F53
Re-inventing Yourself
May 03 2019
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
Seachange we are kindred spirits. I've been flying solo since 2003. So a long time, just like you. I imagine I will always be single too. I have raised 2 on my own since 2003. They are adults and doing well in their own lives now. My proudest achievement. I never had boyfriends. I have friends but life has seen me also being isolated at times. I was always the mum that picked the kids up from their parties and other kids too. I don't really consume alcohol so it made sense I was there for them. It wasn't easy, I saw some shit and had to deal with it too, but I'm glad I was that mum and adult to the youngins. I put myself through uni. I have a successful career. Now, in 6 months I am taking myself overseas for a 12 month working and touring holiday to in another country. I cannot wait. I am content on my own. I don't think there will be a time that I can imagine allowing my guard down enough that would facilitate anyone being let in. I like this time of my life right now. Kids grown, successfully making their own way and no grandchildren yet. I can do what I like, when I like, with whom I like, how I like. I have a window for really prioritising my desires and goals and aspirations and it's exciting. I hope life is turning out nicely for you too Seachange.
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SSExplorer
7 years ago
I am always in awe (and a little jealous) of people who (seemingly and one never knows) start at point A and build a straight and successful path to point Z. For me it’s been more like A to G to C to F to X to C....you get the picture. At times I see where I’ve come from and am so very proud of my achievements then other times I feel ashamed at how inefficient I’ve been and wonder how far I may have reached without all the unnecessary detours. Over all I am thankful for the privilege my life has afforded me and part of this is the chance to reinvent myself. We never stop, when I was in my 20’s I thought success was having all my Shit together by 40. Now I’m well past there I see so many new challenges ahead that I realise I won’t stop learning and evolving till the day I expire.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Necessity is the mother of reinvention. Who I am now is not who I was even twenty years ago.I am a complete opportunist and have marched to the beat of my own drum.I have had a rich and interesting life mainly because since my early thirties I have been single and a single parent. But although outwardly there have been many changes my core beliefs haven't changed,I am still the fourteen year old who argued with her father about the White Australia Policy..he was a racist and a bigot. I am still passionate about social justice issues that will never change. Good topic OP Hugs Q x
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RHP User
7 years ago
I've reinvented myself at least twice, moving to Australia was part of a major reinvention, possibly life saving. Another was through economic necessity. Maybe with the benefit of hindsight we can see the bump in the road before the fork in the road.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Thank you for sharing. Kindred spirits indeed. Being a single parent, raising kids on your own and scraping by to survive and thrive is definitely a life changing experience. At times I wss in the throes of depression of figuring out if I'm was going to make it out alive. Only by thinking that others depended their lives on me and that I had a higher purpose did I shake myself out of self pity and just plodded along. But those were extremely tough moments of isolation and required every ounce of my energy and spirit to get through the day and week. Looking back, those same scars also toughened me up now and grateful for those challenges. It's amazing to hear other people's stories of how they reinvented themselves to survive. People are very resourceful.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Same here. Definitely in awe of very focused individuals who managed things in a straight line. But that is an exception as we don't work in a vacuum. I zigzag through life too, making lots of mistakes and misjudgments, just because life throws a spanner in the works. Things happening to my kids or my health issues, required me to slow down and put some things on hold. Then press restart button again. The more I see this things happening and I have overcome them, I better I am at conquering my fear of the unknown. But sometimes I Neerim repeat the same mistakes to teach myself a lesson. That always hurt.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
"Maybe with the benefit of hindsight we can see the bump in the road before the fork in the road." Well said. Wise words. But I'm sure I'll make the same mistakes again until my brain processes them. Lol
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Thank you for your contribution. As eloquent as usual.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
I wish you well in your next endeavour. Sounds exciting and inspiring.
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countrytouch82
7 years ago
A funny man once said: I've recently turned over a new leaf. And found the same shite that was under the last leaf. :P
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Seachange73
7 years ago
I've been thinking of your Post. I have witnessed many people who have moved cities, states and countries reinventing themselves. Like an opportunity to start again with the ability to start afresh. Leaving baggage of the past behind As a child of migrants, I find people who try to make a better life for themselves and their families a most admiral move.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'd like a dollar for every time I've said that I would be dead, disabled, or in gaol if I'd stayed in NZ.There's also a small chance I could have been a lot richer too, I can clearly see I'm happier and healthier than I would've been by staying in NZ.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Sliding doors.
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
My change only came three years ago but it totally turned my life upside down without warning. I became a single parent and really the sole support for my two kids. I have changed jobs twice since then including a change in career and study. It changed my way of thinking dramatically. I'm very very different now. Going through hard stuff has been very beneficial for me. Actually a blessing. I know I couldn't have become who I am now without it happening. I couldn't have done the job I do now as well without that experience. It's taken a lot of mental work and spiritual work and learning about myself. I haven't had a partner in this time because I think it was important to work on me and figure out who I am as a single person. It's not a need in my life really, I like being alone. I still have some challenging stuff to go through but my headspace is positive and I have heaps of great friends, family and two amazing kids. I had no idea I could be so resilient. I now have a very pragmatic view to change that even if something seems bad at the time it has the possibility to become your greatest learning tool and push you to become more. I seem to be very lucky and fall on my feet and I'm looking forward to see what the future brings. Life is a work in progress. Also I am going on my first overseas trip as a single person without the kids soon. Off to Nepal :) Interesting topic Seachange.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Awesome post. I definitely can relate as a single parent raising two boys. You are brave and strong. My young men can truly appreciate my personal sacrifices and are more appreciative of what they have and me. I'm sure you are setting a great model for your children. Wishing you safe travels.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'SSExplorer' I am always in awe (and a little jealous) of people who (seemingly and one never knows) start at point A and build a straight and successful path to point Z. For me it’s been more like A to G to C to F to X to C....you get the picture. At times I see where I’ve come from and am so very proud of my achievements then other times I feel ashamed at how inefficient I’ve been and wonder how far I may have reached without all the unnecessary detours. Over all I am thankful for the privilege my life has afforded me and part of this is the chance to reinvent myself. We never stop, when I was in my 20’s I thought success was having all my Shit together by 40. Now I’m well past there I see so many new challenges ahead that I realise I won’t stop learning and evolving till the day I expire. SS, like you I took a lot of paths in my ''journey'' (god how I hate that term but it is most apt here), and yes it meant I arrived at ''landmark'' life events later than anyone else I knew. I was aware of this as I grew older and it did bother me a bit. As really bad tattoos say though, ''no regerts'' (sic) - the detours I took were mostly fun, I learnt something from most of them and I think I am (just a smidge) wiser than others my age that took the more ''classic'' route in life. Went to a funeral recently and caught up with a lot of people that I have known over the years. One of them was and old workmate who was ''star'' material from the get-go. He really did go stratospheric in his achievements, both at work and personally, in a very short space of time. He ticked all the boxes in lightning succession - successful career, owned his own successful business, married a beautiful woman, bought a lavish house, had some cute-as-a-button kids. He was more than a bit smug about it too, which would shit me no end. Come the funeral, he was down-to-earth, approachable and affable. The reason? His business, whilst very successful, was a huge drain on him mentally and physically (he looked a decade older than me despite being a couple of years younger) so he had sold it and now worked a regular job as a regular worker. His wife had left him and he was now sorting through all the financial and custodial stuff. So, in short - he was about where we all were, at about the same time. The only difference being I had travelled and seen lots of Australia and a bit of the world, whereas he had dedicated himself to being successful and had seen basically nothing. We got on famously that night, it was nice to see him as a normal person for a change. Fuck I love funerals.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I have been re-inventing myself for the past couple of years, but very much in a retro fashion. I am reading books again, listening to music again, watching movies again. My marriage had stripped all those pleasures away from me.
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countrytouch82
7 years ago
Sometimes it's about viewing the world differently. Recently returning from overseas making a good connection with locals from small villages who exist mainly as subsistence living only. The idea is still entertained about flying my trekking porter back here for a holiday (something that I know people have done before). Even in the first few hours back was thinking about how I would explain our supposedly and comparatively luxurious lifestyles with things quite foreign to them, including basic things like town power (not via generator etc). This from literally our closest neighbour to Australia. Yet simple living also has it's advantages and they still seem quite happy and less stressed, perhaps they simply do cannot miss or crave what they don't have or know much of.
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MsJonesy
7 years ago
I had a major fallout with the director of the company I was working for. It became messy with the lawyers making more money out of it than I did, but at least the bastard didn't get the final say, nor keep his illegal practices in place. It brought about a realisation that I was done with the commercial/business world and working myself into the ground to make profits for others. So I went back to Uni and did post grad studies in an entirely different field, left my long term relationship, buried a parent, and set up a new life. I don't regret any of my choices. My new field of work is incredibly intense (working myself into the ground... again) but I see positive results for the people I work with on a daily basis; restoring courage and self esteem is so much more rewarding than making bucks for others to squander. Its time for a change again; not sure what will happen next, nor where the new road will take me, but I am ready for a new journey.
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's been a very interesting thread. I have enjoyed the perspective of others and how circumstances affect outlook on life, resiliency and desires.
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kisslids
7 years ago
Great topic I have changed my circumstances twice, and both times enjoyed the excitement of each new day. The most important thing I’ve found is that your real friends stick by you and will even give you a push or advice when your not sure. There will always be regrets , but that’s how I’ve learnt to do things differently.
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
Quoting 'kisslids' Great topic I have changed my circumstances twice, and both times enjoyed the excitement of each new day. The most important thing I’ve found is that your real friends stick by you and will even give you a push or advice when your not sure. There will always be regrets , but that’s how I’ve learnt to do things differently. Your comment on friends kisslids made me think of this. Often your friends do stick beside you but have others found as you change you can sometimes tend to outgrow or lose some friendships as well? Not all of them, but I do spend much less time with many of my friends now. I still love and care for them but we just have very different perspectives on life. We don't have as much common ground anymore. We live in quite a conservative area and it feels like when shit went down my mind got blown open. Once it gets open, I have wanted to spend time with others on a similar wavelength.I guess one of the things I have noticed is that they get caught up on what I consider little things? I understand why they do it. But I still find it taxing to discuss and dissect it. I don't know? Is that arrogant? I will always be there for them we are just different now. Ugh, do I sound like a selfish bitch ? Sometimes I feel like that. That I should be more patient. More thoughtful. etc etc. I try not to judge where people are at but it doesn't mean I always want to be around it? If they went through something like I had been through I would be there for them in a heartbeat. Its just the inane everyday stuff I find draining? Sorry Seachange if this is a bit off topic but it feels kind of relevant? I just wondered if others have experienced it?
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RHP User
7 years ago
@ EarthQueen It sounds more like your spiritual awakening is occurring. Your soul is trying to talk tyo you. So just tune into it. I have found small talk drains me. I am happy to participate but I don't seek it out intentionally. Often I need 'paracetamol and a lie down' when I've been overwhelmed with too much of it.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
In response to friendships, that made me think. I find that friendships can have use by dates as well. I have ended some relationships and friendships here and in the outside world. Sometimes deliberately ended them or let it die off by naturally. Let it run it's course. I hold no grudges. Some friendships I let go as I have found to have a one way flow. I felt used when I have dropped everything for them in their times of need but the favour not reciprocated. Those deciding moments clarify their characters and loyalty. Every friendship that has ended is a lesson in itself for me and I reflect. Each demise transforms me, sometimes not good but mostly enlightening. Each a defining moment. In the end, I thank them for showing me a bit more about myself.
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Quoting 'Seachange' In response to friendships, that made me think. I find that friendships can have use by dates as well. I have ended some relationships and friendships here and in the outside world. Sometimes deliberately ended them or let it die off by naturally. Let it run it's course. I hold no grudges. Some friendships I let go as I have found to have a one way flow. I felt used when I have dropped everything for them in their times of need but the favour not reciprocated. Those deciding moments clarify their characters and loyalty. Every friendship that has ended is a lesson in itself for me and I reflect. Each demise transforms me, sometimes not good but mostly enlightening. Each a defining moment. In the end, I thank them for showing me a bit more about myself. In the time l have known you OP, l have yet to see you experience such a time that you need counselling. Could it be that you hold your heart close to your chest that no one see it needing help? Maybe your friends of which you speak, have their heart on their sleeve and have trouble hiding such times. I for one is such a person as you know. I'm also a person that doesn't require immediate reciprocity in friendships. I know my friends are there if l need them and happy to help out if l know they need it. One must realise that not everyone Reads minds. A person in touch with their feelings know when to raise their hand to those close to them for a bit of support. Perhaps your friends of which you speak thought they had a close friendship when in fact it was just a friendship?Anyway, I'm sure they know now
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usrightnow_Again
7 years ago
I've encountered more challenges, more changes, more potentially pivotal moments, than you can poke a stick at. I've created jobs out of thin air and quickly led my field. I've lost friends, all of them, come to think of it, and family too. Many choices have been lost forever. Many opportunities, many dreams, many hopes, gone similarly. The one constant throughout my fifty-one years, is me. Some of those lost relationships, some of those lost opportunities, were a direct result of me, being me. I've never and will never, see a need to reinvent myself. Is that arrogant? Yeah, at times, Absofuckinglutely. Do I care if someone thinks that? No. I see No reason to reinvent myself. Will I continue to tackle new challenges from time to time? Of course I will. I have cut my own road, I've remained true to me, as it is, after all, my life. Yes, seachange, I'm one of those people who sacrificed a lot for the children, a career even. As you say, when you have children, you accept there will be some cost. The balance is, however, positive. Thankfully I've had the delightful Mrs urn. by my side for thirty years. I guess my point is, at least for me, regardless of the situation, regardless of change, I remained me. Those who have known me would certainly agree. As I said though, it is that, that has pissed them off. It took a while to realise I shouldn't have to apologise for being me. Interesting topic. We hope you are well. .. Mr. urn. .
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
There's been sexual reinvention as well he he. GetMePlease yes a spiritual journey of sorts that has correlated with the sexual one. I guess when one part of you changes radically others are sure to follow? I notice it in a lot of the women that have been on here a few years like me. It's interesting to watch small snippets of peoples journeys online. Although I don't love quite a few things about getting older I am enjoying this headspace I'm in. It's probably one of the best of my life. SeaChange I have always enjoyed your contributions to the forum and your topics. This sentence resonates with me as well "Each demise transforms me, sometimes not good but mostly enlightening. Each a defining moment. In the end, I thank them for showing me a bit more about myself."
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RHP User
7 years ago
I have reinvented myself many times and yet I tried to stay true to myself. Some people are constant in my life but as Quenta has said - necessity is the mother of all change. I have been prosperous in many ways (loving parents and family, carefree childhood, friends and excellent education) and yet experienced events many people only read about.When we travel, not as mere tourists, but as human beings curious about the world we live in and willing to share, we always learn. Agree with Country - we witness the life from the other side and our priorities are redefined. Many of those who consider themselves "rich" look in awe and with envy at barefoot and happy local children playing. Also agree with Earthqueen - we lost not only one friend to reinvention. One wanted to re-invent himself and change his life completely as he found a new wife and wanted a new 'scenery'. He did not want to be reminded of that other person he was before. So, mixed feelings about re-inventing. Brilliant topic Seachange. Thank you. (Ms)
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RHP User
7 years ago
It wasn't really planned but when I was told to start work an hour later I quit. Now I'm retired...
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