F47
Open relationship......how open are you?
April 13 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'll be following this thread as I now know I want my next relationship to be open. I was married for 11 years in a monogamous rship and he was the only guy I'd ever slept with. After experiencing the single world for the last 3 years, including two ventures to a swingers club by myself, I know this is the lifestyle for me. Tips and inside info from those with experience would be great. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
but remember I'm still in the very early stages of this. 1) Yes. I haven't been in the situation yet because I'm still meeting people and getting to know them. But we have talked at length about various possibilities. I hope that I can have a lover I develop feelings for long term. So we aren't one of those couples who will call if it off if feelings develop. But I understand this suits others 2) I truly believe I can. I don't think it's for everyone however. I've always felt like something was missing and I had a light bulb moment 12 months ago which led us to this journey. The easiest way I can explain it (although being a parent is a unique type of love) is when you already have one child and you have your second. You don't take some of the love you feel for the first child and give it to the second. You just love more if that makes sense? And I have feelings or love for lots of family members, girlfriends etc. But it doesn't make me love my partner any less. The only difference is I don't have sex with those people. 3) I don't target anyone in particular according to their relationship status. I look for like minded people who want the same thing. However I've spoken to some in this situation who've found that only those in an open relationship understand enough to make it work and others who only look for singles because they feel that people in an open relationship don't suit their circumstances. I'll get back to you on that one ;) 4) I have a lot to offer singles (Insert Resume here). Well those that don't want to be in a monogamous relationship. And thats the key I think. Knowing I am married and have other commitments means I'm less likely to want to be their one and only (I'm saying that because there are situations where a married person is staying married until they have a back up plan). But some singles don't want a live in full time partner. They are happy living on their own, and don't want the drama of having to deal with someone who wants the whole married, kids, picket fence situation. And finding other singles who really want the same thing is a difficult process for them. A lot of single women tell men they aren't after the one and only but as the relationship takes it course, they start to challenge that. I'm in a very different position. I can offer friendship, fucking, fun and feelings if that does happen without "needing" someone to complete me. In saying all of that I'm not on the hunt for someone I can love. I don't have expectations. I just look for someone who can be a FWB - if more develops from there then fantastic! But there's no pressure for the other person to be more to me if that makes sense?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was talking to a friend last night about relationships, dynamics, etc. and I agree with her take on this. When we are growing up, we are conditioned in everything, even if it's not explicitly explained to us, we notice our environment, and that environment is what we see as "normal." For example, I grew up with my parents always around each other, mum couldn't and wouldn't go anywhere without dad, and she's still like that....I see that as living under each other's feet personally nowadays. But I never used to. I saw that as "that's how you are in a relationship...the way it is" kinda deal. As I've grown older though I've come to realise, that I can't miss someone that is constantly there, constantly in contact with me, needing me to be there it's damn suffocating as we don't have anything to talk about at the end of the day......same with hobbies, social interests, etc.... I think there's a fair and reasonable chance that there are some couples that have that same dynamic, so I think that yes, people can love more than one person and quite successfully....obviously that's not for everyone, as I feel that maybe it's too much for some to get their head around as it tests every piece of what they perceive as the norm. I think I've answered your first three questions, but what can people offer you?? That's entirely subjective I think so that's not really anything I can answer. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
For me, an open relationship is about communication. After being in a long term relationship in which communication was fraught with difficulties, my core requirement in any relationship is honesty. As for your specific questions, for me I absolutely want feelings to develop between me and whoever I'm seeing that isn't my partner. I don't want random sex with strangers - I'm looking for people who I can have a connection with, first and foremost. Whilst that has a physical aspect, hopefully, for me it's equally about genuinely enjoying sharing ideas and conversations with someone. The idea of loving more than one person at a time is an interesting one. I know people who have loved more than one person at the same time - polyamory is the term, I believe. I don't think that it's something I could do. I do think, though, that there are different kinds of love - so, if we need to describe the complexities of an open relationship using the L word, I'm in love with my partner. He's my first priority in my relationships, and always will be. Any relationships I have outside that are hopefully with people I can develop a connection with, and grow to see them as an important part of my life in whatever form that might be for us at the time. My hope is that, yes, I will love them - more in the way I love my closest and dearest friends, rather than in the way I love him. Does that make sense? As for what I can offer a single person - I'm not after "just sex", so I can offer someone to talk to. Someone to share your thoughts and ideas with. Someone who'll listen when you need to vent about your day, or who'll celebrate with you when things are going great. Someone who is genuinely interested in who you are, and who wants to get to know you on more than a superficial level. Plus, we'll hopefully have some great sex too. :-) I think this is a fascinating thread, and I'm looking forward to reading people's responses. I've met some wonderful people who are in open relationships, and I've really enjoyed talking to them about their experiences, and how they make it work. I'm looking forward to reading some more! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
...you can be in a relationship and very deeply in love with only one person. That part of the relationship, at least to me...is closed. That said, it can also be open to sharing our friendship and sexuality with others as long as the communication remains open as well and the love between the two is strong. If not, it will all collapse in a heap. I've never experienced this kind of relationship nor would I shy away from it...knowing full well it would be quite complex, it may be the best of all.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sweetgem I would be happy to answer your questions privately if you message me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Reading forum topics you start to form a picture of different people who post. The picture I formed of you is that you are a very traditional lady with some lovely old fashioned views . I say that with the utmost respect as I think most of us have them old fashion views in some way , some more than others. Most of us are raised with values we carry into our adult life and pass on to our children. But when life doesn't go to plan and things continually goes against what we thought was normal, we start to reassess . Once this happens we begin to question where we fit. We no longer feel comfortable with momogomy or the stereo typing that comes with it, deep inside we know there's much much more to us than where we find ourselves. . For me, I'm not looking for a ongoing full loving relationship , I've been there . Besides ' it's a fact that women naturally crave love and attention far more than us males , but don't hold that against us , it's what makes us who we are. The very fact you were turned off by the guy who was honest enough to show his intentions, shows your feelings are still very much in tact with what you believe. Not a bad thing btw just another way at looking at things. Personally , I think he did the right thing by telling you his situation. You were than able to make a decision right away. Better than some married dude telling you a lie and possibly making you feel used. Bottom line is , not everyone's situation is going to be the same. Unless you were looking for something more that a sexual encounter , you did the right thing. If it was to only scratch a itch without the commitment . I wouldn't dismiss anything completely. That's what FWB and FB are for.. just to scratch that itch.
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sweetgem
10 years ago
With some insightful information so far. Thank you everyone for giving your time on this thread, much appreciated :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Thank you for your response. However, I would like to keep every piece of information given openly on this thread, so that others can be benefiting from the details as well :) Of course, you do not owe me any time and I do respect that privacy is important to you. Hence, I'll leave it as it is as respect is a big thing for me :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
For someone so new to the game, you talk like you have been around forever. Kudos xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not sure how you would describe us. So Mrs S has a toy boy that she sees every now and then. They chat on the phone, text and meet up for lunch. They have on one occasion had one on one sex, its only been once due to life getting in the way of a good time and not due to jealousy issues. We have had a few three ways and he is great company. From my perspective its all good, as its not about ownership but trust and I have enormous trust in both of them. They genuinely like each other, and I genuinely like him. Our relationship is quid pro quo.........is that open?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Great topic, and thanks for asking! People struggle to separate the difference between sex, love and romance. I have sex with people I don't love, love people I don't have sex with, and romance almost everyone I meet! When you understand the difference between love and sex, you are ready to start swinging. When you watch someone you love have an orgasm with someone else, and genuinely get a buzz out of it, welcome to the wonderful world of swinging!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mr3 here: 1) To what extend do you keep your relationship/marriage open? Meaning, do you allow emotions and feelings to grow with your lover(s) too, who aren't your committed spouse? For us this depends on the circumstances. If we have an ongoing relationship we tend to treat it more as fa riendship with benefits than romance. But I love some of my friends dearly. Mrs3 also has a fwb she cares deeply for. When we play at clubs/parties etc it is much the same as when we swing together. Simple NSA fun. 2) I know monogamy is not for everyone, and that some people do believe that they can love more than one person at the same time. Can you really do that emotionally? How has it worked out for you so far? I think its possible to love more than one person at a time but my primary relationship will always be my number one focus. I truly think its much the same as any relationship you develop with multiple fwbs, except maybe one has more focus on her than others perhaps? 3) Do you target for single people, or people who are in similar arrangement as you, for your secondary relationship? We don't target any particular age/demographic/relationship status. If we're comfortable with someone and they're comfortable with us/me then that's all we need. Shoehorning everything into little compartments is a little too constricting in my world. When you open up to the possibilities they really are endless. Your assumption that everyione in an open relationship is looking for another partner is also jumping to conclusions. I personally like to have a variety of friends to play with outside my primary relationship, and other times with my wife right alongside. I'm not really looking for another relationship besides firendship. Thats not to say we can't be very good friends and all that entails (dates, movies etc) 4) What can you offer to the single people, if single individuals were your preferred match? Good fun, good times, an ear for advice, most anything a good friend and lover can usually offer. My wife is happy for me to go to clubs or anywhere lese for that matter with friends as opposed to her, as she sometimes doesn't feel like going and would rather me go and have a good time than stay home bored. And when she wishes to go catch up with her single friends I'm happy to stay home and watch our offspring. I've found many singles aren't searching for THE ONE and are happy to just take life as it comes by. Most of the time after meeting us and seeing the dynamics at work in our relationship they don't feel awkward and are happy to play with either one or both of us depending on the situation and their circumstances. We see each other every day during the week and don't need to live in each others pockets to prove our love. We've been together 17 years now and know each others personalities enough to compliment rather than suffocate the other. We still go out together, sometimes with the same friends we sleep with outside our marriage, sometimes not. We both enjoy our time together, but also our time apart too. Its a balance and it works for us.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mrs3 must've been online without me realising and left her account logged on. The post by Mrs_3some was written by Mr3.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you guys got it right. It's about being accepting instead of looking for drama's..
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well thought out and well written 👍
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'amos444' I think you guys got it right. It's about being accepting instead of looking for drama's.. Thanks, funny thing is that it was all effortless. Its not even about brining spice into our bedroom, but more to do with general happiness....if that makes sense. This will sound sickly sweet but we are all really happy people just enjoying life. Its all very organic, nothing is forced, no conniving etc, it wasn't planned and just happened at a nice pace. The toy boy who is in our profile photo loves Mrs S company and so he should as she is a wonderful human being.
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madotara69
10 years ago
relationship has been open from day dot, I have said to Tara it would hurt me if she went off to have sex with other men, I get an ill feeling and worry, she feels the same and we have been faithful with each other by choice, I can't tell her not to, only ask with reason and with feelings, yet we have been playing together having sex with other men, women and we enjoy the times mostly, but then I don't lie to Tara, manipulate, deceive etc, never have and treated her with respects her own person, her own choices and somewhat a sheltered life from those traits, some folk have attempted persuading her, playing her and prepared to hurt her better judgement and brake our rule, we play together. If I have lived a life and a good relationship with Tara by principals, then it worries me if she were with others who don't. But our relationship is open and ongoing for whatever may be chosen ahead of us. Mado Mado Tara xx
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Katkat
10 years ago
I think it's better in the long run you just need to have boundaries from my experience. When I get with someone it's just sex nothing more just fun just to scratch that itch. I do want a connection though with that person but everything is laid out in the beginning as I like to be honest. I prefer single men not attached coz I don't like to get with someone who is already attached & most likely not in an open relationship. I am very picky when it comes to looking for the right one & will take my time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
is not as natural for humans as it has become "normal". Our open relationship is still very much committed to just each other. I could totally do a more communal family situation, where we both have other interests- both emotionally and physically. Just imagine having a more robust model for raising children, more children (we have just one- v lonely ) plus more parents, more skills to impart to children, more sharing of everything. Yep, this paleo diet has had a major impact on me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Firstly, cute pic sweetgem - love those colours and smile. As a single person, I can't add much. But I am curious about the topic, as I am rather interested in trying-for-size this type of relationship. A sort of committed non-monogamy. Though, I think it seems it would be more successful to swing as a couple, or invite a third to join,, over and above having something open where both are free to play. I'm saying that based on the apparent difficulty it seems for attached men meeting lovers. I enjoy the interaction I have with FB's and FWB's, where I hear about their lovers and dalliances, and I'm curious whether I can take that into something of more connection and emotion. So really, it is just curiosity and theoretical at the moment. Hope more people respond.
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cbdlivin
10 years ago
Hence, my genuine questions to couples who are currently in an open relationship/marriage, and people who might have walked down that path in the past, are: 1) To what extend do you keep your relationship/marriage open? Meaning, do you allow emotions and feelings to grow with your lover(s) too, who aren't your committed spouse? My marriage with my late wife was an open relationship, but we were careful in our additional play. Good friendship was always important to us with the additional people but we did not stray into close emotional feelings as that would cause issues. 2) I know monogamy is not for everyone, and that some people do believe that they can love more than one person at the same time. Can you really do that emotionally? How has it worked out for you so far? It worked well and provided some nice dynamics to our relationship. 3) Do you target for single people, or people who are in similar arrangement as you, for your secondary relationship? We never targeted specific people just let things happen, so we had a mixture of single and couples. 4) What can you offer to the single people, if single individuals were your preferred match? I am not sure it is what can be offered, but of course a good friendship does not hurt. In particular we had one particular partner who liked the friendship, the family outings with both our families, and of course the sexual side which suited them as they wanted a good sexual relationship without the full complications of a relationship as that did not fit there life at the time.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi just hanging at the moment would be up for some fun
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sweetgem
10 years ago
For many awesome responses given on this thread, thank you xx and my apologies for the slow reply back as my home situation is becoming more challenging. Hence, my time is indeed unpredictable nowadays. I must say, being on RHP is one of the right choices I have made in life, especially for taking part in the Forums! I have learned so much about different types of relationship in the last three years that I've been on here than my entire adult life! From this journey, I have grown out of my conservative mind and this gain has also changed some of my perspectives about people and things in the real life, for good. I don't think I can do open relationship ever, but I would give it a go for being the lover outside someone's primary relationship, if opportunity arises, for short term. Especially in time like now when my primary focus and commitment is to give my only parent the best care as much as I can as I cannot foresee how much longer my parent would live. And with this commitment, I cannot commit to find love and have a serious relationship because, my parent will alway be my first priority no matter what, and it is unfair to any man to put up with this, I believe! Therefore, finding a FWB would suit my current situation better :) having said that, I don't mean a FWB who isn't interested in chatting to me when he's not horny, or he cannot be my friend like the way PatchWorkGirl has described. I want a mutual connection as well as a genuine friendship :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Thank you for your compliment on my profil pic :) I like this photo too as it shows the obvious changes in my face after my recent success in fitness/weight loss 😛 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
The only thing I will add is jealousy and insecurity havestuffed many couples trying this lifestyle.Normal human emotions but if you have them don't even attemptto get into swinging or an open relationship as at swingersparties I have seen couples explode. Quoting 'unicorn99' Great topic, and thanks for asking! People struggle to separate the difference between sex, love and romance. I have sex with people I don't love, love people I don't have sex with, and romance almost everyone I meet! When you understand the difference between love and sex, you are ready to start swinging. When you watch someone you love have an orgasm with someone else, and genuinely get a buzz out of it, welcome to the wonderful world of swinging!
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