M51
Sending the first message?
April 21 2019
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
I don't reply to a lot of the msgs I get for two reasons : either there no profile pic or I know they aren't for me 😕 I always wondered if its better to ignore, or tell someone your don't find them attractive?? I just didn't want to hurt any egos.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Personally, I feel a quick reply would be nice. I realise that some people may be opening with course one liners, but if the person has politely said hello, that they find you interesting and attractive and would like to know a little morr then surely some form of acknowledgement is fair?. I think if someone has taken the time to politely express an interest then ignoring them is poor form. I wouldn't ignore someone I wasn't attracted to.
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horneycouplewa
7 years ago
Sure start with "Hi there, how are you?" but in the same message tell them about yourself, as surely you haven't put every detail on your profile. I would mention what you did like about their profile, what you think you have in common, keeping everything positive. For me personally I'm attracted to humor even it's a little naughty or kinky as that is us to a tee. But most importantly be sure YOU are what they are looking for !!!!! It is a bit like two up : Heads your getting it or Tails your kicked in the ass :) Good luck
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RHP User
7 years ago
If you write a decent message first off , you are going to be at least a chance. If you put no effort into a message you are going to be no chance for the greater majority of the time. Unless you look like Dothraki with a sword to match and then you you could write a two letter word and be over run. 😂😂 Patience, honesty and perseverance is what’s required. Good luck.
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sw1ng3rz
7 years ago
I know what you mean about trying to find that thing in their profile to chat about without it sounding corny or full on. We reply to everyone, I see it as being polite. If someone said hi as they walked past I wouldn’t ignore them.... same goes here. We have had a few people that our interests don’t match so we politely let them know and wish them luck.
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atomicblonde
7 years ago
I’m finding this post confusing as I just looked at your profile and you’ve said you’re not looking for anyone right now- but yet you’re confused why you’re not receiving replies to messages 🤔 I can only assume you’re looking for the one thing you’d “consider”- a female that must be bi to join you and your lady friend, but she has the final say on who joins in. From my point of view, being in the minority group on here that you may be targeting with messages ie. a single bi female- I’m reading your profile wondering what’s in this for me? It’s all about you and her, can you see how that’s not very appealing? There’s plenty of choice for us and unless someone’s offering something that’s in line with my wants or needs, or at least considering them I wouldn’t reply. I hope your messages you’re sending are a little more articulate and thoughtful as to what you’re wanting and offering.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thanks, yes that's probably playing a big part! Fair call!, I'll go back and fix my profile and see how that pans out!.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think its always better to get a 'sorry not interested' than nothing
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Freaky_Fun
7 years ago
I was one of those people that used to reply to every message. Not anymore!! I got over the poor me, what's wrong with me, you're nothing but a fat slut, my loss, get you teeth fixed, they dodged a bullet, l missed out on a great fuck etc etc responses after l politely replied thanks but no thanks. Is that fair? And before you add, but I'm not like that. Yep ok because none of us have ever heard that before. And totally agree with Atomic why the hell would l reply to your message after reading your profile. Maybe you special friend should be sending the messages.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Facts to acknowledge In here, a 50% response rate is good when the genuinely-female rate is likely far less than that Only mail genuine profiles to begin with and your rate can only improve
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RHP User
7 years ago
If that were me, and I came across fuck all In their profile, I’d not even bother messaging... It shows how much effort they will put into your interactions with them...
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Libertine001
7 years ago
I always appreciate a response and acknowledge that everyone has different opinions on what their attracted to and that your just not what their after. By getting abusive or telling them on what their missing out on is not going to get you anywhere and its no wonder that most dont respond if that's what they cop after saying no thanks.
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TwoPlus
7 years ago
If someone has taken the time to introduce themselves, we believe it’s courtesy to reply whether we are interested or not. If it is only a Hi! Want to hook up tonight or Wanna play etc We don’t bother replying. A couple of tasteful pics and a basic description of who you are and what you’re looking for lures you into wanting to learn more from that person. You then should get a reply to your messages or flirts. From a woman’s point of view, although I appreciate how in tune and proud men are of their anatomy, a face and partially clothed body pic is first and foremost any day 😊 There needs to be an attraction before an anatomy pic. HAPPY EASTER beautiful people x
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Half line messages don't cut the mustard. Make an effort to make the recipient feel the need to reply and make the effort either positive or negative. No need to write a book but enough to show the convo is not going to be like pulling teeth.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I don't invest much in a first message, I usually invite them to view my profile and get back to me if they want to chat. I always acknowledge the thanks but no thanks replies. No I don't abuse them I thank them. Mostly I message people about things other than a date so my reply rate is around 64% As they say I'm mainly here for the forum...
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RHP User
7 years ago
We try and reply to all messages though some are offensive Often reply with a thank you but not for us which is followed by a “why not”? So sometimes it’s easier not to reply! Be polite and respectful and good luck.
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Seachange73
7 years ago
To stop coaching people. "Atomic blonde Thanks, yes that's probably playing a big part! Fair call!, I'll go back and fix my profile and see how that pans out!." By pointing out that their initial intentions as documented in their original profile is the reason why people avoid them, the OP is now going to amend his profile to write what RHPers want to hear and basically lie to get laid. 👎👎👎😡 Geez. Another one for me to block .
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yep I came to that realisation a while back after a particularly unsavoury email exchange with a guy in here asking me to help change the perceptions of him that he had created by his behaviour
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RHP User
7 years ago
My profile was a cluttered mess with added bits that would confuse anyone, there was no suggestion of lying about anything, feel free to block me for no apparent reason though 😂😂😂
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TemptingTroubRHP
7 years ago
I’m polite and reply to any messages - even if it’s a no thank you. Your profile is bland and incomplete though, you haven’t filled all your sections and you haven’t verified it. It says you’re looking for “friends” 🤣🙊 if you messaged me (for example), I’d sweetly reply that your picture was delicious but unfortunately I am not looking for friends at the moment so best wishes X
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Exactly why we need to question why people ask for profile advice to attract people. Is it for lack of trying, inability to articulate their wants/needs or the audience are not attracted to their wares on offer? To mask their true intentions to dupe people into a lulled state of trust or comfort to be taken advantage of is quite predatory if not downright disgusting. Why not just be honest as there are people who will attracted to their specific traits and needs. Give people a choice to decide if they are suited. It begs to question to what extent will they go to deceive others for their own selfish pleasure? Building foundations in sinking sand? 😱 Sure, there are genuine people wanting advice on how to tweek their profile, but to completely alter their profile to mask their intention at others' expense, shame on them. I've read too many said stories on here. Shame really if it ruins the experience for some people. 👎👎
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Seachange73
7 years ago
"Sea change ....feel free to block me ..." Done. 👍👌 I wonder how much of the new updates would result after Atomic's points have been made? 😎
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Seachange73
7 years ago
Profile changed leaving references to originally seeking a bi female for yourself and your female partner, as pointed out by Atomic. Profile now cleaned and shiny... Now you're a single male. Ok.. Lol. So are you attached (prior to today's change) or genuinely single?
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RHP User
7 years ago
I don't reply to simple "Hi, how are you?" messages. My profile clearly states what I expect in a message. Sounds harsh, but to stand out from the crowd you need to put some thought into connecting with me. When I first joined RHP I replied to everyone until I received many questions asking me to justify why I didn't want to meet them or worse still the abuse. Yesterday I sent a genuine response to decline someone. His reply was to critique my public photos. That's the spirit mate, prove me right in dodging that bullet 😂 This is why people don't reply at the initial message or ghost after a couple.
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MnauMnau
7 years ago
Sending a first message and not getting any response? Really?? You are expecting way too much from RHP. Sometimes it takes more messages then 1 or 5. It might be weeks if you get anything back. IF... Firstly, be honest. It cuts down any disappointment later. People here on RHP have a special gift to find "liars, cheaters, etc" Some members prefer messages to be more than few lines. My first ever message was over 5000 words... never again :) But I've got at least a response from her. It's not hard to put an effort to a message. It's a bit harder to find a genuine profile here on RHP. Lots of fakes. Good luck
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RHP User
7 years ago
My original post was merely is it ok to go in short and sweet based on the lack of acknowledgement I'd had on some longer posts. After acknowledging my profile was a bag of mixed messages I decided to listen to advice and clarify things. My situation has changed, and my profile should have reflected that, instead it was ammended a while ago to incorporate a female partner in crime who I am very fond of still and remain close to and had not been changed back. There is nothing hidden in my profile thanks for the amateur sleuth work, my profile was unclear and I will re do it completely as it's also bland. I hadn't realised that the whole thing was a one shot deal where my personal life couldn't change and that Magnum PI would be picking through my profile and lighting a pyre for me at the end. I guess short messages are not OK
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MsJonesy
7 years ago
Ah, you have experienced the burn of the forums. Don't let the it get you down, in some ways it has been quite useful for you; getting the profile in line with being a single bloke looking for women will no doubt be more appealing for a prospective than a side line to join you & your existing fwb. In answer to you original question, put in as much effort into your first messages as you think warranted. If you want a positive result - which on this site usually means an answer - then your suggested first message is rarely going to get you anywhere. Best advice I can give is to invest time and effort, and personalise your first message.
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RHP User
7 years ago
The best first messages are the ones I have received, straight away you know there is an interested party online.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Don’t get all sooky.... Take a look at your post....you precipitated your question by giving background as to what the issue is....that is a lot of your messages go opened but unanswered. Then the suggestion that you change your messaging from thought out and invested to essentially a wham bam thank you ma’am testing the waters type so that your feelings of rejection can be mitigated against by OTHERS.... The responses here are going to be looking at all aspects and possibilities as to WHY your issue exists prior to giving you their own personal ideas on the direction that you should take.... While you may not like their responses because you are faced with the humbling reality of needing to take SOME responsibility, you need to accept the fact that not all lessons in life are going to be a sweet pill to taste....
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RHP User
7 years ago
I guess at the end of the day you can’t ‘ make’ somebody like you . Either they do or they don’t and if they don’t ,, move on . There’s no point being upset or angry ,, we are who we are . Now ??? Is everyone enjoying a much deserved couple of days off ?
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RHP User
7 years ago
I didn't get all sooky, I simply clarified things rather than sit and have mud flung at me. I do think that I'll leave the forums though, it's really not worth the hassle.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I received a message from a woman 2 days after posting, we met in the 2 following days. It's now time to take this story back to the Mum bods thread...
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Rembrandt1
7 years ago
I firmly believe that a response is the courteous minimum. If you say ‘hello’ to someone on a tram, how do you feel if they look blankly at you, clearly having heard your greeting but not deigning to acknowledge at all? As to the content of their greeting this can depend on so many factors. Let’s face it, to be a good sexual partner you don’t need to be a great wordsmith. And good composition is not a great indicator of intelligence, if you’re looking for a intellectual buddy. Common courtesy makes the world a happier and easier place to live in; indifference is the worst response for someone to deal with and is often a cause of the vulgar, crass ‘fuck off you up-yourself cunt’ response. Be kind, they’ll be your kind.
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RHP User
7 years ago
In replying to some messages......because the messenger obviously hasnt bothered to read your profile. Im looking for unattached non smokers. Ive had a few messages from married smokers. Theres absolutely no point, courteous or not, in sending a reply.
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RHP User
7 years ago
The First message is always the hardest for me. Some people I message are purely out of curiosity, as their profiles are very lite on with details and my curiosity gets the better of me. But having said that, I have met some wonderful people, whose profiles were not much more than one line and no picture. For me, I try to put as much detail into my profile about who I am and the type of people I like to associate with... but this is fraught with danger as I run the risk of potentially alienating someone, that may misinterpret my content and think this guy is weird.... My way of thinking is, if I message someone I invite them to have a read of my profile and if they like it, then lets have a conversation. Btw... please feel free to critique my profile for me. 😉
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Infovore
7 years ago
Quoting 'ray8x65' I think its always better to get a 'sorry not interested' than nothing I'd like that too, it would certainly make life easier. However, if you look at it from the point of view of those who receive the most messages, there are (at least) two good reasons for them not to reply:1. They receive large numbers of messages and it would simply be too time consuming. Some people shotgun post in large numbers without reading or qualifying profiles first. 2. If they don't respond positively, some take it as an invitation to get all whiny, or just obnoxious. I strongly suspect that 2 is both more common and problematic than 1. I still get personally frustrated about non-responses, but I try to remember that it's (probably) not about me. I'm as green as, so a question for the veterans: Do you think a disclaimer at the bottom of an intro message along the lines of the following would help, or be too off putting/needy? "I'd really appreciate a response when you get a chance. Even (especially) if you're response is "no thanks". I will not respond further if that's the case, I do not expect you to justify your decision, and I wont judge you either way. I just like closure"
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