F59
Partnerships?
January 20 2019
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
I thought you were talking about business arrangements.
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Rlee552
7 years ago
... and hope that there is a person out there for you that wants the same thing and that you have that deep intense connection with, while still keeping your independence. It sounds like a monogamous friends with benefits with a side dish of dating. We all tend to pick up baggage and complexity as we go along. I do see some couples like that, except they also have the complexity of family which you don’t want; and from what I can tell they did not meet through this site (could be wrong). It all depends on how good the both of you can compartmentalise certain parts of your life. And how comfortable perhaps you both would be in the other not sharing certain parts of their life with you in the long term. I know if I was in such a relationship that at a certain point I would want more. That’s not to say there is not that person out there for you. So, again, best of luck!
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RHP User
7 years ago
That’s not a partnership in my eyes, that’s two people leading completely separate lives other than the fact that they talk and fuck occasionally, that to me is friends with benefits. Unfortunately not many people are happy with that for very long unless they already have another partner, then it’d probably suit them perfectly but not you. My...I don’t know what he is right now but I’m gonna say partner for the sake of the conversation...and I are currently trying to navigate through this very scenario and can I just say it FUCKEN SUCKS!! There’s no doubt there that we’re into each other in a big way but we show it differently and have very different ideas of what actually constitutes a relationship...he’s aloof as fuck and rarely seems to give a shit what I’m up to and I’m like an annoying cat who always just wants to curl up in his lap & purr at him lovingly, we’re at totally different ends of the scale!! 😂😂 I believe if anyone can make it work we can but to be honest I don’t think either of us are very confident about that right now....so as usual my only advice is that you’re going to have to figure it out or yourself, you just have to keep plugging away (*mind wonders off momentarily*), understand that your idea of a relationship might be very different to those you seek to spend time with and be willing to do the work you need to do if you want to come to some sort of an agreement that’s going to suit you both. No relationship is ever going to be as easy going and hassle feee as you want it to be, you want it you’ve gotta work for it.
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
You've just described my definition of a FWB/Lover.
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
You can have that (if you want), as long as there is open honest (face to face) communication. It also depends on the behaviour towards each other. There has to be mutual respect. Putting labels, expectations and pressure on each other do not define a relationship. Relationships can be easy with the right person/people. Sex alone does not define a relationship in my eyes. I look for people who enhance my mind, body and soul. All three need to be connected for any relationship. I need that and it is what I want and desire. Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
As for "trust", it is earned not freely handed out. It takes time to build that reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, actions, etc with a person. Especially if one was to go bareback. That's something I take seriously. No "All clear" STD tests (all parties), will make me change my mind. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
7 years ago
OP, isn't what you're describing and an FWB the same thing? I get a bit confused with all the nomenclature these days. As to your question, I thought I had a ''partner'' or FWB after a recent dalliance, that was our agreement on the night, and it was to be like you described (i.e. catch up when you can to spend quality time together and have great sex) but I have been bombarded with texts and photos (clean ones) since with requests for when we can see each other again. We live over 300kms apart, so it's not easy - plus I kind of feel like she has overstepped the mark - that we both drew for each other - already. Turns out partners/FWBs aren't so simple.
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Rlee552
7 years ago
the OP appears to be describing a monogamous and exclusive relationship, whereas I always took a FWB as allowing you to have benefits with others?
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atomicblonde
7 years ago
I had this with my previous lover. We had intense physical, sexual and mental connection from the first moment we met. Things started off quite casually but he was very attentive and persistent as I was coming out of a complicated break up. Once things settled down we saw each other regularly and it just got more intense over time. We didn’t live together but I stayed over often, we didn’t get much sleep though. We did things like dinners, beach trips and even clubbing together or sometimes just mundane things like grocery shopping and cooking together. We were in love with each other but after both being in long controlling relationships that didn’t work out we weren’t ready to be in a fully committed one at the time. Although both of us talked about things going that way in the future. We explored a few things together that both of us had wanted to. And we both admitted we had the best sex of our lives with each other. I would love to find a similar scenario again one day. It was one of the best times of my life
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yes FWB is exactly what you have described. Sex, dinner and the occasional weekend away. That's what I would think anyway. I'm also happy being single but would like some kind of relationship. I like having my own space and can't even imagine living with anyone for a long time yet. But I want someone to be into me and me them enough to want to spend quality time together but also for us to do our own thing.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Rapunzel82 It seems to me that you care a lot more about this guy than he does you. You are giving a lot emotionally but not receiving much back. Let me guess, when you are not together, he rarely texts, right? You feel like you have to chase him (unless he wants a booty call?) This leaves you feeling like a demanding teenager, maybe? Tell me if I'm wrong, just speaking from experience.
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RHP User
7 years ago
HappyGoLucky, I don’t see it that way, we just show our love in different ways. Of course you could be right and I could just be really naive but I don’t think that’s the case, we knew from the start we were very different people but decided to give it a go anyway....it was a joint discussion and a joint decision so I have no reason to believe that he likes me any less than I like him. That was my logical brain speaking. My ego has been bound and gagged for the sake of this thread 😂
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'atomicblonde' I had this with my previous lover. We had intense physical, sexual and mental connection from the first moment we met. Things started off quite casually but he was very attentive and persistent as I was coming out of a complicated break up. Once things settled down we saw each other regularly and it just got more intense over time. We didn’t live together but I stayed over often, we didn’t get much sleep though. We did things like dinners, beach trips and even clubbing together or sometimes just mundane things like grocery shopping and cooking together. We were in love with each other but after both being in long controlling relationships that didn’t work out we weren’t ready to be in a fully committed one at the time. Although both of us talked about things going that way in the future. We explored a few things together that both of us had wanted to. And we both admitted we had the best sex of our lives with each other. I would love to find a similar scenario again one day. It was one of the best times of my life It sounds like you were only 2 steps away from having a full-blown relationship. What happened?
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RHP User
7 years ago
To add to the others, you described my last long-term FWB relationship perfectly. It lasted over two years, and ended when he moved overseas.We worked well the way you described, but wouldn't have in a relationship. Beside not wanting to be in one, we were far too different. He has since moved back (two years later), and we have chosen to be platonic friends. We are even more different now. I wouldn't mind another partnership like that.
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egr2please69
7 years ago
Rapunzal82 i'm pretty sure i know who the man in the gun is and from the conversations i have with him i agree with you. He's pretty happy with what the two of you are building and it definitely makes him smile. As for the topic, of course a relationship style fwb is possible. Its how you approach it that decides how good or bad its going to be. Mine have been based on honesty and transparency. We live our own lives but when we get together the affection and care is genuine and real. We have always taken the time to develop the actual friendship by calling and talking about our days like normal friends do, the benefits part is like a bonus plan. If one party wanted out then the respect for them is still there and the friendship becomes platonic and we move forward. Done it before and will do it again. Goodness, i've even met parents to appease their curiosity that their daughter was safe and being treated right for the sake of appearances. We knew where we stood with each other but it satisfied mum and dad's concerns. All it has proven to me is that as others have said, its all about your approach and attitude as to what you want and how it plays out. Just need to find the right person/people and i'm proud, and extremely lucky, to say i have 😊
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atomicblonde
7 years ago
Okeydoke45 Unfortunately he passed away suddenly and it has left me heartbroken ever since. I’ve almost given up any hope of having a connection that strong with anyone ever again. At least I have amazing memories of the time we spent together though
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
You are right. I'm pretty sure a lot of people are aware besides yourself. It is not that difficult to work out considering, personal matters have been posted a lot of late (across the various forums topics) which have made it public knowledge. Ms Foxy x
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'atomicblonde' Okeydoke45 Unfortunately he passed away suddenly and it has left me heartbroken ever since. I’ve almost given up any hope of having a connection that strong with anyone ever again. At least I have amazing memories of the time we spent together though Oh bugger.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Personally I think Rapunzel was merely drawing to the fore the wading through of issues surrounding partnerships/relationships alike, but it was lost in translation a bit as it appeared as though she’s not at all happy... That said....I’m the first to concede I don’t talk very well about emotional shit unless it’s someone else’s....to me they are merely the rope in which people are hung....I admire those that can but I rely on my actions more than my words as words are often superficial in their presentation....
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RHP User
7 years ago
Firstly, I’ve had a few relationships, please don’t assume I’m always talking about the current one when reading my comments. In this case obviously I was, I’m ok with people knowing that and I appreciate hearing other people’s thoughts on the matter. I don’t actually make a lot of personal comments about my current relationship but if the ones that I do make bother anyone feel free to talk to me directly about it or just scroll on by 😊...I wasn’t even aware anyone was paying that much attention to what I say or who I say it to, but I’ll bear that in mind in future.
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countrytouch82
7 years ago
"Trust and lust" sound more like a FB, except you are exclusive if you are talking about playing naturally. There's no reason why an FB or FWB cannot be exclusive. Sometimes it is exclusive by default: after all how hard is it to find one willing and suitable partner let alone more than one (for any period of time)? While you both have only each other and you trust each other, committment or not, why not? But I don't see FWB as having any "pressure". The point of being FWB as opposed to a regular relationship is exactly that, socialising, connecting, trust, sex and exploration together without the intention of further committments and unnecessary involvement with other family etc. It is people saying they only want FWB when they want to move to a full on relationship, or people saying they want a FWB when they just want occasional FB sex, that has skewed the understanding by many of what an actual FWB is and what it is not. If there is pressure somehow in a FWB situation, chances are it is not really what one person wants. So your best advice to understand more about what the other person wishes and vice versa, and know what they understand about different types of relationship, and whether that matches your own understanding or definitions.
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
Op A friend of mine had a relationship like this for about 10 years . They ended up getting married and live together now, but it worked great for them when they both had younger children and busy careers and social lives. They are one of the happiest couples I know. Once their respective kids moved out of home they decided to spend more time together. So it is possible . It also sounds good to me. If I met someone I was really into that would be a perfect arrangement.
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RHP User
7 years ago
They just couldn't live together! I could see it working for introverts who don't want to be around anyone all the time too. Me, I love the company as we both do our own thing, have the occasional huge fight, laugh and... carry on. Peachy
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egr2please69
7 years ago
Thank-you Shells for your kind words. Egr xx
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