The Girlfriend Experience: hot and potentially a slippery slope

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  JustAManNextDoor

  4 months ago

  Isn’t it every man’s dream? The non-relationship relationship. All the good bits, none of the awkward or inconvenient ones, neatly left behind as we close the door. GFE and FWB both sit squarely in that space, and what about the boyfriend experience? Surely women aren’t immune to the appeal either. In my view, everyone in this lifestyle lives in the grey between black and white. Emotional breadcrumbs are inevitable; it’s how we connect as humans, even more so with those we’re intimate with. The lines are always blurred. What really matters is how we navigate the emotions, the interactions, and the consequences that come with them. Open communication and clear expectations about what we want are essential for everyone’s wellbeing. No one enters this space looking for extra baggage or hoping to leave someone emotionally compromised, but we’re only human, and sometimes it happens. Once again, another thought provoking topic Nightglider!

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  LandR202

  4 months ago

  Ohhh this is a very interesting topic… I spent 5 years navigating all this as a solo woman and I don’t think there’s any easy answers. I think we all delude ourselves to be honest. And I think the reasons are multifactorial. I think there’s a general cultural conservatism especially in Sydney. I do think patriarchy and misogyny create inherent tensions in human sexual behaviour that are bigger picture issues beyond the scope of your post. Except insofar as we internalise these beliefs so they seem “natural” However you didn’t ask about that … Ultimately what we do on here is incredibly intimate and intense even with all the “it’s just connection not relationship” BS we tell ourselves. We all walk a line. Just like the risk of a car accident increases with every drive, the risk of entanglement increases with every connection we make here. So I know I’ve offered the boyfriend experience unknowingly. I’ve been a sympathetic ear and surprisingly good fun and not the cold “older woman” who was just meant to offer a good time and who knew what she wanted… Tbh I think patterns become apparent when we can look back and impose an interpretive narrative. I don’t think it’s unkind or done with any malicious intent. I think most people are genuinely not trying to manipulate (I say most because there’s always going to be the exceptions). I think our hearts are always on the line and we balance a natural, healthy and normal need for intimacy and sexual pleasure with the reality of our lives and our capacity for relationships. We don’t always get it right. We probably don’t think it through enough. I know I didn’t.

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  PolyT73

  4 months ago

  Great question. I feel quite called out based on some past behaviour. Thankfully I've grown and learnt after some really messy situations. Blurred lines is the key term here. Unless there has been clear communication and setting of boundaries this type of behaviour and language will always cause damage. In my experience some people want this kind of emotional connection and experience. Whether it is a good experience or hurtful really depends on your emotional bandwidth. Your ability to take and enjoy the connection without putting up arbitrary walls whenever it gets too close for comfort. If you are able to hold that connection in a casual setting without then expecting it to include ownership or exclusivity (the standard societal relationship) then there is no issue. If you can't then that needs to be made clear very early on. Both parties need to be accountable for their part in the dynamic. Where I have come unstuck in the past is with partners where I am capable of the emotion but they clearly arent despite stating that they are. The learning for me has been to be really aware of emotional and behavioural cues vs what a partner says. And if anything doesn't feel right then communicate, explore the boundaries and if that isn't able to be reciprocated in a healthy way then the dynamic really needs to end. I guess what Im saying in summary is that the vibe isn't the issue as such, the issue will be the emotional bandwidth of both parties.

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  MsSuperFoxy

  4 months ago

  Boundaries are everything. I agree, no sleepovers, no exclusivity, no emotional dependence, and no expectations outside what’s agreed. I observe for signs if it’s tipping into something else. IE jealousy, entitlement, blurred boundaries, or emotional pressure. It's difficult for those who do not have emotional maturity as things then become messy. Clarity keeps it fun. Boundaries keep it sane. Ms Foxy

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  Fuckyousweetness

  4 months ago

  And we wonder why the concept of love is dead between man and women or women and man if you prefer.

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  selfless__lover

  4 months ago

  I think it really comes down to two things. Open and honest communication from the outset and clear healthy boundaries. We are all human and it is very easy to develop feelings for someone you feel comfortable with, attracted to and intimate with. And I mean intimacy in all forms not just sex. If both people are genuinely on the same page early on, communicate honestly and respect boundaries, it usually is not an issue. That said feelings do sometimes develop even when the intention was always just FWB or something casual. When that happens, communication becomes even more important. Both from the person who has caught feelings and the person on the receiving end. For me, that would usually mean reinforcing boundaries and being clear that it probably needs to end before it gets messy. We are only human. Daily contact, constant messaging, sharing every detail of your lives and spending too much time together can blur lines fast. I also think there is a real element of love bombing with some people who use that connection to hook others and gain leverage. Statements like “I have fallen hard for you” or “we should be exclusive” can sound genuine but if that person is manipulative or narcissistic, there is often no real intention to offer the same in return. Just my thoughts.

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  sublime

  4 months ago

  Well said gorgeous, you and I have had many discussions on this topic, can work if there’s an understanding,

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  Felicitous

  4 months ago

  I can only speak from my experience.. Both hubby and I each have long-term connections.. He's not a 'player' (hubby) and I'm not with a 'player'.. Our connections definitely blur the lines of intimate relationships.. from our perspective that's what makes our connections special. They aren't simply sexual. I adore the fact that hubby has found someone really special.. I hope he makes her feel equally so, without restrictions or conditions.. and I have that with mine. We are both extremely time poor. Coordinating rosters and separate time away (with respective others and their families and little people) does mean our partners see little of both of us, but this does not mean we are shirking the responsibility.. It certainly doesn't mean we don't care. Rather the opposite. I wonder for others, perhaps, genuine intimacy and care feels like it's being compromised because time is restricted... When it actually isn't. I think my other sees others.. it doesn't detract from my connection with him - so I would totally understand if so. I always feel valued and special when I'm with him and appreciate the daily contact and connection. Similar with my hubby I'd imagine and his partner... Time might be sparse but it's not because 'we want our cake' For me overnights are important.. where possible I also encourage that for hubby because I know how delicious it is to snuggle and wake up with another and I want his person to pleasure in that also (if she chooses to) We really harshly put all the responsibilities on men.. for sure I know both ways not everyone has good intentions and are not emotionally mature or aware... However I'm a really firm believer that 'feeling used' more comes from a place of not knowing ones own limitations and it's of course easier to make the other responsible for that. Sometimes in the process of discovering where those boundaries are can definitely feel like being 'hurt'. All of my 'negative experiences' were from me not really understanding my own. Thankfully no one was ever intentionally trying to hurt me. (I do know others have had a different experience - and I certainly don't want to invalidate that.. so just speaking for myself) I think we need to give ourselves and others more grace. Sometimes you're made to feel special because you are! Not for any other nefarious reason.. and maybe things don't progress in a linear fashion because needs change and can't be met.. not to hurt or invalidate but it is just a progression of any relationship. Set boundaries but if possible remain open to growing into someone without conditions... That is the most delicious connection (love) for however long or short if we allow ourselves to experience it! V

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  Notice_Me

  4 months ago

  Read this in a profile... might be apropos - "With a sex drive equal to my neurosis, looking for a second fuck buddy to ensure I don't develop feelings for my current fuck buddy 🙃"

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  9CHAMELEON6

  4 months ago

  People think having lots of options is enticing but at the end of the day it's hard to stay vigilant.When you are talking to so many individuals and people from here there and everywhere whilst they are trying to be that source of ectacy it becomes a roll of the dice essentially.As someone who has recently been bombarded mentally and emotionally manipulated it can be difficult to find that healthy next step.i personally just rather go without any interaction then open myself to risk in a compromised mind state .i do my due diligence on my end but undoubtedly there will always be something that ruins the experience .All I ask for is respect ,healthy communication, and specifically not someone who has malicious intentions behind actions and ,trys to break you , just so there every need is fulfilled but you are left more broken so why even bother risking it ....

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  mobydick4000

  3 months ago

  It always comes back to 'open and honest communication'. For the most of my dating I make it clear it's friend's with benefits, with emphasis on the friend's. So there is the development of connection, but it has its boundaries. If either is overstepping the boundaries or wanting more then what was discussed, then that needs to be communicated to see if there is a change in the relationship. I can do the friend's with benefits and sleeping over (which is great for the midnight or morning sex), but we're friend's. I have also fell into the situation where I set the boundary of friend's with benefit's, after a few weeks I then realised my feelings for this person had developed to become deeper which took me by surprise- I quickly realised she was an amazing woman. I knew I had to communicate this. She was clear on her boundaries, so we ended it. I never try to lead a woman on about what the relationship is and how it works for both of us. In fact I try to do this on or before the first date. Anything that comes along after not discussed, we raise with each other as a check in on boundaries.

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