue drop. (ha I wonder how many other men are sat thinking have they been sprung lol)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Skylime, take a look at the forum cheating or not. It sounds like you have trust issues with your man (or boy), unfortunately if you cant trust your partner you can't respect them, regardless if they are doing wrong or not, and if you don't respect the person you are with, why would you want to be with them for the long term. If you have caught him once already, chances are he is doing it again, he has just become smarter at hiding it. If you feel that something is going on, it probably is. Usually a person gets defensive, when you strike a nerve, or you hit the nail on the head. Regardless of whether or not he has done anything since you have taken him back, it sounds like you aren't ready to trust him (I don't blame you, I wouldn't) even though you want to see the best in him and therefore its probably time to move on. Thoughts are with you as I know it's heartbreaking to find your partner cheating on you. Whatever your decision, I wish you the best of luck. Rick
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RHP User
14 years ago
I thought I'd ask if you'd actually been hit up etc.... and wondered whether you're here to play or solely to bust your fella?
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RHP User
14 years ago
If he's honest and innocent you're not going to believe him, if he's honest and guilty you'll be mad. What's the best possible outcome for you here?Find someone who doesn't make you insecure and enjoy life :)xx Sarah
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RHP User
14 years ago
When I first read your thread, I thought it was from someone really young, as this is what I would have done when I was young and immature. Stalking your partner and not believing what he says a lot about your relationship.Trust and acceptance are important. If he has to lie about porn, maybe he doesn't feel free to express himself. And you feel like he's hiding something and not trusting what he's saying. And round and round it goes....But I'm single and not an expert at this, so might be talking out of my ass.
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RHP User
14 years ago
You either trust the guy...talk to him about it...or leave. Hey most of us get a touch paranoid about our partners every now and then. Maybe he is just having fun and messing with the young girlies heads. Maybe he enjoys the banter on the forums....No one knows except him and because you come across all accussing him of things he may not have even been doing, now you wont know either. So he watches porn without your knowledge...maybe he thinks you are going to react just the way you did. Offer to watch it with him. Find out what he likes an surprize him with a few dvds or better still a session on line together. . Relationships require working at. They are not going to be smooth sailing and if everyone gives up at the first hurdle...none would ever survive. If you love the man, if you want the relationship to work, then put in the effort and try a little open communication without all the accusations.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Now why would you be asking him to log onto his email accounts? I think I have about seven of the suckers. I dont know as I dont go on most of them. Do you open his snail mail as well? Snoop through his text messages? Talk about invasion of privacy. SOME people just like to keep thier past and thier own secrets just that...thier own. Just because you are in a relationship, it does not mean that you need to know every teeny little detail about him.
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RHP User
14 years ago
maybe he's just a perv. just because he's hanging out here does not mean he's up for meets. loads of folk come here to haunt the forums, whatch booby in chat, or just distract them selves..as others have pointed out 1 month + could be anything..are you really 42? and if so pull up a chair, would you like a cup of tea.. things are always better with a cup of tea :-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
"A secret shared is trust formed" Master Yoda - Star Wars Trust is very important in any relationship ... I am not sex/relationship expert but echoing everyone's remarks ... From experience - I use (a long time ago) to hide porn from my gf, the reason is simply 1) I sex crazed guy 2) afraid if I told her she will be freaked 3) we were culturely different ... Until one day she caught me ... and turns out she loves porn too - shameful that she has more porn than me! My key take away is communicate and talk to each other ... ... but hey as humans we are all far from perfect - no one is - in this case whats lacking on both parties is lack of open communication ... life is too short ... if you can't forgive, no one can forget 'especially women' we all can forgive ... so ... if can't fix then simply ... There's over 6 billion people on this planet ... so yeah ... Oh about the bi thing - my confession is that I use to put it on my profile in hope chance better luck with couples etc ... which backed fired on me ...Being comfortable in my own skin as I am ... meh ... I think as suggestion rhp should add an option as 'Bi friendly' :-)) Anyway that 3 and half cents worth ...
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QLDtwo4fun
14 years ago
He may be a hard dog to keep on the porch, The question is, or questions are: Is it the infidelity or the loss of trust that bothers you? Is his attempt at infidelity a deal breaker in your relationship? Can you be happy in an open relationship? Are you in interested in swinging together? Should have made a flowchart.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'QLDtwo4fun' He may be a hard dog to keep on the porch, The question is, or questions are: Is it the infidelity or the loss of trust that bothers you? Is his attempt at infidelity a deal breaker in your relationship? Can you be happy in an open relationship? Are you in interested in swinging together? Should have made a flowchart. Bahahahah! Flowchart...love it! All good points though. OP, regardless of whether he 'is' or 'isn't' doing what you suspect, for me when reading your post, what really stuck out was the implication he has felt it necessary to fib or hide what he enjoys or what he would like to explore from you. To me, that's the bigger problem. As humans, we only tend to lie about things we think will 'get us in trouble' or will cause others to judge us harshly. Are you comfortable providing him with an environment where he can talk honestly without fear of being judged or 'getting into trouble'?And consider your audience here OP. It's fair to say that most of us who frequent this site are sexually liberal and some of us (myself included) have other sexual partners within their marriage /relationship - we are able to do this and keep that partnership strong and alive and very healthy primarily because there are no secrets. We do this knowing that lots of people would judge us if they knew about our lifestyle choice but we are, most importantly, honest with each other every day in every way. Can you say the same?My point is, open your mind beyond what is black and white and allow yourself to see all the different shades of grey... who knows what adventures may follow. And if new adventures don't or can't follow for you both, at least you can move forward (wherever that may be) from a place of openness, trust and honesty.Good luck. Really hope you find a solution; I can imagine you must be feeling very anxious at the moment.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'jokerza' Skylime, take a look at the forum cheating or not. It sounds like you have trust issues with your man (or boy), unfortunately if you cant trust your partner you can't respect them, regardless if they are doing wrong or not, and if you don't respect the person you are with, why would you want to be with them for the long term. If you have caught him once already, chances are he is doing it again, he has just become smarter at hiding it. If you feel that something is going on, it probably is. Usually a person gets defensive, when you strike a nerve, or you hit the nail on the head. Regardless of whether or not he has done anything since you have taken him back, it sounds like you aren't ready to trust him (I don't blame you, I wouldn't) even though you want to see the best in him and therefore its probably time to move on. Thoughts are with you as I know it's heartbreaking to find your partner cheating on you. Whatever your decision, I wish you the best of luck. Rick this is all pretty true and some/most of what we'd have said anyways..... we wish you luck also, with whatever you choose.......
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RHP User
14 years ago
looks like another case of "humanoid insecurity to me" Build a bridge and reach out to him or the Tim Tams"Then last week I was searching on google and his username came up he was on here so I joined up to see his profile to find he was looking for email and photo swaps, he also had he was bi curious which was a complete shock to me."and what was it you were searching for, that his user name appeared and in fact was it his or a mates.....all in all though why don't you let it boil inside you and let it destroy your relationship. I mean you know in all reality you don't trust him from the fb chat, so you may as well finish it now and let the poor bugger watch porn in peace. BTW....Bi curious. Wow his intouch with his sexualty and wants to explore it. Here's an idea. Go and buy a nice size dildo and have a good fuking time with him.... Might even suprise yourself. Just sayin yanno....iOn the other hand....ditch him. If he feels he has to hide things from you then he is not being honest with himself or you. l can guarantee though he is afraid to tell you in case you dump him....Fear of rejection was what the phsycs labled t last.
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RHP User
14 years ago
It seems to me that you already know what your man is. A womaniser. You know what you have to do, leave him. He is not going to change whilst with you and you not going to be able to trust him moving forward. Best of luck and move sooner rather than later. Felix_cat
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RHP User
14 years ago
i have been in my relationship for 15 years...and to be honest, one of the reasons it is still amazing...is the desire from us both, toallow each other to be themselves, as much as possible..maybe he enjoys porn, and you disapprove ?maybe he enjoys viewing profile pics of other women/perhaps even interact with one..that doesn't mean he is cheating...could be the contrary...maybe he uses these avenues, as a way, to fulfill those desires, you're not giving him...INSTEAD OF cheating...and he can be content, in satisfying his mind, without getting his bodyinvolved...because he DOES love you, and wants to be with you...but perhaps something is missing...and this is his way of trying to close that gap?perhaps you should ask him, why he has the need, to go down on these roads?what is it, that you could do, to fill that void..?how about telling him, that it's alright, to do what he wants , but you'd prefer to be a partner in crime with him, rather than being left in the shadows?ps...i find, everybody needs some secrets, no matter how trivial...to know, that you are allowed, to have a secret corner of your mind, that is yours only....:)trying to owe a person will never work....be accommodating , to his needs...and he might just come clear about everything, on his own....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Trust already gone. Hard to get back.However, if you go looking for signs of infidelity eve the most innocent thing becomes a great big waving red flag.I would suggest there's no hope for this relationship.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Second time recently that a forum has been started by a woman "trying to catch her partner who must be cheating because he is on RHP". So you join RHP to... what? Catch him? Snoop? Hope he reads the forums so you can notify him in a totally passive-aggressive manner that you know he is here? Get revenge? After all, by your own logic, to have a profile must mean he is cheating. Yours says enough that you've probably got 30 messages in your inbox. Why are you really here? Really?
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RHP User
14 years ago
advice or revenge? why does it matter? either is good.....if this guy is defensive when questioned.....chances are hes guilty of something......all you have to do is ask yourself whether you trust him enough to continue the relationship...if the answers 'no' then make a choice from there.......
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RHP User
14 years ago
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU GET YOUR APPETITE SO LONG AS YOU EAT AT HOME"If you want a lap dog, get one, otherwise talk to the man or leave.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'roxxyrose' does no one believe in trust any more?? and what about communication??? did you ever think he is being honest with you?? if it says he hasnt been on for over a month then he hasnt been on!!! RHP only go over a month, they arent going to tell people so and so hasnt been on for 5 years try believing the man...get off the fucking site and sort out your relationship or fuck the man off and do him a favor...stop being an untrusting paraniod bitch Hugs roxxy I couldn't have put it better myself.
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RHP User
14 years ago
"I already CONFRONTED him about this"There you go right there sister, you didn't sit him down and discuss it, you confronted him about it.How do you think he is going to react, when you've already put him on the defensive? There is a point in every marriage that are pinpointed by little crossroads, where some will either (A)remember that they married a person because they love and respect them as a separate entity to themselves and encourage them to learn more about themself...OR they will (B) forget that their partner was ever a person before they married them, decide that they own this other person, including their fantasies and innermost thoughts, and demand to know the fucking ins and outs of everything!My point here is, the more you snoop into the inside of this man's head, the more he is going to want to keep you the hell out of it. You can keep going the way you are right now, or you can stop! re-evaluate the whole situation (including whether you actually still love this man enough to try something different) remind yourself you do not 'own' this person and perhaps try some different things together instead of apart.
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RogueGeek
14 years ago
Google your partner in the first place?Either you're a troll - trying to cause a ruckus in the forums, or you're a troll - trying to find dirt on your partner because you have issues.It might be a false dichotomy but really, Google??? Next time why don't you just hire the private detective and pay him the extra $$$ to set up your partner...Cheers,MS
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RHP User
14 years ago
that this line should be posted twice.. if your asking someone for their thoughts, confrontation is not the method to use.Ahh well.. there you go...Quoting 'Kinky_Lize' "I already CONFRONTED him about this"There you go right there sister, you didn't sit him down and discuss it, you confronted him about it.How do you think he is going to react, when you've already put him on the defensive?
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RHP User
13 years ago
So what?? I bet you talk to other men all the time, it's not the end of the world. You've been with him for 3 years, finally found out about a 5 year old profile, does he come home to you?? I'm with roxy, pull your head out of your arse and accept him as him or piss him off.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Oh snap! Love it!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Ask for his phone. Our phones rule our lives loves and indiscretions these days.If he gets defensive..... you have your answer.If he hands it over willingly.... maybe, its all going to be ok.DG It's the kind of mistrustful approach to doing this. It's probably a lose/lose situation. Either he's been cheating on her and she can't trust him, or he hasn't and he knows she doesn't trust him. Can't see either option being a recipe for anything other than resentment.Besides, if I was having an affair (which I can't imagine I ever would), I've seen enough TV shows and Who Weekly covers to know that you need to delete those messages, especially if you've already been confronted him over your browsing history. It's not the smoking gun it once was.
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