M58
Stay or go
September 07 2016
Comments
-
RHP User
9 years ago
if you're writing long posts about it on a forum, then it sounds like an issue you should take up with the person you're talking about. They might think they show you their love in other ways, or they might just like having a slave.
-
sweetgem
9 years ago
Without knowing the full story, I cannot tell you if you're a selfish male or not. So, I won't comment on that, but want to acknowledge that your feelings towards the things in your relationship are quite bothering you. Hence, I suggest you to speak to your partner and sort things out among yourselves before your unhappy feelings get any deepen. As for your question about giving and giving, etc. I had been there and to hell and back! So, I've learned that one must stand up for themselves if they have enough of something or someone, otherwise it would only create more complications if they leave the issues alone for too long! Good luck Somuchfunforus, it is not an easy road to walk! - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
She assumes that her pleasure is your pleasure especially if you have never asked anything from her. A conversation might be timely ,a conversation about your desires...Communication is never a bad thing,most women believe it or not aren't psychic Q
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I spent over 20 years waiting for a simple compliment, or a gesture of love/affection, it never came. Some guys are just old school, good providers, no complaints there, very hard working and generous, in one sense, he too did everything for me and the kids, but love and intamacy/affection, was never there, which made me sad deep inside, but I never talked about it. For me, it comes naturally to compliment and want to please, show affection, but it doesn't to everyone. I gave up after a while and stopped even buying birthday presents, things like that, because when my birthday would come around, it was a rushed trip to the shop to get a box of chocolates for the kids to give to me. That sucked, it showed how little he cared or thought about me, so I did the same eventually. Things just go numb
-
RHP User
9 years ago
'intimacy' I meant, scuse my spelling haha
-
MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
There is no such thing as tid-for-tat in relationships. If you are continuing to please your partner OP, you will eventually loose focus of yourself and the relationship. It will burn you out. Best you focus on you, your needs and wants. For this to happen, you need to discuss (openly) with your partner, before resentment starts to creep in. It may also feel like you are smoothering her. I know as I've been there done that. We are not marriage counselors here. Best you seek professional advice as it will only get worse and worse over time. Best of luck. Ms Foxy
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I'm similar to you, I cook a about 4 to 5 times a week, do breakfasts and drinks almost every morning, dishes, washing, the school run, household repairs/maintenance, gyming the list goes on and I still manage to run my own company; godamnit I'm good lol. The difference is, possibly, that my wife does show appreciation and does help a little, works a few days a week, 2 of which are for a charity and gyms 4 to 5 times a week (which keeps her looking pretty damn hot) and most importantly I get as much action as I want; because of this, I'm cool with doing whatever. However, without this, I'd fully walk. I know everyone's going to say talk to her, express your feelings and all that hippy stuff and maybe there is something in it but tbh, in my opinion, it you're getting nothing back for all that you are putting in, I feel the roots are deeper than a discussion will resolve.......this is based purely on what you've outlined above.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Do something about it.... Start by talking to her.....gauge her response. But remember, we teach people how to treat us, usually through our actions. Time to stop being a tad passive aggressive toward her, and start being assertive with her. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Ive read and reread your post and you dont seem unhappy or bitter about spoiling your lady, in fact, youre saying that you are happy to do this. She just maybe thinks youre happy being the giver? What was your reaction to the birthday surprise...did you say "thank you, but there was no need to do this" or "thank you that was a lovely surprise?" My guy spoils me, which took a bit of getting used to as I am very independant and did everything for myself. He cooks, does the garden, buys me lovely gifts, takes me out to dinner and for nights in hotels where we watch the sunset with champagne...hence the name. If that sounds over the top to some people, thats of no issue to me, hes happy, Im happy and he knows I appreciate it. What other people think means nothing to us. Relationships work when both people are happy with how it works. If you are happy doing this and want reassurance that its quite normal to do so, then keep doing it. Maybe she loves you for it but thinks that you know that already? But if you are hankering after some reciprocation, give her a gentle hint, and gauge the reaction. Best of luck but in the end if you are happy spoiling your "Queen" then its your business. You sound lovely to me and I hope she appreciates you xx
-
Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
only concur with what has been generally proffered above - it's time you two had a talk with one another. Explain nicely the way you see things, let her explain the way she sees things, and see if there are any differences in between. If things are as you have explained, then there should soon be a noticeable area of grounds to cover to discuss to make both of you happy. However, if there is no "consensus", then it's time to take it to the professional level.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
For the topic to be titled "stay or go", this is clearly not a new issue, and clearly something you must be talking to your partner about....... instead of asking total and anonymous strangers if you should end that relationship!!! I have one word. COMMUNICATION. As you are not feeling appreciated on the levels you require her to show you, then you need to make your feelings crystal clear by opening up that dialogue. Now, I expect you will say "but I have". And to that my reply is that there is communication, and there is EFFECTIVE communication. You have two ears and one mouth.... that should give you some idea of the balance of how communication should run DG - Posted from rhpmobile
-
AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Stop pandering to her. Give her the same as she gives you. Nothing. She will soon have that conversation with you. It may sound harsh but you've dug yourself into the hole by letting it happen
-
Katkat
9 years ago
Talk to her open up tell her everything what you want tell her to compromise if nothing happens after few months say give it 6months seek a couple sex therapist if still nothing happens walk away. You don't need to be stuck in shit relationship if she doesn't want to make it happen. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
And you're on here not as part of a couple. Seems like simple math. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
OMG I can not believe that the forumites haven't sledged you about your single male profile. Not sure what's going on here as the profile is normally ripped apart so here we go. I'm guessing that Mrs has no idea that you have a profile here as you are listed as a single male so therefore you must be cheating on her. Seeing that you are obviously cheating on her she is treating you with disdain, women have a sixth sense so she has sensed your cheating ways. There is no mention of your partner in your profile....why?....I want to know why! Obviously you have issues in the bedroom because you are actively seeking someone outside of your relationship. You clearly don't deserve her because you have a single male profile on RHP. You have listed yourself as "experimental", does your partner know this side of you?....if not, why the secrets?.....secrets are very unhealthy in a relationship. What about disease transmission from you being "experimental"? have you any idea that ejaculate is the root of all evil, if you get it in the eye it could literally kill you!
-
AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide' OMG I can not believe that the forumites haven't sledged you about your single male profile. Not sure what's going on here as the profile is normally ripped apart so here we go. I'm guessing that Mrs has no idea that you have a profile here as you are listed as a single male so therefore you must be cheating on her. Seeing that you are obviously cheating on her she is treating you with disdain, women have a sixth sense so she has sensed your cheating ways. There is no mention of your partner in your profile....why?....I want to know why! Obviously you have issues in the bedroom because you are actively seeking someone outside of your relationship. You clearly don't deserve her because you have a single male profile on RHP. You have listed yourself as "experimental", does your partner know this side of you?....if not, why the secrets?.....secrets are very unhealthy in a relationship. What about disease transmission from you being "experimental"? have you any idea that ejaculate is the root of all evil, if you get it in the eye it could literally kill you! we must be asleep at the wheel.........
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Stop pampering her to see if she notices, if she doesn't notice the change then she is definitely taking you for granted...this maybe because she has someone on the side thats taken her fancy. Sorry to say but in most cases when someone in a relationship takes the other person for granted its because there's another person on the scene.😣 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I think your tired from doing too many chores , pampering , running the household. Your emotional and feel unipriceated ? Your looking for answers my advice tell her how you feel. Deep down you know it's crunch time , you have had enough . She seems like she has too , not caring about you , letting you do everything for her !! Not a ideal partnership she has been doing it for years , time to move on . I don't think she will ever change whilst with you ... Not all woman are like her , I would be happy to have a guy treat me right and I certainly would be appreciativeand and tell him how much i care , I would spoil and reciprocate right back .
-
RHP User
9 years ago
my advice is read the five love languages book - maybe she just has a different way of showing her love. secondly, perhaps you set a precedent ? I am guilty of doing that, in the start of a relationship you pick up his clothes off the floor , make his lunches etc and within a year or so you get sick of doing it all - all the time then you say to your partner WTH ? and they don't even know it an issue because that's how its always been. So , like the others I"m going to suggest a discussion with her about it .
-
RHP User
9 years ago
No one needed to....you've done it for us :) Thanks 👍🏻 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' ... COMMUNICATION. ...you need to make your feelings crystal clear by opening up that dialogue. Now, I expect you will say "but I have". And to that my reply is that there is communication, and there is EFFECTIVE communication. You have two ears and one mouth.... that should give you some idea of the balance of how communication should run DG - Posted from rhpmobile I'd have to agree with DG (and some others too) re: Communication. I would add to that by suggesting it is important to set the right scene and tone for your discussion. Remember, it's not what you say, but the way that you say it. It can be easy to let emotions run high, and such discussions can devolve to a slanging match. I do not suggest you should speak dispassionately. Rather, I would remind you that accusations back and forth between you will do nothing to help your situation. You may find it helpful to contact you local Family Relationships Australia office by web or phone (even if you don't have kids). They may be able to assist you directly, or they may suggest someone else appropriate to your situation. If you drop in to their office, you will find they have a range of reference materials, booklets etc which may give you some helpful pointers.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
No worries stirry I thought it was really weird that people were only answering his question and not tearing his profile apart. I hadnt seen that before so I thought that I would readress the balance
-
RHP User
9 years ago
HAHAHAHA Your sarcasm is rarely wasted on me man :) - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Really good book. Opened my eyes up to me. OP. I think you need some pampering. You can only give so much, why not do something for yourself. Take a small holiday, tell her you need a break. Join a gym maybe. Go get a massage..... anything...... Just remember you're alive for you too, not just to please others all the time. Goodluck. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
In any relationship from the very beginning we are teaching the other person how we expect to be treated and what is acceptable. So we get what we tolerate. Down the track the very things we were more than willing to do at the start of the relationship are the things that can destroy it. The longer things are left the harder it is to change. You also need to let your partner know what things make you feel loved and really get to know what things make them feel loved. If buying things / gifts or acts of service are not part of her love language they are not necessarily making her feel loved. She actually may be doing things for you as well but because they are not the things that make you feel loved you are missing that they are in fact an act of love from her. In other words your acts are miscommunication your love, commitment and attention for each other. We naturally do for the ones we love the very things we'd like done for ourselves. But if they don't match and it has not been dealt with it can become a real issue as it has with you. There seems to be a lot of work to be done but before getting upset further by it can I suggest you go onto the the 5lovelanguages.com website, do the quiz and ask if you partner would mind doing it as well explaining that you'd like to learn how to love them better and compare the results with the things you are doing. Stop doing these things and change your language if needed and open the discussions on the things you need to feel loved and appreciated. In any case have an open and honest conversation but please leave the blaming and preconceived ideas and assumptions out of it and go into it with a open mind and heart. Hopefully you will be able to work things out.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Really good book. Opened my eyes up to me. OP. I think you need some pampering. You can only give so much, why not do something for yourself. Take a small holiday, tell her you need a break. Join a gym maybe. Go get a massage..... anything...... Just remember you're alive for you too, not just to please others all the time. Goodluck. - Posted from rhpmobile Good call
-
RHP User
9 years ago
men don't worry about feelings and crap, it's time you started hitting the gym and finding some other passions to explore. It's pathetic worry about i too much and definitely play harder to get or move on. The world is at your finger tips.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'meawikanz' men don't worry about feelings and crap, it's time you started hitting the gym and finding some other passions to explore. It's pathetic worry about i too much and definitely play harder to get or move on. The world is at your finger tips. wow
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I am eternally grateful to know I can't think of one single male friend who subscribes to your viewpoint. On the whole I actually find my male friends to be more generous, kind , compassionate and empathetic than many of my girlfriends . Big shoutout to the good guys :) Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88140
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10230
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11664
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9760
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1007 Comments: 5253
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5775
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share