Polyamory

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  boxestotick

  7 years ago

  Thoughts - it could work for the right people in the right situation. Not for everybody though. Advice - none from experience but go with the flow and lots of conversations about boundaries, expectations etc. Experiences - nope! Nothing. Offers - what’s your ideal situation? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  First thing to know is whether or not this is something you really want. And if it is what the other people involved really want it too. There is a lot of conflicting information and thought out in the community where most people do one or the other (swinging or poly) and can see what they don’t involve themselves in as ‘not good’. There are a couple of podcasts out there that you should listen to first to get a clearer idea of what you may be in for. And they give a lot of really good advice on how to step your toes in. One of the biggest things you’ll come up against is definitely jealousy. It’s how you can manage that jealousy that will really decide whether poly is for you or not. Time spent with and away from you partner is always the breaking point for most new relationships and being the person entering an existing relationship, you will be the one having to be mindful of that. Limerance is a wonderful thing but it can tend to take a form of its own to the exclusion of the existing partner. The Ginger and I actually do both - we swing together and date others looking for a significant connection to grow and foster. Poly relationships, in my experience (the Lady) are a more vulnerable place to be because you have to consider the feelings of everyone involved not just the person you are seeing. Once deeper feelings develop the relationship(s) get more complex but definitely are worth it. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Considering the potential for broken hearts, it is probably best entered into very carefully and with a partner that is totally on board with it. I remember watching an episode of Insight on SBS that dealt with this a couple of years ago, there were of course the couples that had quite the successful polyamorous relationships, and then there were others who were just destined for a very rocky end. One couple in particular stood out; the woman wanted non-monogamy, the man not so much but he loved her and was prepared to give her what she wanted. It was obvious by how emotional the both of them got talking about it that it was only a matter of time. I'm interested to hear from polyamorous couples how they managed to meet, was it just blind luck? I would imagine that for most people, letting a new partner know early on that you wanted to have a non-monogamous relationship would be met with, um, unrest.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  We learnt a lot from chatting with other poly people via Facebook polyamory pages. Just look for them in your area or even join the international pages. It's not a picnic, but worthwhile when it works. We've gravitated to a more fwb approach with real friendships rather than...just swinging (which we dont rule out), and more involved relationships (which are difficult to sustain). - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  The closest we came to something similar is a “ monogamous “ swinging relationship with just one couple., that has so far lasted nearly a year. It was not so much agreed upon to not play with others, just happened that way. That being said, I do not think that I would be capable of feeling romantic love for anyone else, but my partner. There is many shades of love, that involves intimacy, care, trust ,compassion and love towards another...that is what we all feel for each other, I believe. But as for actually “ being in love” with more than one person...I don’t think I could be emotionally capable of that myself. For us it has been a journey not without bumps on the road... It can be confusing, challenging and definitely not for the faint hearted... But as long as it is based on mutual care and respect for all involved...it is certainly an experience that can be beautiful. Guess one never knows their own limits until they got tested ☝️

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  patch4733

  7 years ago

  I know someone who had a wonderful relationship with a couple for 3 years. We have discussed it at length and here is the experience:First - The couple make the selection. Jealousy should not be a issue as in general the couples who want a third party are very open and honest and secure. If you want to try it do so with a open mind and enjoy the experience. If it works it will be memorable or otherwise consider it as part of your journey.

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  curiousgirl35

  7 years ago

  Ive been really wanting hubby to find a woman and basically have an affair but with my knowledge of everything. msg, pics,flirt then eventually home to make love to her and i get to see it all,the sexual tension,the first kiss,the way they look at each other and touch each other....am i weird? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  MsSuperFoxy

  7 years ago

  Curious, (affair like) Kinda deceitful to the other woman, don't ya think? Ms Foxy

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships Book by Tristan Taormino - Posted from rhpmobile

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  usrightnow_Again

  7 years ago

  Mr. & Mrs. urn. . These days, we identify as poly, although we are not currently in a poly relationship. We began discussing polyamory, for us, in 2014. After watching a documentary on the ABC in January of 2016, we joined rhp. Over the last three years it's become clearer to us what we are open to, and not open to. For us, at some point, the ideal would be a triad. That would be, in our case, an equal relationship with a woman, where all of us were romantically, emotionally and sexually involved with eachother. A relationship of equal love, respect, responsibility, importance, input and weight. Although we have been together for very nearly thirty years, our relationship would not be more important than the new triad. We believe, just as we love each of our children equally, that some people are able to form and have equal loving relationships of more than just one other person. As patch4733 pointed out, you really need to be in a Very stable relationship for this kind of thing. .. Polyamory does have different configurations, there's no, one size fits all. However, our belief is of the more traditional poly sense, in that there is a loving, romantic attachment to such a relationship, not just a fuck-buddy, and for us, these days, not really a fwb relationship either. Very often the fwb is far more a fb, not that there's anything wrong with that, each to their own. That it would be one of equality, respect, love. .. We have been meaning to write a comment for some time about this and was going to in either of the two poly threads that pre-date this one and are under the poly sub-heading, however we didn't get around to it. It was one of the things that frustrated us about the Same Sex Marriage debate in the lead up to the change of legislation. It astounded us, that even in the twenty-first century, Australian society is incapable of have a mature discussion on marriage and other unions, that include more than two people. Even the LGBTI community wouldn't enter that discussion, which seems interesting, given the third letter of that acronym, B, stands for bisexual. It would seem perfectly reasonable to us that a person who identifies as bisexual might wish for a partnership with a person of each sex, or even with someone who might identify as trans or intersex I guess. Mrs. urn. identifies as bi, why shouldn't she be able to have a legally equal partnership with me and a woman, for instance. However, the issue is so often conflated with the most ridiculous hysteria and outrageous of unrelated fears. Besides Julia Gillard, who was Very conservative anyway, we have had a string of prime ministers very much tied to their religious faiths and fearful of a vocal minority, as well as a very conservative large middle ground of Australians, voting them out, should the antiquated idea that all relationships must be between just two people be challenged. What an unfortunate world we leave our children hey. .. Polyamory is Not for everyone, it will, as with any relationship, have associated challenges. And it should be noted that even the held in high esteem, one on one relationship, has an enormous failure rate. Relationships of any kind are difficult and require constant attention. This can be a friendship, a romantic and or sexual love, a family relationship, they All have challenges. All may fail, and you know what, that's fine, it happens. Some relationships may seem like a bad idea by some bystanders, was certainly true of those around us three decades ago, yet , thirty odd years later, here we still are. We hope we do get to share our lives with a significant other and we share in their life, one day. It would be nice too, if we weren't made to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by such a relationship, that it might be seen as perfectly normal, and all three of us be seen as legally equal too. .. This is off the top of my head and from our discussion last night about posting a comment on this thread, so we might add to it at some point if another aspect we forgot to mention pops back into our heads. Thanks for reading, as always. .. Mr. & Mrs. urn. .

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  usrightnow_Again

  7 years ago

  Forgot to get rid of the top Mr. & Mrs. urn. . Bother, oh well.

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  Sassinak72

  7 years ago

  The Ethical Slut and More than Two. Both well worth the read...strong focus on amongst other important things... caring,communication, consideration and equality.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I identify as polyamorous, however in most relationships I have done monogamy quite easily. I’ve never cheated. Yet I understand it’s our nature to do so. There’s a very fine line and very few people who it can work with. I had an open polyamorous relationship for 3 years in the past. My longest and most meaningful. Several others since. I’m afraid of commitment so polygamy works for me. However I trust myself to understand that I have the EQ and maturity to appreciate and love on several lovers at once. Those I’m with understand that I’m honest and genuine in my feelings and actions and words towards them and whilst with them. I am not a player as my intention is genuine and respectful. I’m fortunate to have long term FWBs and lovers at once without jealousy and drama 🎭 Some spanning over a year now. Unfortunately, yes I’ll sound hypocritical here, (so hold off on butthurt judgy comments) many others, particularly men, find this arrangement or relationship difficult to maintain or balance. Most men are not in touch with themselves emotionally nor have the EQ to balance several relationships at once, let alone one. Therefore it’s very difficult to understand why and how. I liken the relationship to my children for example: each child of mine is loved and appreciated and cared for as much as their siblings. All have different personalities and my one on one relationship with each is unique to them only. Do I care for them less? - no Do I have a favourite? - no Would they ever feel used or undervalued? - no Unfortunately after hundreds of years of social conditioning, this subject is seen as greedy or seedy or sexual only. But at the end of the day, like friendship, each person brings something different to the table. Until I’m fortunate to find one man who inspires me to be my one and only... I’ll remain ethically polyamorous Thankyou 💖 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  curiousgirl35

  7 years ago

  Well, i was hoping itd be through rhp with mutual understanding,no different to us asking for a 3rd. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  MsSuperFoxy

  7 years ago

  It wouldn't really be an "Affair" as such then if you do about it. Ms Foxy

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Lionsdoll ... I'm standing up .. agreeing wholeheartedly & applauding 👏 👏

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I few years ago I had a girlfriend and husband. I was kinda pushed into the girlfriend thing and all of a sudden I was in 2 relationships. I wasn't ready for what went with that. It was ok when the 3 of us were hanging out together but splitting my time so I could spend alone time with them was difficult. That and working and children it became a difficult situation. So advice is make sure it's something you actually want to do and know what your getting yourself into. Don't just do into it thinking it's all roses and sex it's hard work like with any relationship. I personally wouldn't do it again. FWB yes but not a fully invested relationship MrB - Posted from rhpmobile

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  Starburst106

  7 years ago

  Quoting 'Red_liquorice' We learnt a lot from chatting with other poly people via Facebook polyamory pages. Just look for them in your area or even join the international pages. It's not a picnic, but worthwhile when it works. We've gravitated to a more fwb approach with real friendships rather than...just swinging (which we dont rule out), and more involved relationships (which are difficult to sustain). - Posted from rhpmobile Agree with this, find local people and chat with them. We have a local group that has a month meet/munch (for you kinky folk) that is for poly folk, whether you're in a relationship or not. Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, open relationships or monogamy are all options. You can well go through all of them as you progress down your relationship journey. The best journeys are the ones that are respectful, built on trust and open communication. We don't think it is a case of make sure of what you want at all. Relationships aren't black and white. It what works for you and your partner/s. Engage them. Communicate to them. Be open to them. Best of all, allow them to develop rather than constrain them. All relationship styles can be impacted by unwanted or uncontrolled emotions. Jealous is the big one everyone will go on about. Yes, some folk can get jealous with Poly relationships. Seeing your partner spending time wither another or even others. But what are you jealous about? The fact that they get and you don't? That can well be FOMO - fear of missing out. The only way you're going to know is to experience. The important part is how you react: do you get angry and demand or do you open up and communicate rationally? Relationships, like life, are nuanced. It really does come back to how you choose to respond. Again, go out and engage your local community. Either on fb or on Fet. We are happy being swollies...it works for us!

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