Should i feel guilty

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  It is oh so hard to counsel someone without knowing all the facts. . When you talked to her.... what did you say? And what did she say? When you expressed your feelings, in what way was she not interested? . Are you trying to say that your marriage would be just peachy if some young hottie would satisfy your growing sexual needs and you could play happy hubby for the rest of the time??

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Your probably right younger bird might make me feel better.I tried to get her excited but its same postion me who always makes the first move she knows it and is not doing anything to fix it.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  If you guys have kids, do something that's just you two together, help her get the day to day crap off her mind, help her get motivated to exercise with you. Have the grandparents watch the kids for two nights a week to start with so you can at least go for a walk together. Make sure its just not you telling her to exercise, but something you can enjoy together. You would know better than anyone what that endorphin rush can do once you start working out, maker it more her idea. Try some more things before you give up and go down the other road. What's holding her back? ask those questions, cos if you really do love her to pieces you will. but I do wish you luck, cos this is potentially a can of worms LOL

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Thanks DGT... It gets awkward when it's just two guys talking relationships... especially when one is wearing fluffy ears. . Maybe you need to exercise empathy.... If she logged onto a sex site and wrote a post complaining about you, what would it sound like.... "He comes to bed smelly after a few beers, taps me on the shoulder and gropes me hoping I'm wet enough to jump on." or different?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hi there,Im a young woman and I have been in a relationship for about ten years. I love my husband and I know he loves me. However I can't say that we have sex as much as in the old days, now approx. 3 times a week. If my partner would feel the same as you would and If Im not really willing to talk about it or change the situation for him (us) I would accept it. I would not want to know, say: when you tell me!! but I would still accept it. I think you love your wife very much and you have tried to talk about it with her. Would you be happier when you had more sex with other woman? and if so, would you be a happier partner for her? If would say: try it but just don't tell her, so DON'T fall in LOVE......

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Jg I got ya tail.......I mean back

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  bugger 2nd lost message 2nite... and again: NothingToHide I know you’ve stated that you have tried communicating all of what you said to your wife. Without all the facts this may be off base, but I know (and was part of one) many couples, where they sort of get to a point where they ‘truly aren’t’ HEARING what their partner is saying. If you do love your wife as much as you say, and this isn’t an easy step for a guy especially.... But to be sure your wife is really listening to you and ‘HEARING’ before you go find yourself a plaything, try one last time with your wife to ensure she understands you and can possibly foresee what your next move might be and that could shock her into action as sometime people only realise what they’ve LOST, instead of realising WHAT THEY HAVE, before they lose it. The hard thing, is in long term relationships, sometime it takes a stranger, third party professional to make the penny drop and have her step into your reality and that you are at breaking/cheating point. I know how many people this has helped, just an idea? Sometimes one half of a couple is too wrapped up in their own stuff and their partner fades into the distant background and you become less aware of each others present day thoughts/realities... P.S. I am assuming you have tried romancing her, making her feel sexy and special (not hey luv, how bout gettin some exercise and try gettin back into your smaller sized clothes!)etc coz wives can get a little tired of the 'pretend' back massage that lasts barely a minute until they go for the goods, or the odd grope and how bout it? Especially when they are in daggy clothes, hair like a birdsnest, tired from the day and feel that they are at their unsexiest. Tends to get old and not so much of a turn on! Girls like a little imagination and variety, romance or some night out that you know that will help turn her on, females in long term relationships need some help to warm up the ole pipes (most of us can't swtich our minds off, housework, bills, work, kids, organising this that, lists, redecorating, appointments, blah blah blah, get off me honey!!! P.P.S. Is your wife happy (depression is not uncommon unfortunately)? Or is she simply needing a little TLC to build her back to happy because she never has her 'me' time? Do u guys spend much time together chatting and sharing fun times, just the two of you? IMO females really need the mental connection/communication to be strong in a long term relationship, if they are unhappy with something, then sex often lowers in priority with your partner, coz u want to resolve something? THis is all speculation, but a phsyc could totally help her dig it out, she may not even know why her libido is not happening, sometimes it is a bloody vitamin deficiency?! could be anything... if u cheat, YOU WILL FEEL GUILTY, and the you'll have to lie etc you'd get paranoid, do i smell like another, is the girl gonna end up stalking me?! it'll be fun at first, but then it could in the end just add to all your stresses?? All great things take a great amount of work, not just at the beginning, there is the maintenance side too... blah blah i do go on! hope this helps?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  if you feel the need to cheat on this woman that you are saying you love...then you dont love her as much as you say either fix what is broken or get out of the marriage why do you need us to tell you its alright to cheat on your wife??? how would you feel if you found out she was on here thinking about cheating on you??? roxxy

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'TassieRose' if you feel the need to cheat on this woman that you are saying you love...then you dont love her as much as you say either fix what is broken or get out of the marriage why do you need us to tell you its alright to cheat on your wife??? how would you feel if you found out she was on here thinking about cheating on you??? roxxy have to agree here. as this was my initial reaction... what if the shoe were on the other foot?I personally thing opting out would be the honorable thing. if you cant fix it, leave, and find happiness with another. but remember that sex is only one of the things that makes or beaks a relationship. the biggest one is honesty.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Honesty is very important and think the damage of finding what you need outside of your relationship could lead to you truly hurting the person you say you love more than anything else. I have a theory (unqualified of course) that if women become the mother of the entire family and not just the kids mum then it is hard for them to swap between being the sex goddess and the mother(carer) to their partner. Women assume the traditional carer/nurturer role but unless they themselves are comfy as sexual beings its easy for them to completely assume the mother role for all. Im not sure anything can be done to fix the lack of sex in a relationship .. My ex husband and I were in the 'me' being mother type of relationship due to one thing and another. I recall buying a book called 101 Nights of passion and did try and spice things up .. but I never did feel comfy with being very sexual with him... Eventually I left our marriage .. in part so that I could express the sexual goddess within ...Now in relationships that part of me is easily expressed and is now part of my persona and very much who I am ... Im not sure this helps you Good luck with it Sassy xx

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'TassieRose' if you feel the need to cheat on this woman that you are saying you love...then you dont love her as much as you say either fix what is broken or get out of the marriage why do you need us to tell you its alright to cheat on your wife??? how would you feel if you found out she was on here thinking about cheating on you??? roxxy have to agree here. as this was my initial reaction... what if the shoe were on the other foot?I personally thing opting out would be the honorable thing. if you cant fix it, leave, and find happiness with another. but remember that sex is only one of the things that makes or beaks a relationship. the biggest one is honesty. Totally agree! 100%

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Been there, done that, but from the other side.Turn offs/passion killers - kids, mortgage, work, unromantic husbands.Solution - Communication. This includes asking her what you can do for her to bring back the passion. If this fails try counselling.If all else fails lay it on the line and tell her of your intentions. But don't come on here and expect us to assuage your guilty feelings.TRY HARDER!!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Yes dont try and get our confirmation to cheat, the result will be if your wife finds out devasting I know of only a few people that survived that. (cheating hurts) My husband used to complain of the same he was the intitiator, but he was also the more dominant and hard to please my wants wer never considered he was never romantic or compassionate or intimate. You want sex sometimes our hormones are all stuffed up get it right with your wife first. Or go ahead and cheat but you only have yourself to blame if and when it all comes tumbling down.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Take a moment and think back to your last happy time together when the sex was good and the bond strong. What happened? What changed? Most men dont even notice the change because were looking the other way, you can fix this if you really wanted to, you need to found those things that are making her life hard, carry her load for a while so she can breathe, it hard work it would be easier to jump the fence, that grass is so green and moist Mmmm. But if you do love her HELP HER and stop thinking with your dick. .......thaty will be $500 dollars..next please!!!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  my dad stayed with my mum for 35 years and eventually felt the same as you. he told her he'd met someone else through the internet and was going to pursue it. he did and it didn't work. golddigger. now he's alone and i can't see who he's going to meet that will be more right for him than my mum was. but knowing that certain needs weren't being met and would likely never be (i really needed that mental imagery) they decided to not get back together. and rightfully so. nowadays they're good friends and still look out for each other with their finances and eating habits and whatnot. they're in their late 60's so maybe you've got time to find the right one at 46.if you've exhausted every possibility i suggest you just break it down once more and say why you're not happy and why you don't think you'll ever be. unless she meets you halfway which is highly unlikely judging by the miserable tone of your post, i'd break north.you only live once and if there's a possibility you'll be happier with someone else or no-one else for that matter, go live your life. we're all selfish animals and creatures of unbreakable habit most of the time.. as righteous as the women on here want to get with the "love" card, it's all bullshit. if there's no give and take, "love" is the most suffocating and depressing pile of shit there is. i stayed with a girl for five years i knew i didn't love like she did me, but i found it the hardest thing on earth to break her heart because i cared for her heaps and well, because she loved me and treated me better than all the other bitches did. how much is that worth though y'know? your one lifetime of unfulfilled desires, sex or otherwise?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'MistressT' Been there, done that, but from the other side.Turn offs/passion killers - kids, mortgage, work, unromantic husbands.Solution - Communication. This includes asking her what you can do for her to bring back the passion. If this fails try counselling.If all else fails lay it on the line and tell her of your intentions. But don't come on here and expect us to assuage your guilty feelings.TRY HARDER!! well said. grow some balls and make an adult effort to solve your problems.... dont make this 'soft'option your solution, it'll just make it worse.

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