M47
The Boyfriend Effect
July 04 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Now I understand.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I believe it is true for some ladies,But this could also apply to the opposite sex
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RHP User
10 years ago
If we bonk you on the first night, you're only worthy of being a fuk toy.
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RHP User
10 years ago
These women exist, I'm sure, but I think you're asking this question in the wrong place. For me sex is a huge part of a relationship, so I'd rather find out sooner than later if we're compatible in bed or not. I'm certainly not going to wait to find out if they like their parents or save puppies in their free time. As for being all ladylike? If I cannot be myself around someone, then something is wrong. Oh ok, I might be a bit more careful not to fart in bed if I really really like a guy.
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MissBishere
10 years ago
mind games to me played by calculating people. I'm far to easy going for that bullshit and if that's why I will never have another relationship then I'm ok with that. And really if men participate in that kind of rubbish then they are just as bad. mind you I'd be interested to hear from any woman that has done this or does do this as I have a strong suspicion they will be saying this is so men don't think they are easy, I'm sure you know that old saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" and of course there is that whole group of men (and lots of them are in here) that will play around on a site like this with "woman like this" but when they get serious about finding a relationship wants the good girl, you know the type you will marry. you can probably tell this stuff really irritates me. It's all judgement, labels and hypocrisy at its finest. rant over thanks for listening missb
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was going to say I was reminded of The Rules and playing games, but thought I'd be nice... :-D
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RHP User
10 years ago
Oh to think there are women that actively seek out men that are attached. Guess that would also be true for men going for attached women. There must be something exciting about it. Who wants to find a good root and then have restricted access. I don't think that would be any joy at all. The blame for cheating is the one in the relationship, but it still is not normal to only want cheaters. Who goes around enticing people to cheat? Does not appeal to me that is for sure.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Possibly do this..the Rules say,keep him hanging for at least five dates blah bah...but how would you know that you missed out on great sex if you didn't do the deed ?..btw men do buy into this bullshit too..xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Possibly do this..the Rules say,keep him hanging for at least five dates blah bah...but how would you know that you missed out on great sex if you didn't do the deed ?..btw men do buy into this bullshit too..xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
so maybe its not premeditated , but could this scenario be built in to certain womens psychic /subconcsious state that runs automatically To wed !! then Bed !! there man ?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Meander said. I still read that advice in articles, even from more liberal authors, that if women are looking for a serious relationship then they need to hold off on having sex, and if they do it too soon the guy won't respect them blah blah blah. Well, sorry but fuck that shit. For one, if I'm not sexually compatible with someone then there won't be a relationship, and for another if a guy doesn't respect me because I had sex with him before some predetermined ácceptable' time period then he's a douchebag that I am much better off not knowing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not into meet the friends/dog/hang out at "his" places, but I do like to have drinks or dinner with someone and feel comfortable with them. THEN......I find that the sex is always really good because of the anticipation of next time. And usually it leads to a friendship so good all round.
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RHP User
10 years ago
who is doing just that. We still talk, still friends. A year ago her husband left her. She has a high sex drive and well she's going on these dating sites and is looking for love immediately rather than the majority of the guys just wanting a root and well she's getting hurt constantly but can't see these guys are not after a relationship - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
If you don't see a future with them but you are feeling horny. You bonk them and then never call call them again. That is what all men seem to so - and that is what I do. And yes, if you feel there is a future with someone you would take thinks slowly. But not necessarily the sex part though. I wouldn't introduce people to family for a long long time for example. Sometimes it is nice taking things a little More slowly and letting the anticipation build up. For me, if you do bonk a bloke on the first date then 90% of the time it turns into a one night stand.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' These women exist, I'm sure, but I think you're asking this question in the wrong place. For me sex is a huge part of a relationship, so I'd rather find out sooner than later if we're compatible in bed or not. I'm certainly not going to wait to find out if they like their parents or save puppies in their free time. As for being all ladylike? If I cannot be myself around someone, then something is wrong. Oh ok, I might be a bit more careful not to fart in bed if I really really like a guy. I have never heard of the boyfriend effect and it sounds like a lot of rubbish to me but IF such an attitude exists then "the girlfriend effect" must exist as well. On another note, it's sunny where I am........hope the sun is shining over all of you today!
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RHP User
10 years ago
with a woman who had sex with me on a first date. I had to wait six weeks before I got to go all the way with my now Wife. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
See that ^^^^
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MissBishere
10 years ago
way to go spides. Love an honest answer.
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RHP User
10 years ago
MissB.... Why have one cocktail Frankfurt when you can have a dozen kranskys. Why buy the entire pig just to get some pork. :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
if your passing your judgement on a person who has sex on a fist meetas apposed to a six week waitat what point do you apply the same views, your standards upon your self and your prior actions??
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RHP User
10 years ago
You mention that a lot of men on this site are fine to play around with the women on this site but would never contemplate a serious relationship with someone from RHP. I am sure we have all come across that attitude. I know I have. But doesn't that just confirm that men don't want promiscous or easy women when it comes to choosing a girlfriend or wife. Therefore, isn't that just confirming that you have your fun here but if you do meet someone you think there is a future with you have to act a bit more "exclusive" or play a little hard to get in order to be taking seriously by SOME men. Not all men. It's a marketing ploy. Be exclusive, expensive, good quality.... And people assume the product is better and want it more. They value it more.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I admit to having done this. When I joined RHP, I also had a profile on a vanilla dating site where I was looking for love, romance and the whole fairy tale ending. I went on vanilla dates, and kept my interest in 'kinky' sex totally under wraps. Even when I did have sex with a guy (and that only ever happened after the 4th date!), I was all ''little miss innocent-missionary position preferred-if you're lucky I'll get on top'. Whereas my RHP hook ups were awesome, no-holds barred fun. I did it because I felt that if I was honest about what I wanted sexually with a potential boyfriend that he wouldn't see me as a potential girlfriend, I'd just be put straight in the slut-zone. And lets face it, there are guys who do have that attitude. Spides being an example (not knocking him, at least he was honest about it). It took me a few months to realise that I was just wasting everyone's time with that behaviour, and that it was totally pointless, not to mention dishonest to both myself and the potential bf. so no more vanilla dating profiles ever again. If a guy puts me in the slut-zone because he met me on an adult dating site, so be it. His loss, move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just read back on my post and maybe slut zone is a bit harsh -sorry :/ 'Too easy or too promiscuous to have a relationship with category' might have been better wording.
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MissBishere
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' You mention that a lot of men on this site are fine to play around with the women on this site but would never contemplate a serious relationship with someone from RHP. I am sure we have all come across that attitude. I know I have. But doesn't that just confirm that men don't want promiscous or easy women when it comes to choosing a girlfriend or wife. Therefore, isn't that just confirming that you have your fun here but if you do meet someone you think there is a future with you have to act a bit more "exclusive" or play a little hard to get in order to be taking seriously by SOME men. Not all men. It's a marketing ploy. Be exclusive, expensive, good quality.... And people assume the product is better and want it more. They value it more. you are most likely right and I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life because to me that stuff is false advertising, its manipulative and rather condescending to the guys involved. But hey they seem to lap it up. I have never engaged in such mind games. I can be the sweetest girl next door total innocent, with my quiet nature and big eyes its not hard. The Ultimate lady in the street, slut between the sheets, the fanatsy. but they don't really want the reality of it. LOL especially if you have a big job You know what I think they are ultimately afraid of is that because you meet on a site like this you will never be faithful, never settle for just them and they will never be able to match you sexually. That you will always be searching for something bigger and better and thats a really sad outlook to have. LOL...this song just came on as I'm typing this. made me laugh...as I started singing the words thinking yeah that's so appropriate... to my twisted thinking anyway. "Kick Me" Let's hang the jury You sick judgemental fools I’ll bury you six feet deep So tired of your rules Fuck you and your opinion How could you be so blind? What goes around Comes back around in time You don’t know shit You don’t know shit about me You don’t know shit, shit, shit Don’t know a goddamn thing about me Keep looking down on me, I am more than you’ll ever be Cut me deep but I won’t bleed You're gonna kick, kick Kick me when I’m down
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MissBishere
10 years ago
thats an extract of the song "Kick Me" by Sleeping with Sirens.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not everyone is like that though... Same as not everyone is suckered into the latest advertising or they must have what the Jones have type of thinking. It's just very hard for most people to be on the same page at the same time.... That's all. xx I have always been alone though. So what else is new? :-/
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tylannister
10 years ago
My ex-wife and I lasted all of a week when we were dating before we had sex - couldn't keep our hands off each other. We lasted 15 years together. The chemistry was there. I wasn't going to arbitrarily deny it. I certainly won't judge a woman I'm seeing based on how long it takes before we have sex. If it happens right away, fantastic, if not, so be it - let's see where this takes us.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Jesus that last line of mine makes me cringe. That's not like me... And I don't like that of type of thinking. Anyway. Enough of that. :)
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MissBishere
10 years ago
I know not everyone is like that. I just find it frustrating. Maybe I should change teams...
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RHP User
10 years ago
If the sex is good, first date or after retirement I know I want more. It is so hard to find good sex, and as i am still a petulant child I want more, more, more.... It confuses me to hear that people are happy with the one off. Could it be that all the sex they have is great so it does not matter to let one go, or is it that the standard of sex has yet to find a high. From what I have seen I think that latter may be true. But then maybe us bottom feeders have yet to see the sun.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I guess if I see a future with a woman am I likely to think of her more in the fact she wouldn't sleep with me straight away...as was said its all different circumstances. If I was on here looking for one night stands or NSA fun if assume that would be verified from the start. If I'm looking for love then again different wording in my profile. Screwing on a first meet I'd see the woman as a bit of fun. I start dating her and she comes home the next morning what am I going to think? Wouldn't take Sherlock to work it out 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I totally agree with you both. As a guy I don't get at all the mentality of having a bit of fun on RHP but am on vanilla sites to find a prim, proper and certainly not in any way slutty wife (I say slut in a positive way). If that's their thinking then I would be saying your loss too. I certainly prioritise great kinky sex in a relationship as well as personality and make bloody no appologies for that and would definitely not be settling for anything less. Setting would just get me into exactly the same position again in a boring vanilla sexless marriage and why would I want that? I think it also all comes back to how insecurity a guy who is like that. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think it's sad that this debate still continues. How people judge, in particular women, who have sex "too quickly". Everyone gets judged every day. the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the religion they practice. Sex is just used as another tool to compartmentalized someone to satisfy our own moral judgement.Reality is without differing views,values and morals the world would be a boring place. We would meet someone, wait the required 5 or so dates the move to 1 st base etc etc.........because it's the rules.I've played by rules before- who's rules I have no idea- but that didn't work out too well. So here's to playing by my own rules, no judgement of anyone else, different strokes for different folk. For those that want to wait, good for you. For those that dont, good on you too. Happy Sunday everyone.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Does for me anyway. As the old saying goes - "Seduce my mind and the rest will follow" Good Sex/Bad Sex - what ever happened to open honest sex and expressing desires of self to the other. Why cant a bad lover (if there is a connection) at first become the best you have ever had through learning together. No man has ever completely satisfied me with out my guidance. Apparently men are not mind readers.
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RHP User
10 years ago
In the vein that RHP people are not good for relationships.....I know two couples who met on here and so far are as happy as you could imagine., In fact, the guy in one relationship has moved to Perth to live after the both of them flew back and forth to see each other for a few months. RHPSVP?
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RHP User
10 years ago
If I meet someone and we get along well and there is a connection on all levels. Then having sex on the 1st date or the 5th makes no difference to me. I dont become someone else between the 1-5 dates, Im capable of having a FWB, FB or a relationship whether it be open or not. I know this because I have life experience.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Me and Mrs3 had sex the first night we hooked up, and have been together near on 15 years. She's probably thinking she should've waited and got something better though so I guess it cuts both ways.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'spides'Screwing on a first meet I'd see the woman as a bit of fun. I start dating her and she comes home the next morning what am I going to think? Wouldn't take Sherlock to work it out 😉 Are you saying that if she has sex with you the first night she'll cheat on you? Personally I think being promiscuous while single has nothing to to with being deceitful while in a relationship. I don't understand how you got to that conclusion, could you explain?
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RHP User
10 years ago
before I will consider her for girlfriend material. Note this doesn't neccesarily mean sleeping with me on the first date. So it does work the opposite way for some guys. Or at least one but I know I am not that special.
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TemptingTroubRHP
10 years ago
Ha ha.. Confessional. I also have profiles for each purpose; happily ever afters on a vanilla site and RHP for naughtiness. The only reason I tend to hold off on someone I really like or see potential with... Is... well, it does something to the poor mans brain! Ha ha... then it's sex sex sex sex, and I find I miss out a little on the getting to know them step ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
...and we slept together after about 3 hours. Originally it was a friends with benefits relationship, but then we found we had a lot more in common, we clicked in other ways as well as sexually, grew closer, and gave it a shot. I didn't lose respect for her because she slept with me after a few hours. To do that would also mean I've lost respect for myself too right? Like a few others on here, I like to get the sex out the way early as well. It's an important part of a relationship. And if you're not having fun with someone in the bedroom, is the rest of the relationship really going to be that great? And I'd rather find that out before filling my head with the boring stuff like her favourite colour, or that she grew up with 3 cats named Whofargencares, Couldngivasheet, and... Tibby...
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RHP User
10 years ago
OP... I thin k you've got the two a little mixed up....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quote of the week.Hit the nail Doc ".... I didn't lose respect for her because she slept with me after a few hours. To do that would also mean I've lost respect for myself too right?"
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him_and_me
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' 'Personally I think being promiscuous while single has nothing to to with being deceitful while in a relationship.' Deceit is purely to do with honesty and respect in my book. We have a always had a lot of fun in bed, but up until exploring our lifestyle, our promiscuity was limited to one another (actually that probably negates the definition of promiscuity). Anyway, despite our love of sex, we would never cheat as we love and respect each other too much. We are also completely open and honest with each other about everything. I think it is that comfort level that has lead to our ability to experiment with this lifestyle at all. Him. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'spides' Screwing on a first meet I'd see the woman as a bit of fun. I start dating her and she comes home the next morning what am I going to think? Wouldn't take Sherlock to work it out 😉 By that logic, since you screwed her on a first meet then you should also just be seen as a bit of fun, and you shouldn't be trusted to be faithful either. Why should it be any different for you because you're a man? Hey, at least you're brave enough to admit your thought process on here and I know you're far from the only guy who does think this way. But it just highlights the double standards and hypocrisy at play.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I always thought most guys are like me, but I have been asking around and it seems that many men place easy women in the slut zone and thus they are not considered relationship material. This is a big surprise especially when considering the caliber of the guys involved. They are far from the confidant type, so why would they avoid women so free with their sexuality. One would think that is what they should be looking for. I am starting to think that maybe they are in fear that such women would be quicker to move on and tolerate less crap. I just don't have the experience to know if that is true, but nor do they. This is the problem with stereo typing, the only person that is put at a disadvantage is ones self.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Quoting 'spides' Screwing on a first meet I'd see the woman as a bit of fun. I start dating her and she comes home the next morning what am I going to think? Wouldn't take Sherlock to work it out 😉 By that logic, since you screwed her on a first meet then you should also just be seen as a bit of fun, and you shouldn't be trusted to be faithful either. Why should it be any different for you because you're a man? Hey, at least you're brave enough to admit your thought process on here and I know you're far from the only guy who does think this way. But it just highlights the double standards and hypocrisy at play. It's so unfortunate that these double standards even exist.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I would probably not take a bloke that sent "wanna fuck" type messages to all and sundry and would willingly meet any woman that messaged him back without caring who she is. Isn't that the same? You do think twice about the players don't you? Blokes also will down play their past when they are serious about someone ... All those regular joes out there. It's all the same isn't it?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm sure I've read numerous posts from you commenting on your relationship-ruining sexual incompatibility with your first wife. Maybe you'd have kept your house, if you'd got the sexual dynamic worked out earlier. I think there are lots of aspects that make a relationship work - sex is part of it, good to work on those fun delicious details earlier on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well in all honesty I am not attracted to easy men. To fuck yeah maybe but a boyfriend I don't so easy.
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HotWifeUnicorn
10 years ago
My husband has found a lass that he'd like to experience 'dating' with - aka a girlfriend on the side. So far our explorations with singles have entirely been about one-off hooking up and really nothing-else. I'm curious to try 'dating' and creating on-going connections with cool playmates but I have a husband, and a life plan with him and so am looking for friendship, fucking and mutual respect not romantic love. Although my profile needs work I thought I'd spelt out that I am looking for something slower than the usual rhp pace, maybe not... I launched this profile about 48 hours ago and have had more than a few 'wanna fuck?' type messages. This is all completely new territory for me, but I will be scrutinising the guys much more than I might have in my older model of play, and I'll be taking it slower so that the incompatible guys drop away because I'm not after one night stands.
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Hottie1
10 years ago
So many games that people play! Be who you are and have integrity of purpose, why try to dupe or deceive? The ugliest trait of a person is when a person acts one way (in particular on the forums or in chat) but in reality are not very nice people. My problem is I'm too honest I think, what you see is what you get. I fucked my hubby on our first date, we have been married for over 23 years and together 25. I didn't look at him as boyfriend material or hubby material, he was the hot tradie I wanted to fuck. He saw me as I was, insatiable, sexy and brutally honest, he got to know the person all the while exploring each other sexually. I'm confounded daily by what I learn of people. Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are lucky you are not out there looking for something a bit more serious than a bonk. It is a jungle out there.
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Hottie1
10 years ago
I do get it, though not single, I have struggled to find someone to connect with myself, more a FWB. My post was more in line with the frustration I'm experiencing with the dishonesty of people and the games people play. I value honesty, dishonesty and double standards really piss me off! Not aimed at you Meeka, im feeling a little vitriolic ATM! Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
My ex and I fucked like rabbits on our first date (and probably the next 10), then stayed together for 15+ years. Pretty sure the previous LTR was a first nighter as well. There's also been quite a few fucks on first dates that haven't gone any further, but it has nothing to do with that. You either click together and want more, or not. Given sex is quite important to me, like a few others above I rather know before I met the parents if we are going to be good in bed. And if you are into sex that's not quite vanilla, hiding it from me would be the worst thing you could do. I don't really understand why people don't just be themselves. You are much more likely to find someone genuinely compatible, and why would you want someone that won't accept you as you are anyway?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yeah Simon. It's a mystery that.
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
I don't do games, if I want to fuck someone i fuck them, if I don't then I dont, because in all honesty if I'm not feeling it in the bedroom, I'm then I'm not feeling it anywhere else....💋
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