F58
is love a decision or a feeling?
November 08 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I hear you on this one. I thought is this love? Can I live without the passion? The answer is no, but we can compromise in a lot of ways if we have too. The passion knock your sox of pin me to the bed sex is fantastic and I love it but I love that from lovers, hot uncomplicated lovers. Love can start out hot and finish cold, I do not think it goes the other way. Well not in my experiences , good loving and sex has to have chemistry Like you say if its just a decision you make then there is no chemistry. There is reason and yes there can be emotion, as to this guy makes me feel all safe and warm fuzzy. I had a decision to make and I did it, I got divorced and made up my mind to really enjoy myself sexually and not give rats arse about love. On the way I did fall in lust, and I kinda like that. Secondly, I fell in love with myself and being a passionate woman. There are many many men and women on here who love their partner, but its not enough at times. Sometimes we have to divide or love or lust and try to get a bit of both in our lives and it may not always be with the one we love.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Falling in love is definitely a feeling. There's a line in Pride and Prejudice that I explains it for me "I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." Have meet some lovely guys that I know would make perfect husbands/fathers and felt nothing for them and meet guys that I know are bad for me and fallen head over heels! Think its part of the attraction, having no control over who you feel that for, the thrill and excitment, the wanting them constantly and never getting enough. Falling out of love is a whole other kettle of fish though, having just ended my marriage for my own sanity, I chose to fall out of love - I chose to live.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Right place. This needs to be done by mutual agreement howeve it is great to allow each other to express special feelings of love, affection and more (at any timw) without come back later. To act and feel just like being a regular a couple even though there is no prior agreement to a relationship I think Love is both a decision and a feeling. Both evaluations are dome mentally. Its a package too With NSA its dwfinitely to have those special feelings. flutters, care, support, wanting to please.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Often love can be evaluated as a set of values that a person attributes to the person they love. What that person does with them, does for them, makes them feel, treats them, compliments them as a statement of who they are and many more. . But what if that special person falls out of favour, where is Love then?
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's cognitive recognition of both... I think.HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
its a feeling.......or a realisation of a feeling.......you cant decide to love someone.....that will only ever be something contrived.......
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RHP User
14 years ago
Love grows over time.......if we allow it. It is aided by allowing ourselves the time and space to get to know someone or even just as simply letting them dwell on our minds. We go through our daily lives meeting many people and never give them a moments thought. It is only those that we ALLOW the space in our minds that are the ones whereby a relaionship, even if only one sided, can develop. Many people will rave on about how they "knew" within an instant of meeting that s/he was "the one" In my opinion that is plain romantic clap trap. How can you know? Not possible....as real love requires more than just a chemical reaction to an attractive person. It requires depth and knowledge of that person garnered over time. I am not talking about the love of a parent for a child here either....nor am I talking about sexual love making. Yes we may react to certain people and feel that we want to know them better. This instant attraction is lust. Lust can and does grow into love....again over time. Falling in love with a married man/woman "because I just couldnt help myself" again IMO utter rubbish. If it is not going to be an appropriate relationship...back away....do not allow yourself the time with this person or the headspace. Move on. It has been my experience that when you do fall in love with someone...deeply an irrevocably in love...nothing will change that. It will not die, even when the person who evokes the feelings does. Lust can and does last a long long time. Lust will make us blind to the real person where as with love the blinkers are off and acceptance of faults is paramount. Loving someone and being in love are two entirely different things again. Being in love can and does wear out. This is where many mistake the feeelings. They are in love and so they get together, maybe get married and sometime down the track they are no longer in love and that is okay. They move on. When you love someone, the love continues to grow. So I guess there are three states...being in lust...being in love... and loving someone. We make the decision, consciously or unconsciously, to fall in love but loving someone is a whole different story all together.
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RHP User
14 years ago
The butterflies in your tummy are the first flutters of attraction ...The tingle down your spine is luminescence... the heady lusty stuff... that may, or may not, lead to loveLove lingers and grows...lust is not as deep and passionate...love satisfies more than one appetiteThe decision to commit to someone you love is easy...putting in the hard yards when the passion is weighed down by everyday life is the tricky bit :) Reigniting the spark is delightful
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RHP User
14 years ago
Beautiful post Fionabee - beautiful Love ...so complicated and yet so simple... Ive loved, been in love, and lost love (like we all have) ....for all the pain it has caused, Im so glad to have encountered it. Imagine a world without it
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RHP User
14 years ago
Its a bit of both and intution / gut feel as well.
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RHP User
14 years ago
To speak of love is to speak of a powerful force within you. It has the power to elevate your spirit to dizzying highs, and in the next second, plunge you into the depths of a personal hell. It can wash over you like the gentle swell at the beach, or tear away your soul like a tidal wave. To love someone completely is the easiest thing in the world, and the hardest.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Love is the calm of a boat at anchor. Love is the kindred soul who proved you were not alone. Love is giggling at laughing eyes about to tell a well polished tale. Love is celebrates the untamed soul. It moves on from failure with hope and joy. It breaks hard old shells. Love completes
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RHP User
14 years ago
As an Example I Love the way people try to define Love, that's a thought but it's still a loving thought.Love is a very individual , its a feeling, a thought, a choice ,a force, a decision,an action, and a knowing.Love can be instant,a surprise,grow over time and make the world go around.Love is Many things.I do not dare to assume what Love is.The only thing i do know when i comes to thoughts of another,is thatIf you can not get someone out of your head,maybe just maybe they are supposed to be there.......Love Nudie....
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RHP User
14 years ago
It starts with the decision to both fall in love and allow yourself to be loved, once you do so, and its reciprocated (hoefully) you FEEL it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Dilemma is a Greek word for two premises. It is transfixing and distracting to word a question with two pre-defined answers - it makes people choose rather than consider their own thoughts and feelings. It's like choosing between the horns of a bull, when there are other choices available (any Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance readers here...??)So, is love a decision or a feeling? I believe it is neither. Both are part of it, but love is not simply one or the other.As usual, the Beatles had it sorted:Love is real, real is loveLove is feeling, feeling loveLove is asking to be lovedLove is youYou and meLove is knowingwe can be.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am with Fionabee on this one. The chemical, hormonal reaction is the Lust. This is the instant tingling feeling that MissSmiles has when she sees her bad boy. Nothing thought out here, just pure lust. There is nothing wrong with lust. If it were not for Lust none of us would be here. But recognise it for what it is. If your lucky, that Lust can turn into Love. Love can develop in many ways, but it "develops". It takes time. It is the development of trust and acceptance of eachother. The creation of a bond between you that transcends mearly caring about someone. Imagine spending many years trying (and failing) to find love with many partners. Then at the end you look about and find a special person that has stood with you and supported you through the highs and lows. They were "the wind beneath your wings" as the song goes. Even if you have never had a sexual thought about that person can you seriously say you don't "Love" them? Yes, this does mean I believe that Love can exist totally seperately to sex. There are a few very special people that I have known over the years, both girls and guys. I will say openly that I Love them, very much. I would do absolutely anything for them if they asked, because I know they would not ask unless it was truely important to them. Would I have sex with them? The girls probably yes, the guys no. But I don't Love them any less. Which leads me to finally answer your question as I see it. Love is an emotion, a feeling, one that grows over time. But recognising it and acting on it are both conscious decisions.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I honestly believe that 'Love' is something we are made to believe exists, it is afterall a decision made to give yourself to someone, to open up, let go and be free and honest with them Is it an emotion, like happyness, sadness or anger. I think not. Can it be controlled, yes. I believe so. Therefore it becomes an informed decision based upon information at hand. Just my 2c's anyways. This is def one to ponder over a few bottles of red... Xx K
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thinking about love brings out the poets and airy fairy words in people.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I really appreciate the time you've all taken to reply with intelligent and considered responses. Like Fiona, I love the poetry that's been evoked by this topic, love the quotes from the Beatles and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance :-). It's great to have an intelligent discussion about the distinction between love and lust, and the love we have for our friends - so, thank you Moment In Time. Like you too, Tuscan, I've made a decision to explore my passionate side, after being told for so long that I mustn't have one, if it couldn't be evoked with the person I was committed to. RHP is full of surprises and I am enjoying the journey... :-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
isnt it a Drug or has Brian Ferry been lieing to me all these years?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Everyone feels and interprets love on their own manner... some maybe sum things up and say yeah I guess Im in love...other have a deep feeling ...either way, love is a dangerous word in these parts of the RHP woods ;)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Perhaps loving someone is Loving them for ALL they are, AND, ALL they are not. The ALL of them. Being we are the only creatures that experience love (all other affection from all other creatures is conditioned response - sorry dog lovers) then that sets us apart from everting else on the planet. The artist formerly known as Prince says "Love is puppy breath", Allanah Miles says " Love is what you want it to be and heaven to the lonely" so love is many things to just as many people.
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RHP User
14 years ago
you cant 'make' yourself love anyone...so theres no decision involved....you either do...or you dont. it either happens.....or not. and you know, when you feel that love.......
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RHP User
14 years ago
Both
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RHP User
14 years ago
once read article from a woman from an arranged marriage country that they learn to love their partner so she believed it was stronger than western ideas. less whimsical perhaps? but for me, i think it is something you have no choice in. the closest i have ever felt to someone is with someone i've never slept with, we cant be together and i wish i didnt like her, but it is something i dont have a say in.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I believe love to be a feeling. You cant "choose" to love someone, you either do or you dont. There is no decision really. You can tell yourself a million times that the person you love is wrong for you, but how many of us can just walk away? If it was a decision it would be easy to leave, unfortunately its not. It is a feeling that takes over all of our senses and really is the most amazing feeling in the world, so strong and powerful. How many of us have also told ourselves that our partner is perfect for us in every way so we can just learn to love them eventually? You may come to love and care for them in some way, but true love is something that we have no say in
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RHP User
14 years ago
Because you have undoubtedly heard this:4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Having just gotten out of a 6 year relationship which for me started as a decision to have a quick fling and rapidly turned into my only true relationship I can say my decisions and my feelings where very much opposed. We are still in love now but have made the decision that we shouldn't be together, it's a hard decision and once again one opposed to my feelings. Love is when the person your with makes you feel like you can honestly achieve your dreams, that your supported and that you can fail and try again. Those are things you cannot make decisions about in my opinion.
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