F57
To Call or Disappear
May 02 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
I always leave it up to the guy, that is when it goes well and I want to see him again. I wait for his next call, quite often never get that call, sometimes do. But specifically referring to fb's ongoing guys, rarely have I ever ended it. Some I'd be happy to see once a month or once a week/fortnight for the rest of my life of course reality is that that's not going to happen. At some point, they will want to move on, I just keep the good ones for as long as I can, I hang on for grim death To answer your question, they just fall off the radar, times in between meets quite often gets longer, so it gives me some warning it's coming to an end, and eventually, no longer. It's hard sometimes but those guys I've seen over a long period of time hold a special place in my heart, and I'm sure they'll never forget me. Time just moves on, this is only casual sex. But IMHO it's not like breaking off a relationship. You might want to see them next, they might want to see you next week, either of you might not..............so you do or you don't, no explanation should be necessary. Things can also change quickly doing this, you or they can suddenly get busy and priorities change, all kinds of reasons. So for me personally, I miss them when they go, but don't need to be told of their intention to depart. Obviously I respect that wouldn't suit everyone To add, I have stopped a few myself, usually in the same way. keep in mind, mine are young, so long long term is never an option, they eventually get a gf or chicks their own age, have some fun with me for a while, some take a break, then come back much later and it cranks up again, all good. So long as the sex is good, I'll always take them back
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RHP User
10 years ago
Speaking for myself I think just disappearing is decidedly uncool. It's definitely not my style. Maybe that's another box to tick when checking the terms of engagement?
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aussian43
10 years ago
I would rather be upfront and honest. I have had one disappear off the earth, the others I am still in contact with and friends with, even though we no longer have the benefits together. Those are mostly because they are now in a new committed relationship. It was a bit of a kick in the guts when it happened the first time, was only a few days after my first ever hookup. Was a surprise for her as well when he came back into her life, she wasn't after a relationship. Was so tempted to be selfish and counsel her against it, but instead told her to grab the opportunity, or be forever left wondering what might have been.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Disappear without word! I realised though that there is a huge difference between a FB and FWB for me! As a FB, I was there just for the sex! They didn't owe me an explanation so it was fine. I did realise however that I don't like that situation, I prefer a FWBs, so when some of these FBs call 3, 6 or 12 months later, they get honesty from me! I feel that in my situation, FBs meant random hookup when the wife was away or they couldn't get anything better! If it ended with a FWB, I'd hope we'd built up enough trust to discuss that for whatever reason it wasn't working! I also look for single FWBs so I invariably know that when they find someone they want a relationship with, in most cases I'll have to move on! I'm very savvy and know when I have to move along, so I'll bring on the difficult discussions too :) Mary. Xx
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MissBishere
10 years ago
I have to admit to having been a ghoster on occasions and just stopping communication. Sometimes this is easier than dealing with the fall out which inevitably is either a complete an utter rant from the guy or ongoing messages requesting more information. These are from the ones I've been messaging with and have met only once or not yet met. If I had been seeing someone regularly I would expect to be told that they are moving on. Similarly if I was moving on I would tell them. If you have been that intimate with each other you should have enough of a friendship or rapport to be able to be upfront and honest about it. My last fwb moved on after a couple of months to a monogamous fwb relationship. He had said from the beginning that was what he was looking for and I had been clear that was not what I was looking for so it was an amicable parting and I was happy for him.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Bravo Mary!!👏Couldn't agree more! Mr K - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
10 years ago
ghoster and ghostee Really depends on the situation. As previously posted by others, to communicate it is best but sometimes it may not work. I did communicate it a few times, to end the fwb friendships but it was not taken well. Lots of whining, begging and then spite. Geez. It is not as though we were in a relationship? Just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. but I try to be honest and communicate it as well as I could. Just me. So now, I really dont take it personal if I dont hear from them after a meet . Was not meant to be. I am not sweating it and do get the picture. They have their reasons and I am not one to chase after people. I know when I am not wanted... Haha. And I do have a few fwbs so not really impacting me that much. It just annoys me that when they disappear, they come knocking back after 3-6 months as though nothing has happened. WTF.... Really now.... I will reply... maybe in 3-6 months via snail mail...
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RHP User
10 years ago
I really hate people who 'ghost' other people - disappearing without saying a word. I will always tell the other person if I don't want to it continue and I appreciate the same in return. The only exception I have ever made was when I felt - due to history with the person, that I would actually be in danger if I confronted the situation. Unless its a potentially dangerous situation I think - say something! its just good manners in my opinion.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Hotwives_Inc' Disappear without word! I realised though that there is a huge difference between a FB and FWB for me! As a FB, I was there just for the sex! They didn't owe me an explanation so it was fine. I did realise however that I don't like that situation, I prefer a FWBs, so when some of these FBs call 3, 6 or 12 months later, they get honesty from me! I feel that in my situation, FBs meant random hookup when the wife was away or they couldn't get anything better! If it ended with a FWB, I'd hope we'd built up enough trust to discuss that for whatever reason it wasn't working! I also look for single FWBs so I invariably know that when they find someone they want a relationship with, in most cases I'll have to move on! I'm very savvy and know when I have to move along, so I'll bring on the difficult discussions too :) Mary. Xx I'm really please you put 'in my situation' in here, because I seriously doubt my guys are fucking me because they can't get anything better
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RHP User
10 years ago
how different we all are
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skatters
10 years ago
im definitely a believer in letting the other person know... whether you are FWB or just FB. Just general courtesy to let the other know things have changed or not interested. It leaves the other wondering and usually continually texting and wondering what happened if you don't let them know.... and well I a FWB surely you can be honest with each other if your circumstances change. Recently had the msg to say things have changed, yeh its gutting. But much preferred than wondering what happened or what you did for him to disappear.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I did the whole ''ghost'' thing with a (very brief) FB last year, but as far as I was concerned she kinda-sorta deserved it. I work 4x 12-hour shifts in a row with very early starts and am usually knackered by the time I get home, just eat and go to bed basically. I explained this to her, that I would be incommunicado for those 4 days plus my first day off (to rest and recover), after that I would be fine to contact. As they say, in one ear and out the other with this chick. I'd be at work and just be carpet-bombed with phone calls (ignored and unanswered) and messages (polite responses from me to the effect that no, she could not come over as I was at work). All times, day and night. I finally had a gutful one day and cracked it with her via message as I was at work, like water off a ducks' back with her though - initially all ''sorry, lol'' but then she just continued right on. Figuring she clearly wasn't listening I just went all ''ghost'' and refused to acknowledge her messages etc. She got all shirty after about a week, during which I noticed a sudden upswing in traffic (that is to say a certain ute in particular) driving by my house. Eventually she just stopped though, thank god.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Love the feedback 😀 I know life here can become surreal to some and I totally understand its a fluid lifestyle, partners come and go, theres always something a little brighter/different/ more of a challenge just over the horizon but I still think good ole fashioned manners dont go astray. Especially if you have actually met ☺ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I always believe in being up front and honest from the very begining to the very end. Im am still friends with all fwb's and fb's a couple of them i am still very close friends with one i was even best man to her partner at their wedding. Just because the physical ends doesn't mean the friendship does i am there as a friend when they need whether that be as something as simple as hanging out or helping out. 😊
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RHP User
10 years ago
Dont sell yourself short i_touch_myself 😉😚
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RHP User
10 years ago
Ive had fwb's over the last few years. We've connected for a reason. Enjoyed experiences together, and then gone on seperate paths of self exploration. I am fortunate to have made solid friendships with some of these wonderful people. Even though we arent intimate any more, our friendship and support of our mutual lifestyle has grown. When things changed, its like we were both aware of it, and it was just happened naturally. On the other hand, Ive also experienced the ones that want the fwb experience.... But only on their terms and when they want it. God forbid if you text and ask if they want to get together over the next week. Generally you get a return text the next day,"Sorry babe, I didnt hear my phone, yeah Im pretty busy but will let you know." Yep Im over and out if they dont show some interest and a little bit of effort. If I get the text 3 months later of "hey babe, what you been doing?".... Well I havent been doing you, have I? Lol. And I wont be. But in saying that, its hit and miss if its gonna be a "boom" for both of you. Just dont bullshit and keep people hanging, just so you have a backup when you cant get anything and dont feel like a wank. Casual sex doesnt mean once every 6 months to me. But Im happy to say, Im either better with my selection process now, or Im attracting people that truely want the same as me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yeah thats extreme and just plain fucked up. Respect and boundaries for things like peoples family/work time is a no brainer. But sometimes thats what happens, and screws up something that could have progressed along nicely. And you would think that adults on sites like these would be a bit more understanding. But noooo.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Oh Miss Purple, You hit the nail right on the proverbial head!! "The ones that want the fwb experience. ..." but their ph is always flat or in the car etc! They need to clear up the difference between fb and fwb!! I very seldom initiate contact, I tend to just go with the flow but the odd time I do I don't appreciate being made to feel like an inconvenience. ...So its "Next!" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I know exactly what I bring to the table ...I'm one hot, voluptuous, sexy mess lol! I have no doubt though, that even I have been a plan C, D or E for some of these guys! I know exactly what their motivation is for that random message every couple of months and 'no thanks' not interested anymore! Unless it's a distance thing ( some very special people live interstate or hours away from me) it's the only legitimate reason for a long period of time between plays! Like Deep_purple has said, I too feel I'm better at selecting people, so FBs are a thing of the past for me ... Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Love it! Well said xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
That you mean it to end exactly...it's just that it doesn't happen again ..more "Not with a bang but a whimper" TS Eliot 😎 Q
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Hotwives_Inc' I know exactly what I bring to the table ...I'm one hot, voluptuous, sexy mess lol! I have no doubt though, that even I have been a plan C, D or E for some of these guys! I know exactly what their motivation is for that random message every couple of months and 'no thanks' not interested anymore! Unless it's a distance thing ( some very special people live interstate or hours away from me) it's the only legitimate reason for a long period of time between plays! Like Deep_purple has said, I too feel I'm better at selecting people, so FBs are a thing of the past for me ... Mary xx I'm happy for you, but do remember that's what makes you happy, I hope there's no judgement or implication that people who do have fb's are not as good at selecting people? That's the way I read your comment. You're never going to be Plan A or even probably Plan B for even an fwb, not unless you're in a relationship with them. But look, whatever works for you, I just get tired of the labels. I have sex, you have sex, others here have sex. Some need frills or more commitment in a sense, some don't, but don't assume that the connections and encounters I have with my guys for example (and I'm just using myself as an example) aren't incredible, each and every time, and that I'm not satisfied, because I most definitely am. I mean this with respect but I get tired of the fb vs fwb. Your remark about being better at selecting people. Better than?
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Appreciate a call with honesty, or a text at the very least, instead of disappearing! My last FWB disappeared on me without a trace, which made me wondered for a little while if I was only a FB to him! But then I figured that I was wasting my own time by dwelling on the wondering! So, I moved on and stopped replying to his texts when he resurfaced out of the blue! Some people (both genders) just need to learn to show others some respect! 😠 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I read hotwives_inc's post as meaning she's better at selecting potential fwb's better than she may have when she first started out. A personal reflection, not comparing to anyone else. Maybe i should refrain from commenting n let hotwives_inc tell u herself tho?
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RHP User
10 years ago
In response to the o.p, thankfully havent had to cross that bridge yet. Reading some of the posts above is a good reminder that i probably shouldn't leave it so long between msgs. I would hope that as a general courtesy either party would feel comfortable enough to let the other person know. Nice topic
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'IMYY4U' I always believe in being up front and honest from the very begining to the very end. Im am still friends with all fwb's and fb's a couple of them i am still very close friends with one i was even best man to her partner at their wedding. Just because the physical ends doesn't mean the friendship does i am there as a friend when they need whether that be as something as simple as hanging out or helping out. 😊 Can you come over so we can have a brief affair. After that, I have a couch I need to have carted away
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RHP User
10 years ago
I_Touch, I'd have no hesitation in having FBs, if I could see them regularly! I make no judgements about you at all in my posts! It was more a case of self reflection and my encounters with some guys have left me feeling that I'm 'just a hole'! It's only happened with FBs with me unfortunately! I'm always honest about what I want, they 'agree', we play! This is what happens next, I don't hear from them again for weeks or months later with 'hey babe, wanna catch up?' I used to say yes and the vicious, vacuous circle continued! Not any more, FOR ME! For me, I need the other connection, the friendship! I'd like return plays so that I get to know what they like so that I can please them and them me ;) So though I too hate labels, it is FWBs I'm after! I'm better now than I was two years ago at selecting people who meet my needs! I own how I feel, so I've adjusted how I play so that people I'm with get the best me possible! 😘 Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I think about it, in this world Ive created for my own needs, everything is done back the front from what I was used to. I now meet someone where there is a deffinate physical attraction where we are both(assumingly) on the same page with what we are looking for to satisfy our physical needs. We meet, feel a spark, lust, fuck each others brains out. Then.... We start to get to know each other. The little day to day things. What they like doing. What music they like. Food they like. For me, its all done backwards. I give the most intimate part of myself first, and then decide weather I will get to know them more personally after the sex, and if I will share more about my life. Pretty crazy when you think about it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Since I joined RHP Ive had a few FWBs. Three are still good friends and we keep in touch. The others I still chat to now and again, there hasnt been any "left in silence" moments yet. We parted due to circumstances, i.e. one moved away because of work. The others it was lack of time, when they were free I wasnt and vice versa. Id like to think that if someone wanted to move on that they would be honest about it and talk to me. I never see them as just sex objects and I hope that they dont look at me like that. They are friends too, I actually like them a lot. And before I get the "youre on a sex site, get real" retorts Ive always kept my friends close and just because I met some on here, it doesnt mean that they are just shagging buddies to me. I did cut ties with one guy, because I found out he had been arranging something behind my back that I told him I wasnt into. But I told him why I wasnt going to see him again, I wouldnt have just left him wondering why there was sudden silence?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'soretongue' In response to the o.p, thankfully havent had to cross that bridge yet. Reading some of the posts above is a good reminder that i probably shouldn't leave it so long between msgs. I would hope that as a general courtesy either party would feel comfortable enough to let the other person know. Nice topic No you shouldn't :P Lucky you're cute though.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I totally agree with you. I, like you agree that giving my body is not as intimate as sharing my brain. I think, perhaps thats how I ended up here. Its been a long time since Ive allowed myself to fully trust a man enough to share myself totally with and here I can find what I need without having to compromise myself - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
The intimacy isnt that hard to show someone. Its peeling back the thick layers of protection, one at a time. Thats truely being naked and vulnerable. Cant do it. Lolz. 😎
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RHP User
10 years ago
How few men have commented on this post, is it possible its a little bit confronting? Is it more a male behaviour than female?? 🙈🙉🙊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Are usually users in my opinion. Which is fair enough if all you want is sex, but from what I have seen from friends a man can often treat women quite appallingly when they "let" them back so easily. It seems a bit needy to me. I don't bother to respond back to most blokes if there is no friendship in between. The occasional how is it going or something like that. I have certainly done my share of the booty call thing myself, but not sure if I would have the guts to text someone after so long. Okay thought about. Yes, I probably would. Haha. Double standards on my part. 😇
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RHP User
10 years ago
and it wasn't actually a 'disappearing' as such. We'd played four times, and after I'd basically made the decision that things had changed for me, I stopped proposing sexual get-togethers. I kept chatting and facebooking, but because I never suggested another hook-up, and she never asked (invited) one the time between our communication just got further and further apart. I wouldn't do that now. Much rather call it, and leave things clean and clear - hopefully with no hard feelings... and have the same offered to me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't like it, but I can understand why some women do it, with the hassling they must get from some other guys. I don't do needy - so pleading, insults or threats are never on my agenda. If they're not into you then move on. There will always be another adventure waiting 😋 B - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Nar. Women just whinge about this sort of stuff more. 😁
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RHP User
10 years ago
That is totally down to chemistry !!! lots of chemistry - " i have to say something " No chemistry - " glad to be done with that " In between - how socially developed are you ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
True chemistry has a very distinct smell . Extraordinarily hard to find. In the mean time …… good chemistry is fun, lots of fun.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well thank you oh wise ones in the forum!!! Today I've learned that there is actually a word for disrespectful & ignorant lack of manners, its called "ghosting" .... I now understand when that term is used (ding dong the light bulb goes off hahahaha). So having been the one who has "ghosted" before, my conscience has caught up with me, and I have felt a sense of humanity just to say "thank you, you are wonderful, but us together ends here because........and wish them well" . I felt a sigh of relief, to take the time to reply to those messages that were in the too hard basket previously. And I think it shows respect for the time spent. When you are friendly or intimate with someone, it is a dignified way for both to be nice about the goodbye. To be the one on the receiving end though .....it's easy to say out loud and shrug it off, that the person was not worth your time and energy if they can't offer common courtesy to say it's time to part ways. But deep down, it can be hurtful to leave someone hanging...... Truth be known if one is feeling the connection isn't quite right, the other person can usually sense that at the same time anyway (or is it just us gals with our female intuition??). It really isn't significant what the reason is; met someone else, promotion at work, moving interstate, you have a terminal illness, the dog ate your homework, you're gay....what matters is that you were respectful to close the chapter with kindness. A grown up act or intent, deserves a grown up introduction, a grown up experience and a grown up closure.....with a smile!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Like most I have been on the receiving end and the instigator of poor communication, that I am sure of! lol I figure if you want to end something and/or they are steaming on ahead on their own tangent, I need to tell them ASAP in a very Black and White way. We all do not want to be rejected or disliked but I believe it is important to stop the denial about the situation in its tracks. I have gone quiet in the past when not interested and hope that it stays that way but if they do contact, I do set them straight once. If they ask "why" well I never answer those questions anymore! lol Those who ghost me, well they have their reasons and I hope they are okay and just not rude. I try to live with integrity but often fuck it up!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some people fade in then away and you realize they were Ghosts. Some people entertain you then vanish, these are the Magicians!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well said
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RHP User
10 years ago
"Ghosting" was a word used by Hamish & Andy for a skit where they followed random people on the street by walking immediately behind them, seeing how long it took for the person ahead to notice :) ... In other contexts, it depends. In my own life, I have normal platonic friends who do not bat an eyelid at how often communication happens, or how often we see each other. This includes old school mates, it doesn't matter if we haven't seen each other for years even, there's no issue when we catch up. For FWB or similar contacts, I try to go by how often we would communicate or meet generally. This includes how often people might respond to texts etc. This can give an indication as to how much contact is acceptable for something ongoing, and how long breaks in that contact can possibly be taken as a sign that both parties are slowly heading seperate ways. For a FWB, I try to keep up via text etc, and enquire about catching up again if it suits. But eventually if those messages aren't returned, and/or if meetups don't happen over weeks and lead into many months, eventually I just assume they are either no longer interested, are simply too busy, or have made different life priorites, or some other reason. I try not to enquire too much or push them too much, even though it might be something I have or haven't said or done, but I try not to ponder too much on it as it could possibly get me down. In the past I have been guilty of not giving the female (dating interest) enough space and ended up pushing them away, so now I just let them live their own life and involve me if they so desire. But I do know that sometimes the woman wants the guy to "take charge" to different levels, or like being chased perhaps, so maybe I simply haven't found the right balancing act for different individuals. In any case, I think some sort of closure is good but I would never push the other for it, because closure can mean I am not clutching at straws trying to come up with reasons why something has ended, or whether it has actually ended per se (and is not simply an extended break of little consequence). If it is something I have said or done, perhaps that knowledge would help me improve should I find someone else in the future, lest I am repeating the same mistakes. But that also shows some confidence issues, seeing as I may tend to assume it's me and not them or other circumstances. Yes, I know I over analyse things, so lately I am trying to just let things be, to simply appreciate the wonderful time/s I have shared with others, and not dwell too much on the past. On a related note, I did effectively finish a FB relationship about a year ago because I was concentrating more on a FWB that had developed, so I sent a message to her explaining that. Which we had both had talked about in person, that it was an acceptable reason. Having said that, we parted on the premise that she was still available if I ever needed some more "stress relief" ;) Ironic as that she was the only truly local person (quite close to me) that I had/have met on a regular basis so far via these sites.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kampalina' Well thank you oh wise ones in the forum!!! Today I've learned that there is actually a word for disrespectful & ignorant lack of manners, its called "ghosting" .... I now understand when that term is used (ding dong the light bulb goes off hahahaha). So having been the one who has "ghosted" before, my conscience has caught up with me, and I have felt a sense of humanity just to say "thank you, you are wonderful, but us together ends here because........and wish them well" . I felt a sigh of relief, to take the time to reply to those messages that were in the too hard basket previously. And I think it shows respect for the time spent. When you are friendly or intimate with someone, it is a dignified way for both to be nice about the goodbye. To be the one on the receiving end though .....it's easy to say out loud and shrug it off, that the person was not worth your time and energy if they can't offer common courtesy to say it's time to part ways. But deep down, it can be hurtful to leave someone hanging...... Truth be known if one is feeling the connection isn't quite right, the other person can usually sense that at the same time anyway (or is it just us gals with our female intuition??). It really isn't significant what the reason is; met someone else, promotion at work, moving interstate, you have a terminal illness, the dog ate your homework, you're gay....what matters is that you were respectful to close the chapter with kindness. A grown up act or intent, deserves a grown up introduction, a grown up experience and a grown up closure.....with a smile! Whatever works for you fine, and I appreciate you've seen it from both sides, however calling others disrespectful and ignorant? I wouldn't think of any of my previous guys as disrespectful or ignorant and I'm not disrespectful or ignorant myself. Some of us, and I'll steal a piece from countrytouch's post, simply appreciate the wonderful times we have spent with *insert whoever*. The detail matters not. I hold my guys in a special place in my heart, my memory, have felt close to each of them. All of the formality to me, screams 'relationship' or commitment, not something I need, perhaps you do need more of a commitment? Guys don't want the formal commitment, drama with casual sex, and it's just awkward (neither do I). Why fuss about it? And what have any of the things you said about the 'dog ate your homework' or 'moving interstate' got to do with you, how is that your business, you're not married to the guy? If someone has moved on and doesn't want to fuck you, big deal, I'm never exclusive anyway, are you? I think that's where the discrepancy is. Who's really ignorant here?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some other points to note here. As harsh as my response might seem, there are contributing factors that are individual and unique with every person. There are occasions when words would hurt more than no words. I currently find myself in that situation, as in I would be the one delivering the hurt. Closure isn't always best. Sometimes it might be appropriate, sometimes it's worse. But labeling/name calling people for their choices isn't necessary IMHO
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RHP User
10 years ago
I_Touch I totally understand how you appriciate your guys. You are a glass half full person..... Dont hear from them? Doesnt matter because it was an amazing sexual experience and I will never forget it. You take the positive in any circumstance. A trait that I wish I had, dont ever loose it. Then theres the Kampalina perspective.....Dont hear from them? It was an amazing sexual experience, why dont they want to explore that with me again? They told me when we were parting ways that it was awesome and they cant wait to do it again...."I will call you babe...." Then not a sound is heard. The bastard was texting me constantly for a week when he was hunting me, no... not a word.A negative glass half empty reaction. I can be the glass half empty attitude in this scenario. Cant be helped when I start looking for a reason why they dont show the same courtesy they did "pre sex". Then I get negative thoughts. So it all comes down to personal views and interpretation. I can be both, but generally lean towards the negative thoughts when they fly off the radar with a ppfftt.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree. Hasnt happened to me yet, but if I shared my body with a guy and we had a few fun times together, I would find it disrespectful if he disappeared without so much as a "it was fun but time to move on". Im not looking for a relationship but I dont want to feel like a hole to be filled either. We are all human beings, not sex toys that can be used and discarded xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Doesn't it depend on the type of hook up that you have and the expectations going into it. If the intention is for a one off or fuck buddy arrangement then no follow up doesn't bother me. If you both started out thinking it may turn into a friendship FWB situation, or both have stated that's what you after, then I think it's reasonable to expect some communication if you have met up and had sex a few times. Depends, if don't want to hook up again I wait... If I haven't heard from them after a few days I assume they aren't keen either and I leave it at that. I am secret relieved I don't have to "deal" with it. :)
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Some people just do not want to place themselves in situations that they feel for them will be uncomfortable, (they shut down), so they avoid by ghosting behavour. I believe, as technology is moving rather fast and dating apps are becoming the "norm" meeting people, it is becoming, just easier to met then move on-there's always another waiting. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
- thank you xxx (awesome Divinyls song comes to mind with your profile name - love it)I_touch_myself2 Yes really I-Touch - my comment was not intended to offend you in any way, I do apologise as it seems to have hit a nerve. I am sure that you do hold your guys in a special place in your heart - and I'm sure that they would know that without words being exchanged. Please note, it was not name calling on you or a particular person, the description of ignorant & disrespectful was about the behaviour not an attack on a person. As you agreed with Countrytouch's comment "simply appreciate the wonderful times spent together" is not the outcome when the behaviour is leaving one person hanging. "how is that your business, you're not married to the guy? If someone has moved on and doesn't want to fuck you, big deal" What the f*#k? It is not from a dramatic space when a little common courtesy is given and not received. Something needs to be ended to move on. Ghosting someone is not an ending it, it is not a closure with kindness. And yes you are absolutely right - there are contributing factors that are individual and unique with every person, The original post was about how the fb or fwb ends the liasion as it would be different if it was a one off as opposed to a longer term liasion. But both can still have a grown up closure with a smile. If you have spent say 6 months in a non-committed and non-monogomaus liasion with someone, don't you think its possible this can be received as ignorant and disrespectful behaviour to the relationship, to ghost them or vanish without a word. I can understand that you are currently in a situation where you feel words will hurt more than no words as I too have also experienced that predicament in the past. My conscience did get the better of me then though, and I found a way to give that closure by validating the appreciation of the time spent together and closing that chapter with kindness. Without hurting that person I managed to give the grown up experience a grown up closure.....with a smile! Treating others how you would like to be treated in the same situation is pretty important. As Countrytouch mentioned "If it is something I have said or done, perhaps that knowledge would help me improve should I find someone else in the future, lest I am repeating the same mistakes. But that also shows some confidence issues, seeing as I may tend to assume it's me and not them or other circumstances". Feedback or communication is not a criticism, in fact it is just about clarity and perspective. When you have that nice closure it provides growth on the journey Deep_Purple - thank you xxx Kokoflamingo - thank you xxx Countrytouch - thank you xxx Over a period time, I have been really blessed to have met some wonderful people, and have valued friendships from an intimate liasion from the ending being respectful. The example I was thinking of was with a person that I could not even consider suitable together for a committed or longer term relationship with. it was a fun and casual relationship only , so the point is not why it ended it was how it ended was disrespectful. And ironically from a person that initially conveyed: respectful, upfront and honest and not into games, yet in the end, it was more of a head fuck than a fuck. " I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together " MARILYN MONROE
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RHP User
10 years ago
The op asked about fb/fwb scenarios. Not really covering the one off or bonk at a party/venue, where it shouldnt matter if you dont contact them again, as there was no expectations.But its generally part of the conversations and expectations or ideals put forward before and during the ongoing meetings.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't need anyone to tell me to be a grown up, thanks though, you proceed however you wish, I'm happy for you
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RHP User
10 years ago
One off hook up or a fuck buddy arrangement which to me is often like one off hook ups just with someone you have on speed dial. The booty call guy. So apologies for not expressing myself well. FB's come and go and sometimes disappear of the radar. I would not expect a call to say not going to hook up again. That's just me tho.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' if I shared my body with a guy and we had a few fun times together, I would find it disrespectful if he disappeared without so much as a "it was fun but time to move on". That sums it up beautifully and that's really what it comes down to for me, it blows my mind that I shared the most imitate part of my body with someone (often for an extended period of time), but they can't even send a simple message.
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RHP User
10 years ago
It truly amazes me how we can all see the same words but interpret them totally differently. Miss Purple, I yhink you're right, us females are just bitchier 😜 (joking everybody, don't shoot me) Kampalina, Your words were very thoughtful and really struck a chord with me, thank you 😀 Mrs Foxy, thoughtful as always. Miss IV, I think your last paragraph answers my question perfectly xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Your eyes meet each others profile. You exchange messages, maybe talk on the phone. The communication is regular. The first meeting goes very well. I hope they like me. You hope it goes to the next level. WOW, it does and it is HOT and Passionate. It happens again and again, we talk, we laugh. Then POOF! They disappear. Was I more into them, than them into me?
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