F54
just a thought...
August 08 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
I dont want kids so it simple for me and before i get the right to lifers telling me I am killing a life people this is my body my choice...and am happy to agree to disagree with you on this point i would 'fix it' as you so eloquently put it. I have no desire to have a child in my life, nor do I have a desire to be tied to someone that I know isnt going to make me happy or if its the case someone I dont really want ot have in my life in such a permanent role. I couldnt give the child up for adoption and by carrying a child to full term I would then feel obligated to telling the man involved so for me the choice is an easy one. No I wouldnt tell the man involved before or afterwards as this I feel is something that he most likely doesnt want to deal with either. Again its my body my choice Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
This is a hard one.... At the end of the day it is ladies choice... I suppose you have to ask yourself? Are you ready for this life altering addition... What DO YOU want? Is there anything to be gained by telling him? What do you expect from him when you do tell him?....... will you be ready for his answere? Do you think he'd like to/ or would want to know? Just don't have any expectations, and decide what you want to as there is no right or wrong answere. (In my opinion).
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RHP User
15 years ago
Okay I'll be game and answer this purley JMO and if it happend to ME. Personally I would fix it but thats me. But it depends on your religious beleifes. I'm not religious so that doesn't come into it with me. I suppose you need to answer some questions for yourself . Would you like a child or another 1 at this stage in your life for me No. Would I tell no I wouldn't, purley because it was only a w/e of fun and nothing more. I'ts my body and i'll do what I please. That is what I would do if it was me but it's not me, so only the person going through this can make these choices. If you choose to keep it I would then tell the other person. YES I would defeniatley have the discussion. There's lots of questions here to be asked who else does this decision effect ?? Other children ? Spouses? LIKE I STATED JMO Pips ducks for cover
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think the father has the right to know, and at least some input. I know i would want to know. It is after all partly the males genetic material.Besides whatever the decisions about to be made he should be there to support you emotionally and financially.Plus in the advent of a decision to keep the pregnancy going, there are good medical reasons to have the father involved even if at arms length.Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CountG' This is a hard one.... At the end of the day it is ladies choice... I suppose you have to ask yourself? Are you ready for this life altering addition... What DO YOU want? Is there anything to be gained by telling him? What do you expect from him when you do tell him?....... will you be ready for his answere? Do you think he'd like to/ or would want to know? Just don't have any expectations, and decide what you want to as there is no right or wrong answere. (In my opinion). wow im surprised a man said that...thanks CG very very interesting...but just a question...from the mans point of view, would you like to know or not???? roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
from the second you discover you are pregnant .. its not a miniscule spec you carry but for most of us .. its a child... its our future.. it is the son daugher we have that gives us grand children.. Im not sure too many of us that are mothers can say anything different.... so really its not that easy ... Clearly this is not a child that would be conceived out of love and devotion and great desire .. its a child that comes as shock to mum and a great bloody shock to dad .. A one night stand throws a whole different perspecrtive .. and if this is the case .. you have to decide what you wish to do .. and then ... ease into tellig mr weekend he is about to be a dad .. and that together you have a future ... as a mum and dad .. and really as two possible strangers nothing else matters.. if you decide a life is created and continues then you need to act as two parents .. for a childs sake .. I think we in this generation owe it to the next ... Im not sure what I would do in this situation .. but as a divorced mum with two kids .. I can say my ex and I have a great relationship as a mum and dad .. we share our kids .. we pride ourselves as beng good parents .. mostly because we are civiil .. hell despite all else .. i think he i a great dad.. what ever decision you make . remember a child comes because of two people .. children desereve two parents .. and dads are super important ... i its late Debs message is now complete and all the best to you xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
wow ... tough one i am pro choice ... what will work for one will not work not another but personally ...... i think i would have it ..... and yes would prob tell the father(only cos i think that is the right thing) .....but give them choices ..... it takes 2 to make a baby ..... you get a choice and so should they ..... i think things happen for a reason ..... sometimes it just takes awhile to figure that reason out
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RHP User
15 years ago
Im with focus here, I have never had the wish to be a parent, now or in the past. I have made it me responsibility to ensure this doesnt happen to me. Still, if the little accident was to happen then termination would be my answer.ASAP, STAT,NOW.Maybe I'd tell the bloke, I might want some one to hold my hand while the premed kicks in and make another one aware that child prevention is a two way street.Gourmet
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sassy i agree i have kids...but is another man really needed in life to get in the way??? i raise my kids myself...is another wanted does the man have a right to know??? does he have a right to know if the baby is terminated??? financial and emotional support is not wanted...so does he need to know anything??? the weekend was wonderful...but when asked to spend more time together...he was busy confustion is rampant roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
But I do believe it is his business if a child is born I think more so because it can be tough on kids to not know where they belong and why one parent is not involved. Ultimately Its a females choice, her body to make the decision... Im sure as hell glad I was never in the situation to ponder it.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' Quoting 'CountG' This is a hard one.... At the end of the day it is ladies choice... I suppose you have to ask yourself? Are you ready for this life altering addition... What DO YOU want? Is there anything to be gained by telling him? What do you expect from him when you do tell him?....... will you be ready for his answere? Do you think he'd like to/ or would want to know? Just don't have any expectations, and decide what you want to as there is no right or wrong answere. (In my opinion). wow im surprised a man said that...thanks CG very very interesting...but just a question...from the mans point of view, would you like to know or not???? roxxy Roxy... That a question!! They say ignorance is bliss... but something as major as this?..Part of me says no; and part says yes. All I can say, if I am told...then I'd like to think I could be supportive in what everway she might need. But..there would be a lot of soul searching. CG
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes, I say tell him. It does take 2 after all. What happens with this is totally up to the woman. If she wants to abort, that is her right, if she wants to keep it..that is her right too. But remember, asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of. Only she will know what to do..the rest of us can only give advice and to be there for her. xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sassy its a hard situation to ponder. of that im sure Funloving honey im sorry i make your head hurt....my head hurts too haha...but thats my own doing lol thanks CG and Nev for giving me your male opinions i love this place...so much support and good advise roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hmmm...tricky one...This seems to occur a lot. Women seem to think that because they are carrying the child somehow it's "theirs" with nary a thought for the father.Newsflash people - the woman wouldn't be carrying said offspring if it weren't for the male - end of story. To continue with the pregnancy or to abort is the decision of both - again end of story.Whether you choose to abort or not, well, ultimately as it's your body, and as such the father has no real choice in it but...this isn't "your" (singular) child, it's your (plural) and as such both parties deserve a say in the matter.Imagine for a moment, if you got pregnant and then carried on with a termination without telling the father. Imagine how he might feel to learn that you arbitrarily terminated his child - a child that both of you created.I'm not ready; he's not right for me; it was a mistake...are some of the reasons why. Tough shit - shoulda thought of that before taking that path.It's a joint decision - that's all there is to it, really. Just as the father cannot (and should not) demand you terminate, you equally should not have the right to make that decision without consulting him.If you don't like it - don't play with fire.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mutters'Hmmm...tricky one...This seems to occur a lot. Women seem to think that because they are carrying the child somehow it's "theirs" with nary a thought for the father.Newsflash people - the woman wouldn't be carrying said offspring if it weren't for the male - end of story. To continue with the pregnancy or to abort is the decision of both - again end of story.Whether you choose to abort or not, well, ultimately as it's your body, and as such the father has no real choice in it but...this isn't "your" (singular) child, it's your (plural) and as such both parties deserve a say in the matter.Imagine for a moment, if you got pregnant and then carried on with a termination without telling the father. Imagine how he might feel to learn that you arbitrarily terminated his child - a child that both of you created.I'm not ready; he's not right for me; it was a mistake...are some of the reasons why. Tough shit - shoulda thought of that before taking that path.It's a joint decision - that's all there is to it, really. Just as the father cannot (and should not) demand you terminate, you equally should not have the right to make that decision without consulting him.If you don't like it - don't play with fire. What if i was to consult said man involved and he was compltely against terminatoins, forbid me to go ahead with it...what then? I dont want kids its thats simple but if the man involved was so against terminations and I went and did it anyway which would hurt more? Wouldnt you rather go on in blissful ignorance than have something like that on your concience (MrsC?) or to feel that your wishes werent taken into consideration? This is a one night (weekend) stand not a life long committment to each other why turn it into one? Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Do tend to think that prevention is better than the cure... but having said that I've found the occasional condom slipping off after very vigorous sex, particularly if it contain a fair amount of natural male lubricant. So back up contraception is a valid idea. Having said that, for some strange reason I kept meeting ladies who have had a hysterectomy. One wanted to test out her plumbing six weeks after the operation by having very vigorous sex. (She had one of the new technique jobs where the operation is done through the vagina). I digress... Do think it much better if there is no need for an abortion... using it as a form of contraception seems irresponsible to me. Just mulling the prospects of Gourmet_Lady still having her girlish figure if she has not born a child. Wish I still had my boyish body... in fact some may be mistaken and think I'm pregnant. :(
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mutters'Hmmm...tricky one...This seems to occur a lot. Women seem to think that because they are carrying the child somehow it's "theirs" with nary a thought for the father.Newsflash people - the woman wouldn't be carrying said offspring if it weren't for the male - end of story. To continue with the pregnancy or to abort is the decision of both - again end of story.Whether you choose to abort or not, well, ultimately as it's your body, and as such the father has no real choice in it but...this isn't "your" (singular) child, it's your (plural) and as such both parties deserve a say in the matter.Imagine for a moment, if you got pregnant and then carried on with a termination without telling the father. Imagine how he might feel to learn that you arbitrarily terminated his child - a child that both of you created.I'm not ready; he's not right for me; it was a mistake...are some of the reasons why. Tough shit - shoulda thought of that before taking that path.It's a joint decision - that's all there is to it, really. Just as the father cannot (and should not) demand you terminate, you equally should not have the right to make that decision without consulting him.If you don't like it - don't play with fire. Don't play with fire you say...okay then...obviously you need to read condom packets (which are not 100% efficient and there are problems with other contraceptives too. When I was 15 I had a blood clot in my leg...therefore...have never been allowed on the pill! My daughter was born with the IUD in her hand..(she still has a light scar too) and my son was born when we were using condoms AND he withdrew each time... So...where is the fire?? The world is not just black and white....there is some grey and rainbow colours in between!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
If I decided to keep the baby (or adopt out). In that case he'd have to know so you can find out genetic history blah blah. Also, he is also responsible for child support in that situation too. If I decided to terminate then he doesn't need to know, I'd take care of it and he can live in blissful ignorance.
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RHP User
15 years ago
There are teenage girls who are determined to make a career out of having babies... Often somewhat indiscriminately with a different bloke each time. It may seem a simple way of earning an income courtesy of welfare, particularly if teenage girls encounter less birth complications than women closer to menopause. One of the consequences is determining the family tree and someday the offspring inadvertently marrying a half sister or first cousin. Another problem is that some of the less bright breed like rabbits whilst the more intelligent are busy pursuing a career, and often end up childless. One day the morons might inherit the earth and the Neanderthals will once again roam our planet.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'eunuch' There are teenage girls who are determined to make a career out of having babies... Often somewhat indiscriminately with a different bloke each time. It may seem a simple way of earning an income courtesy of welfare, particularly if teenage girls encounter less birth complications than women closer to menopause. One of the consequences is determining the family tree and someday the offspring inadvertently marrying a half sister or first cousin. Another problem is that some of the less bright breed like rabbits whilst the more intelligent are busy pursuing a career, and often end up childless. One day the morons might inherit the earth and the Neanderthals will once again roam our planet. Judmental much?? Why is it the teenage girls fault? It takes two to lay down and make a baby...and if the male is stupid enough not to put on a rubber he is just at fault!! My 12 year old son has known about sex and condoms since he was 9 and not only for protection against pregnancy (he knows the effeciency rate of them too), but for diseases as well!! I think it comes down to parents being open and honest to their kids too. Dont just put this on the kids...sex ed is bullshit in this Country! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
im not sure if iv just been insulted or not there...but thanks for your opinion Eunuch for one...two lots of controception were used...the pill and condoms secondly...teenager, less bright, moron??? come on now...sometimes things happen that are out of our control so come on now....give a girl a break roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'SWEETIEPIE2010' I could never "fix it", never in a million years. Not religious just have seen one filmed and vomited...have the image burned in my brain forever. Nope, don't want another child,yup would change my life but i would have the child. I did it, my responsibility to take care of it Mrs S xx been there myself...knew my ex for 7 weeks and i was 6 weeks pregnant...he moved straight in and the rest is a history i never want to repeat but....also i have had an abortion and once again not something i wish to repeat roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
I was speaking generally based on observation in my town. True it takes two to tango... but to never learn from mistakes does look suspiciously like intentional pregnancies. Five kids by five blokes one after the other. With girl after girl stuck in the same cycle. True there are no end of irresponsible dick-heads impregnating any sweet thing they can seduce, but then theres a few girls who are more than reckless. Girls were interviews on television about this phenomena and they were blatant about getting pregnant for the welfare... as if it was their right... rather than thinking about responsibilities. If everyone had that attitude, then where would the welfare funds come from? A lot has to do with how people are raised. People need the opportunities to reach their genetic potential both mentally and physically... so they can gainfully employ their talents for their own good and the good of society. Some people are on the bones of their bum due to adversity... from bush fires to retrenchment. Others thrive in the gutter, living either on welfare or street smarts. Often the street smart are very intelligent in their own way, whilst others are plain lazy and expect society to carry them through life. Some waste all their payments on booze and abuse their women. Seen it all... each time I came to town. Now I'm not trying to judge anyone here, particularly those I do not know. But there definitely is a strong element of truth in what I say.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I reckon you are spot on accurate in everything you say. Kerrie and i have had this very same discussion on a few occassions and itis certainly noticeable in small communities, perhaps better hidden in larger cities.The especially frightening thing is the very real likelyhood of related siblings who conceive without knowinghow closely they are related, truely a genetic nightmare in the making.I can't help but wonder if this is what religon set out to avoid with the whole marriage and fidelity thing!Ps good to see you contributing again man......its been awhile.Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'eunuch'I was speaking generally based on observation in my town. True it takes two to tango... but to never learn from mistakes does look suspiciously like intentional pregnancies. Five kids by five blokes one after the other. With girl after girl stuck in the same cycle. True there are no end of irresponsible dick-heads impregnating any sweet thing they can seduce, but then theres a few girls who are more than reckless. Girls were interviews on television about this phenomena and they were blatant about getting pregnant for the welfare... as if it was their right... rather than thinking about responsibilities. If everyone had that attitude, then where would the welfare funds come from? A lot has to do with how people are raised. People need the opportunities to reach their genetic potential both mentally and physically... so they can gainfully employ their talents for their own good and the good of society. Some people are on the bones of their bum due to adversity... from bush fires to retrenchment. Others thrive in the gutter, living either on welfare or street smarts. Often the street smart are very intelligent in their own way, whilst others are plain lazy and expect society to carry them through life. Some waste all their payments on booze and abuse their women. Seen it all... each time I came to town. Now I'm not trying to judge anyone here, particularly those I do not know. But there definitely is a strong element of truth in what I say. Pffftt and where are the interviews with the guys that impregnate these girls?? Or maybe that wouldn't get viewers. Give me a break!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
There's really not much else I can add to what I've already written...We are agreed that it takes both sexes to conceive, yes?It follows then that both parties have equal rights concerning the future of the would-be child. That's really, as I've said, all there is to it. One does not supersede the other.Straying into topics such as termination or no or the inadequacies of various types of contraception is missing the point. Whatever is ultimately decided should be decided by both unless one (the father obviously) surrenders that right freely.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thank you Nev for those words of encouragement. Here's something deep and meaningful for xFunlovingx to ponder... The Australian Bureau of Statistics has provided the latest figures for babies born out of wedlock, with Tasmania (50 per cent), Queensland (42 per cent), WA and SA both (38 per cent), New South Wales (30 per cent) and Victoria and the ACT both (28 per cent). In America 40% of children are now born out of wedlock. What an incredible death rate there would be if all these babies were aborted. Somewhere back in the dim distant past there is a very high likelihood that everyone now living on earth has descended from one or more persons born out of wedlock. Only one of those hypothetical ancestors needed to have been aborted for us not to be here today. Not only that but the world would miss on many famous people... Leonardo da Vinci (artist) William Shakespeare (playwright) Marilyn Monroe (actress) Eva Perón (Former First Lady of Argentina) Oprah Winfrey (personality TV hostess) Sophia Loren (actress) Henry Morton Stanley (explorer) Willy Brandt (German politician) Jack Nicholson (actor) David Bowie (singer) Eric Clapton (singer) Sarah Bernhardt (actress) George Foreman (boxer) Billie Holliday (singer) T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia) Tobey Maguirre (actor) Alec Guiness (actor) Isabella Rossellini (actress) Cesare Borgia (famous son of a Pope) Ramsay MacDonald (former UK PM) Fidel Castro (former president of Cuba)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Quoting 'eunuch'Girls were interviews on television about this phenomena and they were blatant about getting pregnant for the welfare... as if it was their right... rather than thinking about responsibilities. If everyone had that attitude, then where would the welfare funds come from? Pffftt and where are the interviews with the guys that impregnate these girls?? Or maybe that wouldn't get viewers. Give me a break!! xFunlovingx though it is only a single data point, and it is late so I won't jump into this thread with both feet - but I know at least one of these 'type of girls' (insert judgemental narrowing of eyes and accompanying music). One of my sister's former friends used to say she'd had her tubes tied/couldn't get pregnant/etc AFAIK she wasn't focussed on wringing support out of the blokes, but she certainly was into baby bonuses for a holiday to Fiji.I'm certain she is not the norm, but she is one of those easy examples (pun intended) to trot out to play along with the TodayTonight/ACA 'single mum baby factories rorting the system' stereotype.Anyway: back on the main topic - would people have a different answer if they just took a pill (RU486) or had to have the medical procedure done? (how widely is ru486 being used? I think a pill would go a long way towards removing the stigma associated with abortions, and I think along with that, much of the grief that some women feel afterwards. IMO a large component of that grief comes from the way abortions are thought of, it still has that shameful backyard coathanger association for many, but if you;re just taking a pill.. well.. that is much more 'normal'). Did that make sense?
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RHP User
15 years ago
At my age, I have only a 2% chance of getting pregnant. Not gonna happen!!! I am also a foster carer and in this society where everything is disposable, I raise the kids that are also disposable. I see the harm that is done to my poor little broken darlings. Abortion would be logical conclusion for me and no, I would not inform the father, the heart dont greive for what the mind dont know!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Ladies, I know contraception is meant to be a two way street and nothing is fool proof. But in all honesty we must take care of ourselves and not expect a man to do the job for us. No disrespect intended for the men in this forum and I know some amazing men but it is not our right as a woman to have a man look after us. (tonge in cheek) The poor male of the species is a mite confused, after all, he has two heads and usually thinks with the little head. (ducks and runs for cover)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Regarding this topic, each person in their own way has made valid statements and contributions here. Its a historic fact that many men have been massive fornicators without due regard for the consequences, and they've had no end of bed partners in crime. This includes royalty, popes and all manner of prominent people, not to mention the multitude of plebs who also participated en masse. We can moralise endlessly about the motives and it won't stop it happening whilst ever genitalia exists and people have a indiscriminate urge to exercise them. Science in recent decades has come up will newer solutions, of which most have an Achilles heel of some sort. From condoms popping, to complications with pills and devices, not all have been fool proof. Abortion ends up being the drastic last resort solution… though people are now using it first as the abortion pill. There was previously a stigma attached to children out of wedlock and it was a crime to abort, but society and the law is continually evolving, as is medical science, so old problems evolve into new issues. One day children will be born in an artificial uterus and men may no longer be required for fertilisation, but so long as we have our primeval urges we'll continue to do the deed. Maybe one day they'll manipulate our DNA to alter that. Or all male babies be given a vasectomy at birth. Alternately, female genes may be tweaked so they are born without a uterus, and instead employ an artificial one. Then all we need is for science to overcome all sexual diseases, and we'll finally find Utopia, bonker paradise. Meanwhile the populace is presented with these age old predicaments of which an endless permutation of possibilities exist from the various religious, moralistic and cultural constraints to outright hedonistic debauchery. Various trials are sent to test us throughout life, and how we negotiate them depends on the decisions we make over this perilous journey. Keeping a clear mind on this matter is further complicated by rampant hormones, alcohol consumption and the ever increasing tendency to indulge in artificial stimulants. Some people gain wisdom and learn from their mistakes, whilst others continually throw caution to the wind and suffer the consequences.
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Almost_Ready
15 years ago
If you decide to terminate no need to tell If you’re not in a relationship with him then it’s your decision.. However if you are in a relationship then he should be told and I personally would like to know. If you decided to keep the child then he has a right to know, I mean how would you feel if 20 years later someone taps you on the shoulder & says Hi Dad? Let’s face it, it does happen, the guy can walk away, or he may surprise you & be there for you in some way shape or form but you will bear the burden "so to speak" no matter what happens.. So the next question is. If you decide to keep the child & you don’t give him a choice, or he wants nothing to do with you or the child should he be held responsible for child support?? Cheers Oldog
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RHP User
15 years ago
shoot me!!!! my heads hurting im confused by all the advise roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
My take Your beautiful body, your choice. But if you take the power then you take the responsibility. If ya tell him, tell him of the decision you’ve made. Not an easy one darling. Let instinct take over. Mr Handle
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mutters'There's really not much else I can add to what I've already written...We are agreed that it takes both sexes to conceive, yes?It follows then that both parties have equal rights concerning the future of the would-be child. That's really, as I've said, all there is to it. One does not supersede the other.Straying into topics such as termination or no or the inadequacies of various types of contraception is missing the point. Whatever is ultimately decided should be decided by both unless one (the father obviously) surrenders that right freely.Thanks Mutters, enjoyed your thoughts
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee'Ladies, I know contraception is meant to be a two way street and nothing is fool proof. But in all honesty we must take care of ourselves and not expect a man to do the job for us. No disrespect intended for the men in this forum and I know some amazing men but it is not our right as a woman to have a man look after us. (tonge in cheek) The poor male of the species is a mite confused, after all, he has two heads and usually thinks with the little head. (ducks and runs for cover) Agreeing yet again (its a miracle!) FB, having worked in child protection for ten years & nursing before that, I witnessed way too many children born to parents who were either children themselves and or had no idea as to how to care and love the children they created. We can discuss this highly emotive subject & make gross generalizations or look at the stats & accept giving birth is a lifetime committment for the parents and family. Unfortunately, its a responsibility very few are adequately prepared for & accept. When you see a child failing to thrive due to malnurishment & lack of nurturing, a broken little body, and worse. you soon realize the futility in arguing whose opinion is right or wrong. I applaud those parents who love & care for their kids and do a darn good job at it. Roxxy, as Mr H says, let your instincts decide & have faith in yourself. xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hiya Roxxy :) ....freedom is a funny thing....we usually end up paying for the priviledge one way or another. Anyway, perhaps the best choices we make are the ones that we can live with...and accept...and in my experience it's the ones we make from the heart, the gut, the instinct (echo-echo to to the lovely Myname) that make for the best choices....coz my head certainly ain't logical when it's all emotional. And then of course there are variables at play when making choices...pressures mainly...pressures to conform, pressures to be right and ethical, pressures to be responsible for the outcome....or just simply, sometimes responsibility is pressure enough!!! So, how about this... visualise what you want (not want you don't want) - and make it happen. Own it...love it...live it (I didn't say you had to like it though ;-) Because....you CAN. Hugs Jx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Have various perspectives on this topic. Am adopted! and glad I was not a termination. My parents told me and my brothers as soon as we can remember and freely talked about it all out upbringing lives. So glad I was not terminated...but heck what would I know if I was... This is a really wonderful post and glad to hear and read all views. It's interesting to hear the guys view! Yeah it's my body yudda yudda although both parties need to know. xxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
OBS!! So great to see you back here!! God..Ive missed you!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'OneBrightStar' Hiya Roxxy :) ....freedom is a funny thing....we usually end up paying for the priviledge one way or another. Anyway, perhaps the best choices we make are the ones that we can live with...and accept...and in my experience it's the ones we make from the heart, the gut, the instinct (echo-echo to to the lovely Myname) that make for the best choices....coz my head certainly ain't logical when it's all emotional. And then of course there are variables at play when making choices...pressures mainly...pressures to conform, pressures to be right and ethical, pressures to be responsible for the outcome....or just simply, sometimes responsibility is pressure enough!!! So, how about this... visualise what you want (not want you don't want) - and make it happen. Own it...love it...live it (I didn't say you had to like it though ;-) Because....you CAN. Hugs Jx OBS - I demand a late note... you were coming to the drinks night babe and you didn't show.... I sure hope you were off having fun with your man and not home sick or something.... Nice to see you back hugs Wayne x
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RHP User
15 years ago
No bother, Myname...I think I've made my point.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Mynameonurlips' OBS!! So great to see you back here!! God..Ive missed you!!! me three...i was about to post the same thing and myname and Wayne beat me to it mwahhhhhhhh brightstar roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
oh such a difficult decision and definately not an easy one, you have to go with your heart and what feels right for you and only you i believe these things happen to us for a reasoni have a 5 yr old that was a big surprise hadnt had sex for 4 years had a one of with my ex and yes used contraception and was so shocked when i found out was pregnant. my ex did not want my son but i did it felt right. then at 8 weeks had a real nasty car accident and rolled my car 5 times out in the bush hours from any town.moral of the story is he survived and shouldn't have due to my injuries however he was obviously meant to be born. i raise him alone and wouldn't change it for the world.just for the record i have done the alternative and that was also right at the time,so i wish you the best of luck and sit in a quiet garden and let the answer come to you and it will be right whatever it is and what is meant to begood luck and big hug
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RHP User
15 years ago
oops put wrong name i said roxy and i meant TassieRose im soooooooooooooo sorry
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Goodvintage
15 years ago
Honesty paves a gracious destiny... Tell him because it was a mutual conception and he needs to know... It's nobody's fault... It could be a blessing... at least you will have a clear conscience, which will help you to make the right choices...
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RHP User
15 years ago
I am a firm believer that most things in life happen for a reason .... not religious at all but i believe that things happen to us to make us grow ... so that we learn ,.... or that our lives are enriched so that being said ...... and you have taken preventative measures to not get pregnant ..... and yet you still do ..... maybe it is for a reason ..... it just may not be apparent at this stage,... communication is the key to most things .... so maybe the same goes here..... find out how he feels ..... talk to him ... it may actually give you more clarity .....if he is a resonable guy , i am sure he wont make you do anything that u r not comfortable with just a thought
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RHP User
15 years ago
2 Adults enjoyed mutually satisfying time together.2 Adults co-created from this experience.2 Adults NEED TO DISCUSS what was created.2 Adults have a RIGHT to SHARE THIS KNOWLEDGE.2 Adults ultimately co-contribute to the outcome.1 Adult has the Final say as its "Her Body".Regardless of wth Choice you make its IMPORTANT 2 Adults are aware of what has occurred here.Good Luck!xoxox
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'jadeyred'oops put wrong name i said roxy and i meant TassieRose im soooooooooooooo sorry hey Jadeyred...dont worry about the name...its seems roxxy is here to stay...tried to kill her off and it just didnt work hahaha...so no need to be sorry thanks for you input though....you little one was ment to be, hold on to that xx thanks everyone for your help mwahhhhhh to you all roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hard choices ahead for you but YOU will Choose wisely!Personally, I would inform the guy concerned asap & tell him your expectations of him in this situation.YOU need to decide wth you expect from him....Either helping you thru this time emotionally, physically hand holding etc etc short term to long term needs being met.....HE is OWED the Consideration of KNOWING he co-created LIFE whether intentionally or not.I sincerely wish you well thru this difficult time.Pls keep us updated as to how the guy reacted etc as this post has become HUGE!Im sure we all want to know the outcome & HIS reaction as this is one helluva experience!Thanx for sharing yourself so honestly.xxxoooxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
pretty simple fix it unless you have no problems in being a single mum and never getting any support from him, and maybe having dramas meeting another partner cause you have a kid :>
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hey, thanks for sharing that story with us, it touched my heart.I also agree a quiet garden is a great place to reflect and make a decision.Hope things are going ok for you and your young bloke!Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'NeoAndTrinity' pretty simple fix it unless you have no problems in being a single mum and never getting any support from him, and maybe having dramas meeting another partner cause you have a kid :> so your saying life wouldnt change...most of us on here have kids and do it alone and try and meet people with those kids in tow roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' Quoting 'NeoAndTrinity' pretty simple fix it unless you have no problems in being a single mum and never getting any support from him, and maybe having dramas meeting another partner cause you have a kid :> so your saying life wouldnt change...most of us on here have kids and do it alone and try and meet people with those kids in tow roxxy Indeed we do Roxy ...... It is deff not something that we plan at all either....... if you had said to me 5 yrs ago that i would be doing the single mum thing ... i would have laughed ..... but it happened to me a yr ago.... with a 13yr old and a 10yr old ..... i now do the single working mum thing .... not ideal .. but we do ok ... and yes it takes some juggling that is for sure .... and i am lucky to have come across a few guys who are ok with me having kids...... (i dont play while they are in my care) good luck ... it cant be easy ... and must have come as a shock .... hope it all works out ....
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RHP User
15 years ago
How you're going Roxxy...been lots of advice....support and touching stories. Where are you at now? Not prying into any manner of personal updates, just hoping you are keeping your head above water xxxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
but I would tell him.Give him the chance to stand up....or turn around and walk away....either way...YOU will have done the right thing.Then decide what to do...I think the decision made...will greatly depend...on whether or not he sticks around.Just remember though..you have done it alone already...you know you can...so unless you have a good reason NOT to...why not just do it?Good luck with whatever you decide hon...JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I would say...why no condom...just a thought!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'I would say...why no condom...just a thought!!! shit happens even with the best intentions. nothing is garanteed. Earl
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' im not sure if iv just been insulted or not there...but thanks for your opinion Eunuch for one...two lots of controception were used...the pill and condoms secondly...teenager, less bright, moron??? come on now...sometimes things happen that are out of our control so come on now....give a girl a break roxxy Two different types of contraception were used....so you both took the right approach and protected yourselves and each other....and you still got pregnant.Dunno...but I would take it to mean this baby was meant to be here...but that's just me.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'I would say...why no condom...just a thought!!! maybe condoms and the pill were used...i know thats what i normally use things happen im afraid roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mynameisearl2' Quoting 'couplesint'I would say...why no condom...just a thought!!! shit happens even with the best intentions. nothing is garanteed. EarlDidn't you learn anything in high school Roxxy? You're supposed to jump up and down after sex to avoid these sorts of dillemas!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'niceguy0068' Quoting 'OneBrightStar' Hiya Roxxy :) ....freedom is a funny thing....we usually end up paying for the priviledge one way or another. Anyway, perhaps the best choices we make are the ones that we can live with...and accept...and in my experience it's the ones we make from the heart, the gut, the instinct (echo-echo to to the lovely Myname) that make for the best choices....coz my head certainly ain't logical when it's all emotional. And then of course there are variables at play when making choices...pressures mainly...pressures to conform, pressures to be right and ethical, pressures to be responsible for the outcome....or just simply, sometimes responsibility is pressure enough!!! So, how about this... visualise what you want (not want you don't want) - and make it happen. Own it...love it...live it (I didn't say you had to like it though ;-) Because....you CAN. Hugs Jx OBS - I demand a late note... you were coming to the drinks night babe and you didn't show.... I sure hope you were off having fun with your man and not home sick or something.... Nice to see you back hugs Wayne x Umm...errr... :P Simply Wayne...it was a bugger of a week! My lovely husband-to-be was recuperating from some surgery....I decided to stay home and play nurse. Mind you, I am a much more compassionate nurse when I'm paid for it....however, the barter system is a most useful tool ;p Missed you too Hugs Jx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' Quoting 'Mynameonurlips' OBS!! So great to see you back here!! God..Ive missed you!!! me three...i was about to post the same thing and myname and Wayne beat me to it mwahhhhhhhh brightstar roxxy ....my fellow "Banga Sista's"....you are never far from my thoughts. Hugs Jx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'OneBrightStar' Quoting 'niceguy0068' Quoting 'OneBrightStar' Hiya Roxxy :) ....freedom is a funny thing....we usually end up paying for the priviledge one way or another. Anyway, perhaps the best choices we make are the ones that we can live with...and accept...and in my experience it's the ones we make from the heart, the gut, the instinct (echo-echo to to the lovely Myname) that make for the best choices....coz my head certainly ain't logical when it's all emotional. And then of course there are variables at play when making choices...pressures mainly...pressures to conform, pressures to be right and ethical, pressures to be responsible for the outcome....or just simply, sometimes responsibility is pressure enough!!! So, how about this... visualise what you want (not want you don't want) - and make it happen. Own it...love it...live it (I didn't say you had to like it though ;-) Because....you CAN. Hugs Jx OBS - I demand a late note... you were coming to the drinks night babe and you didn't show.... I sure hope you were off having fun with your man and not home sick or something.... Nice to see you back hugs Wayne x Umm...errr... :P Simply Wayne...it was a bugger of a week! My lovely husband-to-be was recuperating from some surgery....I decided to stay home and play nurse. Mind you, I am a much more compassionate nurse when I'm paid for it....however, the barter system is a most useful tool ;p Missed you too Hugs Jx Wow - congrats OBS - do we all get invited to the wedding ;-) Hope he's better now... and you can both come to the next Sydney drinks night... hugs Wayne x
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RHP User
15 years ago
hey roxxy for my worth if it was me as the man i would sure wish to be given the heads up after all it is a half and half conception ,, and i have been there before but in the end its the ladies choice as her body is where the action is going to happen ,,,, if the man is half his worth he would listen to and abide by the ladies choice and back her and give support in anyway he could xxxxxx Andy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Mrs S thank you so much for that insight into you as a woman and mother at 16 i was in the same spot but having the childhood i had i aborted because i was too scared id be forced back home somewhere i never wanted to go again that turned out to be the one and only regret i have in this life so i guess we all cope in different ways to the same situation thank you and i hope your well...missing you on the forums mwahhhhh Andy sweetie thanks for the males view you men always amaze me roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
I feel this is a topic like many where the balance of power isn't 50/50 like it should be.I will be very clear about some points before I put this question out there.1) there are no innocent parties when two adult consenting partners make love/have sex2) safe sex is a responsibility of BOTH partiesWhy is it always a choice that's left up to the woman? I understand the physical logistics of child birth but my question stands, if sex is a 50/50 event then the repercussions should 50/50 as well. A woman who falls pregnant as a consenting adult should respect the decision of the male partner involved as much as he should hers. I expect to be crucified by those who don't read my statement properly. The fact of the matter remains women are looked on in this situation as some sort of victim and that if they want to raise a child it becomes a mans' obligation to accept that. It's borderline entrapment when two consenting adults partake in intercourse and one side forces someones hand on a matter because of a position of control. I feel like (Genuine)men are given a raw deal with a lot of the parenting process. When two people consent to intercourse without protection they BOTH accept the risks involved ( be their pregnancy - child birth or pregnancy- abortion). I would go so far as to say that if no middle ground could be accepted then a woman could opt to request to take on the responsibility of raising a child but the situation should be treated much in the same way adoption is. I go back to the start to repeat my points so that they are crystal clear and people don't leap to some tirade about irresponsible men who don't pay their dues or neglect their responsibilities. 1) both consenting parties are responsible for protection2) the results that follow the event are as much a 50/50 decision as is the even that created it. This question has nothing to do with deadbeat dads or those men who shirk their responsibility so please distance your response from that notion as I'm not suggesting for one second that any man that doesn't meet his obligations is hard done by. I'm simply suggesting this "tough luck she's pregnant you should have used a condom now pay up" mentality that is applied to men as though they are the sole instigator in the process. This is simply a request for a return to equality, it's becoming apparent to me that the balance of equality has shifted from the early days of the feminist movement fighting for equal rights; to a situation where Men are harangued for being men and all that makes them men. A society where men are expected to "man up" and accept something is no different to a situation where women were expected to "do as the man said" I welcome your thoughts on the premise you separate the emotion of bad experiences or situations from the question asked.Rob
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RHP User
15 years ago
i hear what your asying babe...i kind of agree but i have a story for you to think about..... i met a man...to me the perfect man, wonderful sex, he brewed his own grog and better yet he couldnt have kids....not just couldnt but was told 20 years before i met him he had "no hope in living hell he would every have kids"....perfect i had kids didnt want any more one day i found out i was pregnant...fine i kept it he was happy everything was fine...then 2 years after that i fell pregnant again...things went sooooo bad then that i wanted to abort it but was talked in to keeping it....things went so badly my ex took my other kids the man i was with had a nervous breakdown...i was left pregnant looking after a toddler trying to get my other kids back and trust me if i thought the rafters would hold me i would have been swinging from them i begged my doctor to kill my baby, but he wouldnt because i was too far gone i was sick, i had fainting spells that they could do nothing about because i was pregnant, i was alone and no one cared i managed to get my kids back, i broke up with the man, i had that baby and moved back to a house me and all the kids hated, all alone just me and all those kids because of the crap i went through when i was pregnant the baby was not the easiest baby in the world...she always cried, she never slept and i had no help at all plus now i had two exes to put up with that were making my life hell so even though i agree..yes men do have a say in what happens, its the womans decission in the end...because if things go bad, she is the one left holding the baby....wanted or not i have plenty of other stories like that...just ask and il tell them roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
While I agree with your idea that it should be 50/50 for the entirety of the situation...sadly...that just isnt possible in too many cases.It is far too easy for men that don't want remain involvedto shirk their responsibilities....and walk away....A woman does not have that luxury.But on the same token...if a man doesn't want any involvement...and the woman decides to continue the pregnancy....she should not be forced to make him pay child support.Men...if you have no intention of looking after a pregnancy should there be one...then you MUST protect yourself and take precautions.And as there is no contraception beyond sterilisation that is foolproof...we must all weigh up the consequences of our activities.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
If you have no intention of going through with the pregnancy then I don't think he needs to know. If you go though with the pregnancy and want to bring the baby up yourself or put the baby up for adoption then he has the right to know. The child also has the right to know who their father is whether or not he wants to be involved. This is most important with the issue of genetics and medical issues. One can't be selfish in regards to children... they aren't toys to be played with. Sweet
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi, If I were in that situatiion I do not believe in abortion within myself but accept others who do. I would be scared as ever with the whole thing. If the guy was sweet and understanding etc then YES he needs to know then it is his choice if he wants to be involved or not either way YOU have to accept his descion. On the other hand if it was a one night stand and you never heard from him and got the impression that was it then Myself, I would most likely not tell him..... I do believe the father has a right to know on the other hand if he wasnt that nice to you then I would rather keep it to myself. I have been in similar situation with my ex of 9yrs we both wanted atleast one child in our mid to late 30s. as we were both career orientated even though I myself have always wanted 2 or 3 children. My story goes, we were engaged after 4yrs together and I have had alot of issues with my menstral cycle and cervical cancer 3 times only minor and indemetriotis (how ever it is spelt)... I had many tests with my gynocologist over 12months and I was told I was not able to conceive without a certain tablet as I only produce an egg once maybe twice a year. and possibly not at all. After my first bout of cervical cancer having a small operation I was adviced to stay off the pill yet I didn't just incase as we also used condoms each time. after my 3rd bout with my cervix and all the tests I then made the choice to go off the pill and we didn't use any protection due to the answers I was given. So low and behold 2 and half yrs after no protection at all I find myself pregnant we had been together 5yrs by now and planning our wedding during our 6th yr together. I was always feeling sick yet all the home testing never worked for me so I had a blood test and 2 days later rang for the results and they said it was positive I had to ask 3 times what they said as I thought I was hearing positive but they were probably saying negative.... I just cried, knowing it wasn't the right time. I rang 3 other people before my fiance as I was scared as I knew he would be very unhappy as I was 28 and he was 29. I finally got the courage to call him and let him know and yes he was upset and confused... once we got home though we seemed to be really happy about it. And we rang most people to let them know. I think I was more upset knowin we wouldn't be getting married the year the baby was due. More surprising news when I was 8 weeks pregant I had this intuition I was having twins I dont know why I just knew it. I asked my aunty as she had twins how soon with a scan do you know your having twins. She said she was 8weeks when she found out... So my 9 wk scan I went alone and the nurse was smiling and I asked 'is there a chance I could be having twins' and she said 'well actually you are take a look'.... I cried and cried with joy yet also with what my fiance was going to say.... I then again rang the same 3 people and they were soooo excited. And yes my Fiance was devastated worrying about finances... A week after finding out the news he was at me to get an abortion and I was against it. All I worried about was being in Adel with all our family in Tas and not having support. I gave my fiance the choice to stay or go but he decided to stay. All in all the outcome was perfect we had twin girls which were suppose to be non identical when I was pregnant and we did DNA testing when they were 1yr old and they are genetically identical... they don't look like it to me and alot of others. Unfortunantly our relationship ended early last year and Iam raising them on my own and it can be very hard, and our girls are now 4yrs old but once the father see their children born it gives them a whole new concept of parenting. the Love you feel for your child is nothing like any other love you feel. My girls dad has them a little bit and he adores them too bits. So what ever choice you decide if or if not the father is involved or not it is your choice. And what ever you decide will be the right choice for you as you are the one carrying the child and once it is born you will have no idea the joy love and happiness a child brings to a mother. My moto - 'A mothers love is nothing compared to a fathers love or any other kind of love you feel throughout your life' I hope it all works out for you and for the better for yourself and the father if he is involved or not, if he doesnt then PLEASE don't feel dis heartened as I am a single mum now with twins and it is all worth it and you will get through it. I do hope if the guy is as nice as you say he is and I hope he will be involved even as your friend for the child's sake. Wishing you all the best BIG HUGS 'E'
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RHP User
15 years ago
do what you thinks best,but id like to know if i was the guy, i think lifes to short not to be honest.especily in this day and age and you can both work through it. or find out what hes realy like.
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RHP User
15 years ago
deeper thoughts even for me If lets say the lady in Question has the child , then years down the track that child meets and falls for another person and they deside to have children ?????? and at a gathering of these two people the lady first mentioned meets the father of the second child only to find out he is her lover from years before ????means they are related by blood isnt it ???? there are now states In the USA looking to pass laws that at birth children must have DNA tests to prove who the parents are as there are so many now who just dont know, Do we as adults have a responsibility what do others think about this sorry Roxxy your subject just got me thinking ,,,,,,,,,,, or was it the big night i had and feeling little woozy today Andy XXXXX
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'andreweagle' deeper thoughts even for me If lets say the lady in Question has the child , then years down the track that child meets and falls for another person and they deside to have children ?????? and at a gathering of these two people the lady first mentioned meets the father of the second child only to find out he is her lover from years before ????means they are related by blood isnt it ???? there are now states In the USA looking to pass laws that at birth children must have DNA tests to prove who the parents are as there are so many now who just dont know, Do we as adults have a responsibility what do others think about this sorry Roxxy your subject just got me thinking ,,,,,,,,,,, or was it the big night i had and feeling little woozy today Andy XXXXX Having been adopted I have lived with similar concerns all of my adult life. Maybe that's why I've always been drawn to men of a different ethnicity to myself. I agree, testing of some sort should be mandatory...but at what stage? Ms Blind x
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RHP User
15 years ago
can i say firstly...OMG hotnfun wow your adorable now my beautiful sexy arse Andy you have a good point...when i got with my ex he couldnt have kids, the perfect man as far as im concerned lol, but 10 months later, you guessed it i was pregnant....i demanded we get our son a paternity test because i didnt want my ex ever thinking my son wasnt his so i think mandatory testing is a damn good idea ms blind i think when the baby is taken away for its other tests its a good idea to do it then....then everyone knows nearly right from the start roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
I feel for you - you have quite a dilemma on your hands. I am pro choice and things need to be right as in support because they are expensive and they do keep you up all night for the first 2 yrs or so. But they are a blessing and they give a lot of love which may enrich your life. There i said it
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'rodeoguy63' I feel for you - you have quite a dilemma on your hands. I am pro choice and things need to be right as in support because they are expensive and they do keep you up all night for the first 2 yrs or so. But they are a blessing and they give a lot of love which may enrich your life. There i said it i know the wonderful joy of children...i have 100 of my own lol i also have 2 fathers that i can now never get rid of because of those 100 children but do i really want to be a single mum of 101??? but then i guess there really is no difference between 100 and 101 lol roxxy
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